I fall in and out of lucid nightmares all night

Sometimes, like last night, I drift into lucid nightmares over and over again immediately after closing my eyes (often as quickly as 2 seconds after). Because they are lucid dreams I am able to (and want to, because they are always of a deeply surreal and disturbing nature) quickly wake myself from them.

But it’s extremely frustrating because this happens over and over again, dozens and dozens of time for hours on end and I’m extremely tired and just want to get some sleep. But it’s impossible to sleep with how disturbing and sometimes physically painful these dreams are, even though I’m fully aware they are dreams.

Like one time last night a bunch of ants started crawling up my legs, and I could both see and feel them even though I knew they weren’t really there. And another time I was paralyzed and my cat walked up to me on my bed and started eating my head and I could feel it, very painful (not nibbling like cats sometimes do, but taking big bites out of me.)

And then another time there was an old woman with both her hands amputated (like stumps at the end of her arms) crawling around on my bed crying. I was more angry than scared because I knew she wasn’t really there. I was more like, “Fuck this stupid fucked up dreams shit. I want to sleep! I don’t want to see this shit!” I got mad at her and started yelling at her and insulting her, even mocking her disability because I wanted her to go away and leave me alone but that just made her cry more. I know that sounds evil of me to admit that but I knew she wasn’t real and I wanted to try anything different to try to take control of my dreams but I couldn’t. I was desperate.

These were a few of the more disturbing examples, but most of the time it was like, a weird looking lion head started growing on the wall, or I’d see my cat walking on the ceiling. Still creepy enough I just wake myself up because it feels wrong and weird and unsettling.

These were all separate dreams all in one night after waking up and going to sleep again. And they immediately happen after closing my eyes with almost no time to actually fall asleep, maybe just 2-10 seconds. I know I’m entering a dream because I can feel my body lifting off the bed, over and over again each time I close my eyes.

These spells of constant on and off lucid nightmares probably happen to me once every couple months, and they go on all night and there’s no way to stop them and it makes my night’s sleep miserable (almost non-existent. Who can sleep through that shit?)