I don't know how to fix the problem society says i have

36 Comments

So, ok I'm female 5'7 and about 100lbs. I was diagnosed as being anorexic when I was a teen but it makes me happy to be skinny its what I am best at. All the things I'm supposed to do to be healthy the way doctors mean healthy make me unhappier than I just normally am. I'm not sure that makes sense so another way is people say I am too skinny and need to eat more. When I try to eat more it makes me feel bad and more socially awkward and withdrawn. So I don't know what to do life feels like its set up to make you feel like a stupid failure.

I was made to go to therapy when I was 15 for like 6 sessions then they decided I was cured or got bored of taking me or whatever I really don't know why it stopped but I didn't mind because being someone that needed therapy made me feel worse.

Is life just a huge trap? I think I tried everything and nothing really helps.

Theres nothing to fix carry on 9
Your hopeless there is no cure 5
Get more therapy 17
I don't know what else, suggest something? 8
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Comments ( 36 )
  • CountessDouche
    8 years ago

    I'm sorry to be direct, but you are obviously suffering from the single most FATAL mental disorder in existence. You need to get help...immediately. It shouldn't even be a question.

    From reading some of your other comments, I can tell that you have unresolved issues with your parents, and how they treat you vs your sister, but even if that weren't an issue, you need to seek some help immediately.

    You are underweight now, and you will continue to spiral down the same path. It is possible to maintain anorexia with a small calorie deficit- consuming as much as 1200 calories a day when you don't need to lose weight.

    You WILL experience drastic health problems if you continue this. Malnutrition is serious. Your bodily functions will slowly shut down in order to maintain the functions you need to survive, and even those will suffer. Your nails will turn blue; you will constantly feel cold; you will grow hair all over your body in a failing attempt to regulate your body temperature; you won't be able to shit; your digestive system will slowly rot and shut down, rendering you unable to eat normal food; instead, you'll have to have a feeding tube shoved through your nostril and down your esophagus. You will lose muscle mass in your heart, after your body digests the rest of your muscles to keep yourself alive, which will put you at risk for a heart attack, even if you are 20 years old.

    Going into intensive treatment when you are severely underweight will cost your family hundreds of thousands of dollars. They will be bankrupt and heartbroken because it probably won't take right away. It may take multiple courses of treatment.

    You will DIE from this, in a miserable painful way, unless you get some help NOW, as in right now. This is a problem that won't solve itself. I know it sounds like I'm exaggerating your illness, but I'm not. You are a very sick girl, very sick.

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    • mysistersshadow
      8 years ago

      You seem really smart maybe you have walked my path I'm sorry if you have probly not for the reasons most people would think but thats a different story.

      Ok so this is my question you don't have to answer if you don't want to.
      - you are me
      - you aren't going to get any help
      - what do you do?

      While you think about something positive to tell me I want you to understand I believe you. I am always cold. If I break into 4 digits of calories it's becos of drinking. If it's not then I purge. My nails are very brittle and I have to use fakes so I don't look like I've been trying to claw my way out of a cage. I don't do more than pee but maybe 2-3 times a week. Saying my periods are irregular is like saying the pony express is late.

      No one has ever been interested in me except for how I make them look. Parents boyfriends coaches teachers all of them. My parents could pay for treatment they can afford it but they won't. I don't have the money to do it even if I wanted to. If they died my brother and sister would get everything its hard to explain but I know how it would play out. My sister has money for attorneys and shes executor anyway. She will make sure my brother never needs to lift a finger except to play xbox. I don't deserve any thing becos I was a huge disappointment. How many junior elite gymnasts are disappointments. All of us I guess unless you go to the Olympics and make your country proud for 10 minutes. I made maybe the biggest mistake of my life when I was 15 but not even the 3 Xanax that got me talking this much will get that out right now. Anyway I'm way past trying to assure you I know you are right I hope maybe you can also see that I am right. So now I look like a racoon caught in a storm excuse me while I tidy up. But I really do want to know what you would do.

      OK cleaned up. Reread. I sound like a complete selfish bitch you can just disregard all this.

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      • CountessDouche
        8 years ago

        I've been waiting to write back to you. I'm not really sure what to say. I don't think I have the right combination of words that will help you realize how serious your problem is, and how important it is for you to find the help that you need.

        First of all, you do t sound like a "selfish bitch," you sound like someone who needs help, and the fact that you would downplay your problems and chastise yourself for having them is indictitive of your disorder. You think that you matter so little that your problem is merely a burden to others.

        I can see that you're deep in your disorder. You wear your symptoms almost like a badge of honor, as if they are clear evidence of your sickness, and you see them as some semblance of control. You can't control your life, but you can control what you eat? But are you really in control? Could you stop if you wanted to?

