I don't advocate sleeping with cats

48% Normal
27 Comments

Cats are nocturnal animals with claws and teeth and are carnivorous. A lot of people forget, because they are so cute as kittens, that cats are genetically designed, therefore, to eat you at night.
“You are pathetic,” you say in protest, “I have known many people who have slept with cats and survived uneaten!”
If you think this way, I urge you to examine those people for signs, at least, of licking. I will wager that you will find traces of cat saliva on their skins, left behind from when the cat checked for the taste, found that the Vaseline on the skin was too thick and yucky, and spared the life of the woman or man.

Voting Results
48% Normal
Based on 21 votes (10 yes)
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 27 )
  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago | pl

    I thought this post was gonna be about fucking cats

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    7
    7
      -
    • Boojum
      3 years ago

      Did you know that male cats have barbs on their penis?

      Considering your proclivities, you probably find that incredibly sexy.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
        -
      • my_life_my_way
        3 years ago

        I don’t wanna fuck cats though, I just thought OP might

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • raisinbran
          3 years ago

          disappointed?

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          2
          2
            -
          • my_life_my_way
            3 years ago

            Extremely

            Comment Hidden ( show )
            1
            1
    • Tommythecaty
      3 years ago

      A solid 95% of people I fuck have survived, op is such a pussy.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
    • SwickDinging
      3 years ago

      Me too. That would have been more interesting

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      -1
      -1
  • Boojum
    3 years ago

    A couple I knew years ago had a very large and very fat neutered tom that they allowed to sleep on their bed.

    In the early hours of one morning, his wife woke up from a deep sleep after he jabbed her in the ribs, and she surfaced to find him in a panic, saying that he thought he was having a heart attack because he couldn't breathe and there was a crushing weight on his chest.

    Of course it was just the damned cat.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    5
    5
      -
    • SkullsNRoses
      3 years ago

      My family used to have a big fat cat and the same thing happened to my sister. The poor boy just wanted to cuddle.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    I have a cat sitting on me at this very moment! If I die, and this cat eats part of me I won't mind. I'm more worried about dying in my sleep, and my cat not having enough water to drink.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    5
    5
      -
    • bigbudchonga
      3 years ago

      There was actually a thing with this. A guy died with both a cat and a dog in his occupancy. The dog died of starvation; the cat eat him and lived lol.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • RoseIsabella
        3 years ago

        Poor pupper.

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
          -
        • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
          3 years ago

          i got a baga dog food open in the kitchen closet that also stays open

          if i keel over from too many cheeseburgers the dingo has a shitloada kibbles and open terlets until someone shows up

          Comment Hidden ( show )
          0
          0
    • Boojum
      3 years ago

      Always leave the toilet seat up. That'd keep the cat going for at least a couple of weeks.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
        -
      • SwickDinging
        3 years ago

        Yes, I always do this before we go on holiday, even though we have people going in to check on her. It's her back up water supply

        Comment Hidden ( show )
        0
        0
  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Dogs are carnivorous too, what about them? The only time I hear about cats eating their owners are when the owners are... DEAD!

    I deem this a troll post for the several people who love their cats

    👎

    Off with your head! And be fed to our cats!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    5
    5
  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    My kittens sleep with me. One sleeps on top of my chest back or side. Don’t give a fuck.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • freelarking
      3 years ago

      My cat sleeps cuddling under the blanket.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      1
      1
  • Wryladradofft
    3 years ago

    I'm willing to let my cat eat me

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
      -
    • [Old Memory]
      3 years ago

      True love 💜

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      2
      2
  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    I only thought about my cat sleeping by my feet, or rubbing our foreheads together, my ear against her belly as she purred

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • thepuppet
    3 years ago

    i want cats smh

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • bigbudchonga
    3 years ago

    I thought she was just being nice licking my ear and sleeping by my head at night... Little did I know I was just her next meal. I feel so betrayed.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • freelarking
    3 years ago

    My cat licks my eyebrows when I'm asleep so I leave her tuna so I don't wake up blind.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • ellnell
    3 years ago

    My cat thinks spiders are scary.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • SomewhereNorth
    3 years ago

    I honestly thought you meant that you don't advocate fucking cats. I froze for a second and was like, 'huh?'

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Grunewald
    3 years ago

    That was a charming piece of writing, OP.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0