I dated a potential serial killer. ( narcissistic abuse)

15 Comments

Alright so I'll keep this as brief as I can.
I'm an adult woman. I've had my share of unfilfilling, failed relationships. In my previous relationships I'd say there were compatibility issues and both me and the guys displayed toxic traits.

Last spring I met, what I though, the love of my life. My soulmate. He was everything I could have dreamt of personality wise, sex wise and he quickly revealed that he wanted to change a couple of things about his appearance that made him my absolute ideal on the outside too.

There were sparks between us. I was blind to see that I was being love bombed. It felt so good. Finally I got the intimacy and the connection I had craved for so long. (I have anxious attachment...)

A couple of months into the relationship, mind you everything was perfect, and I had gotten to know about his horrible childhood-He tells me he has planned murder. Not just your average "I wonder what it would be like to kill someone" thing, but actual plans.
I listened, we talked. He reasoned just like convicted serial killers do.
I asked if I was safe, he said I was the safest of them all.
And that as long as I didn't cheat, there were no reason to worry.

Me, being a person who'd never even think of doing that to anyone, felt that it wasn't an issue.

We'd be together. Forever.

Later on, he confessed he had started to plan for his life outside of society. He had a check list for things he needed to prepare to murder, eat and fornicate with corpses.
Why did he stop? He met me. He saw another future.

The beginning was... So magical. He supported me, pushed me. Made me realise my full potential.
I was his interesting toy, his love, until I wasn't worthy of him anymore.

Now, in hindsight, there were red flags. Everywhere.

I spent 1, 5 years with someone who put me through narcissistic abuse. He made me believe I was a horrible person, I ruined our relationship and I made him suicidal.

I tried everything to make this relationship work. He threatened to leave.

I pushed friends and family away.

I never thought I could be a victim of such cruelty.

I never thought I could be so fucking stupid?

Now we are separating. He's upset because I've finally learned to stand up for myself. I refuse to beg and cry and tell him I'm the villain.

He still has most of his stuff here. And a key.

I don't feel safe.

He hasn't threatened me. He discarded me. He thinks I'm trash.
I hope he'll just... Move on.

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Comments ( 15 )
  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    Its a shame you havent left on good terms with a psycho like that but I dont see how you even could if he's that crazy. You need to tell someone you know all this stuff incase he does do something to you. You should probably move.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I've told everyone around me what's going on. I too wish we could have ended on good terms.
      Now in the aftermath I'm trying to be as nice as possible, and reasonable to him.

      He's upset with me now because I no longer agree with him that I was the villain in our relationship. I didn't even say he was. I said something along the lines of "I've done a lot of bad things to you, but it's impossible for this all to be my fault."

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  • Tommythecaty
    1 year ago

    None of that story implies he’s even potentially a serial killer, just a run of the mill jerk saying things to get a rise out of somebody.

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  • Grunewald
    1 year ago

    You've split up. Good. Now run. Don't let him come crawling back to you.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      No. He won't gain emotional or physical access to me ever again.

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      • Grunewald
        1 year ago

        That's a good resolution. Please stay safe x

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  • litelander8
    1 year ago

    I hide weapon like things through my house. Like I have this super heavy cast iron motorcycle tool on my bookshelf just incase of a home invasion. You should definitely take the time to change your locks immediately.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      This is a really good advice.

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  • Gambler
    1 year ago

    A small gun, under your pillow and in your pocket.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      I wish. Guns are illegal in my country.
      Not saying that I have any moral objections against getting one in this case, but I don't have any social contacts that could provide me with a gun.

      Thankfully I have dogs. And knives.

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      • Gambler
        1 year ago

        Good luck. If he kills you, you voted in your own demise.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          1 year ago

          Well. It's never even been up for discussion.

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  • ospry
    1 year ago

    Leave a message with the police. Don't accuse him of anything or exaggerate things, but make it absolutely clear that the chance of him attacking you is a very real threat. Maybe even several messages in the form of emails, voicemails, or even hand-delivered letters.

    If things progress to the point where you feel genuinely unsafe and believe you need police detail outside your home, then you've already established traceable paper trail and they can't say that your fears are unfounded

    Take care of yourself. I'm glad you're out of that relationship and hopefully your ex has the good sense of mind to leave you be

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      This is a really good suggestion. I don't know how well it would work with our police force, however.

      "So he hasn't threatened you?"

      "No but by mentioning these stuff, and that he had thoughts of going after his ex I do feel unsafe..."

      I guess no harm can come from calling them to see what's what.

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      • Grunewald
        1 year ago

        You could be giving them information about him that they need for another case. At the very least, you have his name, address and phone number.

        Say they need to identify a murderer from a few identifying details, and you happen to know him very well and have all his contact details - or at least his past ones? Even if he changes them, you will still be able to maintain that in such-and-such-a-year, he lived in such-and-such-a-place, and that might corroborate with other evidence and validate it so that the investigators can draw a conclusion from it.

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