I don't wanna date him bc he has bpd

If you don’t want to date him then don’t date him. You have control of your life and you don’t owe him anything.

Don’t flirt and shut him down when he does. If he keeps it up you will have to directly tell him you only see him as a friend, that’s the only way men understand disinterest. There’s no reason to bring up his BPD in the rejection, it will just upset him and he will probably go on a hollow “I can change” rant. Keep it short and sweet, he’ll get over it.

Understandable. I couldn't handle someone with BPD myself so it wouldn't be fair to that person or me to date each other. It's very risky to date someone unstable since the relationship is likely to turn very toxic unless that person is actively in treatment and taking it seriously.

"Because I used to have it."

How did you "use" to have it?

I've both been raised by someone with BPD and dated multiple partners who had been diagnosed with BPD. Based on what experience I have on the matter I'd say you're noticing warning signs in him you learned from your own experiences with it. You've voiced a clear desire to avoid any potential growth toward him so I'd imagine you already came to the decision you don't intend on pursuing things. If you changed your mind now after pushing back as you have. Regardless of whether he even realised you'd been trying to keep him at arms length, you'd be giving the kind of toxic mixed signals associated with those that have BPD.

I'm not one to believe BPD can be fully cured. You're right that those who have it can recover, I haven't seen evidence to support the idea that full recovery is possible though. That said, based on some research, it seems one can stop meeting the qualifications for it, since there's a checklist of behaviours/mentalities that need to be met before qualifying in the first place. It does however require long-term therapy and the use of techniques they teach you to employ in daily life.

TLDR: You see red flags in the guy, It's best to listen to them, BPD technically can't be cured but you can stop qualifying for it officially.

The PC thing to do would be to date him, but let's be real here: you're not obligated to date him because people with mental illnesses are hard to put up with. I've been friends with people that claimed to be bipolar and they'd have abnormal bouts of anger toward me over something as simple as a different opinion. You said you used to hurt people. Does he hurt people? If he does he really shouldn't even be trying to date anyone until he has his act together. If he keeps throwing unwanted advances toward you maybe you should end the friendship?

I used to have it as well (DBT FTW) I don't recommend dating someone with it. I hope your friend seeks professional help. Tell him about DBT exercises he can do to help control his outbursts of negative emotions.

People with bpd are a red zone for me. I can empathize with them and their childhood traumas but I cant put myself in a vulnerable position with someone with bpd.

You can’t prove that either of you were officially diagnosed therefore the label is irrelevant here. Just because someone’s an asshole doesn’t mean they have bpd. And yes it’s normal not to date assholes.

No, go for a man with a good mind that can make good money.