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I dont feel like im truely me i feel as though after my abusive childhood i am two people mr nice guy and mr bad boy how can i just become the real me again and not feel like im dying inside?
You need cognitive behavioral therapy to find a way to accept your rough childhood in a productive manner and an anti convulsant / mood stabilizer like lamictal or topamax to combat the manic depression. Very sorry to hear about that
Good advice.. I take topomax. I have epilepsy, but I have felt aimless and manic in the manner that u write for many years. Speak to a doctor or someone qualified buddy.. It may take time and it may always be a part of you, but some sort of stabilizer will help you to be Mr nice guy more often :)
Insane people don't think they are going insane, they think they are getting saner.
-Lost (Tv show)
But hey, it's a pretty good thing to have in mind