        Self harm comes in many forms, and you are commiting slow suicide. The problem you have is as serious as serious gets, and you will DIE. I'm so sorry I can't help you or say the right thing; I wish I could. You seem like an articulate and intelligent and beautiful person. Please get some help before you die.

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        • mysistersshadow
          8 years ago

          Reading your post made me cry. I went to dinner with friends and ate like a normal person I guess is supposed to eat. I'm posting this from the restroom. I can't keep in down. My body is acting like it's in a panic and ejecting the food faster than I ate it.

          It makes me sad to confess that I don't have any control.

          There's a part of me that is scared your right and another that your lying to me. I'm not smart I am smart enough to know that. Not beautiful enough to make it as a model. I'm scared of being this vulnerable.

          I have to go there texting if I'm ok in here.

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          • CountessDouche
            8 years ago

            Is it at all possible for you to see a therapist? I know it might not be financially feasible, but if it is I think it would be a good idea.

            When I was at my lowest, doing volunteer work helped. I did some work at an animal shelter, and it honestly made me feel like my life was worth living. Perhaps that could be an option if therapy isn't?

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            • mysistersshadow
              8 years ago

              Not really no. I'm talking with someone about a way maybe it could happen but I don't know if all that will be a healthy choice either. I feel like every thing in life is a compromise or a trade and I always get the worst end of it. Every time the choice I make sounds like the best option and then later I find myself deeper in a hole.

              I am feeling better this moring but I only had 1 banana cos I was afraid I wouldn't be able to keep more down. I'm supposed to be at a rehearsal right now but moving feels like a bad idea. Its kinda like really insane menstrual cramps only different sorta.

              The volunteering sounds like a good idea but I really don't have anything to offer to anyone or thing in need. Animals can smell my fear and run away or try to bite me. There isn't really a place where under privileged kids learn ballet or gymnastics the only kids that do that have parents with money.

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    • yu-gi-ohChampion25
      8 years ago

      is this tyra banks? jesus christ im a guy and your pissing ME off. quit scaring her to death anorexia is nothing lol

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  • Cocomilktitties
    8 years ago

    From what I have read in your question and some of your comments, I think you have a few things going on mentally. Firstly, to me it sounds like you have quite a bit of anxiety. Anxiety about how you look, how society views you... etc. The comment where you say you don't eat a lot, drink a lot of coffee, and smoke a lot of cigarettes makes me think that those are all related to anxiety. All of those things probably help you feel better in some way, but also in the long term contribute to more anxiety.
    The only good thing I saw there was exercise, but even that is not good unless you're doing it in moderation and in proportion to how much you eat.
    100 pounds at 5'7" is pretty skinny. There are people who are just naturally on the skinnier side, but even then it's not THAT skinny. I know someone about your height and weight .. maybe even a little heavier than you so I have an idea of what the situation is there.

    The other thing I noticed was that it seems like something about your sister bothers you. So maybe there are some underlying family issues that contribute to how you feel.

    I think that you know there are some issues with how you are living which is why you made this post, and I think that if you want to start fixing them, you should try to get help for the anxiety and whatever other things might be bothering you. Make sure if you get professional help that you go to someone who is good. Ask for referrals from a medical doctor or someone you know pretty well. You could attempt to do something without professional help, but I feel like with your situation, it would be best to have someone to help guide you. It won't be easy, but I don't think you want to live that way anymore. I hope it gets better (:

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    • mysistersshadow
      8 years ago

      I guess that somes it up.

      Anxiety check vitamin X to the rescue.
      Marginal looks check lots of makeup can make almost anyone look ok.
      Society doesn't get me check just read this train wreck its all here.
      I don't eat so I will not gain weight.
      I drink coffee becos it makes me go faster
      I smoke cigarettes becos they are a good answer instead of food.

      I exercise more in a week than most people probly do in a year. I might be exagerating.
      Skinny is good. Its one thing I'm really good at I like to be able to see my hip bones to feel them to know everyone knows I'm the smallest girl in the room that is my only power and no one wants me to have it.

      Yes my sister is a beacon a wellspring that all good things flow from. I will never be as good at anything as she is except being small. And I'm a better dancer and gymnast but those things go away.

      More being naive on my part I thought with all the strangness here someone would say you know Em it's ok we understand. So I'm here in a place where men wear womens clothing there are many anal fixations half of you seem to want revenge up to even killing people and on and on. And then there's me. Always broken. Always outside. Never good enough.

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      • noid
        8 years ago

        There used to be users on here with history of eating disorders.

