I cheated on my wife and this is what she wants

Why does this have so many normal votes

be a cuckold hubby

I'm not going to bother ranting about how shitty of a person you are because I'm sure you already know. Just let her do it or if you really hate the idea that much then it's time for a divorce. It's best to face the consequences of your own actions without putting up a fight.

Your wife is about to get those curtains tickled 😂

Okay, I think this entire comment section is overreacting. He got a "happy ending" at a massage parlor. She probably didn't divorce him because that's seriously not that big of a deal. It's bad, don't get me wrong, but the bigger issue is him not telling her and, possibly, his reaction to her saying she's going to get herself rubbed down at a similar place. I don't foresee any more fallout from this event unless either the OP thinks this is "unfair" and reacts poorly, or his wife does something to up the ante.

None of this segues into an "open marriage" or "polyamory" discussion. An "open marriage" implies more than an occasional happy ending at a massage parlor, so I don't know why everyone is treating them the same.

This is a minor dispute. Their bond of trust will repair over time, don't make this bigger than it is.

It's all good. She'll probably end up fucking the masseur, and then you get to wank while she tells you all about it. Good times.

Polyamory and open marriages are a thing, and if both were more socially acceptable, it would probably lead to better outcomes for many people.

Openness and honesty, not exclusivity of intimacy and ownership, are what matter to me in a relationship. Have to be on the same page with your partner though. Otherwise, no amount of honesty and openness will fix this matter.

You're getting off easy! Let her do it, it's a definitely cheaper than the divorce option. Who knows, maybe she'll like it, and prefer that over you. If so you'll get permission to go back and have fun at your happy ending spot.
Reap what you sow!

Well after what you did you have absolutely no right to tell her she shouldn't. I don't think this marriage will last if this is how it's going, but maybe it shouldn't.

A swing club is the lowest cost alternative for the two of you at this point.

By not getting permission 1st you have opened an interesting box of issues in your marriage. Some people successfully navigate them; but many do not.

Your wife's 1st reaction is likely more of a revenge (you did it - so she will too) reaction.

How the two of you work out things going forward is likely not going to be easy for either of you if you are to end up with a long term stable and caring relationship. But, it can be done.

The best help will likely be with some kind of marriage counseling - and perhaps by a sex therapist if there is one in your area (this is different than counselors who deal with sexual abuse).

Long term working open relationships do exist (I'm in one) - but often take a lot of thought about a lot of issues to set things up correctly to prevent problems. Key is that there has to be rules appropriate to the two of you - and both of you have to abide by the rules. No Rules free for alls don't work.

You may find the following book to be useful. It's aimed at poly relationships; but all the issues you have two deal with and work out are pretty much identical to what you and your spouse face.

"More Than Two" by: Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

I wish you the best with this.

ps: Massage parlors (by whatever name) are expensive; and many families cannot afford them long term. "Mutual Friends" are cheaper.

Yeah somebody’d have to call the state to come wrangle up my little feral kids cause I promise you if I was in either one of these positions it would be a murder-suicide case

Yes. Absolutely, yes. And just for census purposes, where is the place she’ll be going?

Sure why not? I'd do the same thing

No, it's not odd at all that she wanted to "get even".
Clearly, you have no concept of how relationships work, or how human beings act, when they are emotionally hurt.

Stop thinking in terms of a porno. In reality, them both going to a massage parlor to get their kinks on isn't what was needed. He cheated because there were underlying issues in their relationship that needed to be addressed, but instead, he just went elsewhere.

Sadly, this sorta crap happens A LOT.

BOTH of them are to blame. Cheating happens when both people aren't taking care of each other's needs.

Although we’re now ’even’, I didn’t want her to go in the first place.