I feel like maybe i should end it if he doesn’t agree

9 Comments

So to put it lightly, I’m in love with two men at the same time. My feelings for the both of them isn’t stronger for the other everything is completely equal. However I came out to my BF that I was in love with another man and I asked how he would feel about a polyamory relationship, he says that he understands why I feel this way but apparently he’s not 100% on board with it. In fact he said that he’s not on board with it at all but he can’t tell me “how to feel” so I feel like all of this is one sided and if so what should I do at this point? I don’t wanna loose either man because my feelings are too strong for them both. I love them with all my heart and soul and I want to be with them both but if one person isn’t on board should I just break up with him and be with this guy or just be done with love altogether? Please, I need advice on this

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Comments ( 9 )
  • freelarking
    3 years ago

    Can't have your cake and eat it too. Too put it simply, you're being selfish. What you're describing you want has never ever in history ever worked out. I'd say pick one, but it seems to me more like you need to get rid of them both and be single for a while.

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  • litelander8
    3 years ago

    I hope you don’t mean he’s being one sided. He’s being overly kind about this.

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  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    Poly is not for everyone... and you cannot force it - or lie about it - and make it work.

    It's OK that you are poly. I'm poly too (but can only marry 1 in the USA, and neither me or my legal wife are willing to move to where we could all marry). I have yet to find another long term partner since the split with my last one (who now lives 6 hours away as that is where her job is - the reason for the split).

    My advice is to let the BF go who is not interested in being part of a poly relationship. Neither of you will be happy if you are indeed poly; and you will find another you can love.

    I presume that the other BF is OK with it (I assume that you have talked to him about it). If so, I'd stick with him and you can both look for a mutual partner that's OK with it and with both of you.

    There are several good books on the subject of long term stable multiple partner relationships: For starters I'd recommend "More Than Two" by Franklin Veaux and Eve Rickert

    I've edited this to add that you really need to be sure you are poly and not just unsatisfied with both of your partners (they are not filling your love tank; but the two of them combined do). I suggest reading "The 5 Love Languages" and sharing the book with your BF's to help sort that out. But, if you are truly poly - then you need partners who are OK with a poly relationship.

    I wish you well with this...

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  • Clunk42
    3 years ago

    If you break up with him, it wouldn't surprise me if you lose them both.

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    • RoseIsabella
      3 years ago

      HAHA! 😆

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  • Taka
    3 years ago

    I think it mainly comes down to picking 1 of the 2 in this case, though I would also have a chat with the other guy who's not your BF right now (?) and see how he feels about polyamory and then just go with whatever makes sense to you.

    It's totally understandable that your BF wouldn't be fond of the idea of you being with another men, though it could also change over time depending on what your current BF wants.. could be that he finds another person he fancies and ends up liking the idea of being with you and the other person

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  • TheDustyMagician
    3 years ago

    "A Bird in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush"
    If you keep being selfish you gonna loose both of then so just decide wich one you like the most.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    Good for him! Why should he change his standards just to make your selfish ass happy? You're probably not really in love, but just in lust. If your boyfriend isn't into polyamory then he deserves someone loyal who is monogamous like him.

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  • Somenormie
    3 years ago

    That isn't normal, you're better of with one so you are not confusing yourself.

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