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        • mysistersshadow
          8 years ago

          Implying they died? I think we all do eventually.

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          • noid
            8 years ago

            No, they don't post here anymore.

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            • mysistersshadow
              8 years ago

              I can see why in a way. I know everyone means well but its like when your a kid and you did something wrong well you must have becos someone is screaming at you but you don't know how to change what they want changed. Here I know what I am suppose to change but I don't know how. Its like I am falling from 100 storys up and everyone says Emily stop falling your going to die. Uh yea you think?

              Maybe this will help I don't know but it helped me. I was talking to myfriend that recommended I try this place and he said Em you have to understand they don't know you they never been you they don't live your life. They say to you what they think someone should say to them if they had your issue he always says issue never problem I love that. And so I thought about it and I said so they don't understand its a chorus all singing the same verse in rounds at an uncomfortable volume cos he likes music comparisons. And he says exactly.

              So if he is right and I think always is cos he is much smarter than me then I have been looking at this sight wrong and I'm going to try to do better.

              I don't know where I can put this so everyone I offend will see but I am so very sorry if I was mean or unkind or said anything hurtful. I hope you will all forgive me.

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      • Cocomilktitties
        8 years ago

        I'm not really sure what you are trying to say, but the way you worded your question made it seem like you wanted some sort of advice. You're more than good enough which is why people are giving you advice. The other people you are talking about who say really extreme things on this website often don't get this kind of response because what they say is kind of beyond help or some of it is just down right weird. your situation is different.
        You sound like a smart, talented person and all these people want you do something to help yourself because it's sad to see someone in your situation because you shouldn't be there.

        It is okay to feel how you feel and stuff and even to an extent normal, but I think people want you to feel better about everything and be in a healthier place in your life. I wish that for you.

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        • mysistersshadow
          8 years ago

          Thats really very helpful thank you for saying it. I'm not really smart or talented cos I know people that are and I'm not like them. I think I am just well trained. So well that I keep myself like this and no one even makes me. But what do I do if I'm not who I am now? Thats a scary question and I don't know what the answer could be. I also don't want any pity from people thats how I feel some of this is coming out but I just so tired of always feeling like I have to fight. Do you ever want to just give up? This is a bad time for me to be writing I'm going to say something way stupid becos to much vitamin X today. But hey no anxiety, yay right?

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          • Cocomilktitties
            8 years ago

            I'm sure you are more than you think you are. Yeah it's not easy :( I sometimes feel sad and stuff, too.
            I really do believe that you can be in a healthier, happier place in your life. I am not going to say that you "have to Go right now to get professional help" or that you "have to Start eating more." But I hope that at some point, you do Decide that you really want to try and make things better. I believe in you 100%

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            • mysistersshadow
              8 years ago

              I hope you don't waste too much time believing in me. I keep hearing how we only get so much time and it would be a shame to waste it on me.

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  • yourdeepestshame
    8 years ago

    I'm not exaggerating when I say anorexia can kill you at a very young age.
    If the body doesn't get the fuel it needs, for a long enough period of time, you die.
    Mostly this comes in the form of heart attack.
    You need to treat this.

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    • Little-GirlRapedAndSodomised
      8 years ago

      "Man!
      I can't help but admire your creepiness and sadism; find a vulnerable girl and exploit her, right? Your name says it all.
      You have rape fantasies, tell me I'm wrong.
      I'm not judging, I just like to shoot the shit."

      That's cool what would you like to shoot the shit about, how much of a shit-bag i am or what?

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      • yourdeepestshame
        8 years ago

        Sure, it's good you brought that up; we can talk about that.

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    • yu-gi-ohChampion25
      8 years ago

      you don't know shit. quit preaching

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      • yourdeepestshame
        8 years ago

        Take a long walk off a short pier, faggot.

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    • mysistersshadow
      8 years ago

      Thank you for your kind response.

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  • NarutoUzumaki
    8 years ago

    >5'7''
    >100 pounds
    Nobody is joking when they say you might die if you go on like this. You could try changing your diet to include more things that make you heavier than just eating more.

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    • mysistersshadow
      8 years ago

      Death is part of the cost of living.

      I get what you're saying but its not that simple and if you can't see that from what I already wrote I don't think I can make it more clear.

      But thank you for caring enough to write.

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  • yu-gi-ohChampion25
    8 years ago

    look at these fucking pigs lecturing like they're doctors LOL

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    • yourdeepestshame
      8 years ago

      You don't need to be a doctor to know she's in a bad way.
      Why do you feel the need to give people bad advice?
      Do you wish everyone else was as miserable as you?

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