I have no clue what to title this

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People make it out like empathy, morals, kindness, etc. are traits that everyone should have, but that's not the case. It is scary how the social contract people pointlessly obey has made people lose touch in reality. People are constantly being lied to and don't even realize it. All of these traits make you more prone to manipulation, disrespect, being used, etc. They make you an easier target to being taken advantage of. It's all pointless in the end. There's no point in having these traits if it'll just harm you. People are obviously going to deny this, but no matter how many times you deny something, it doesn't change the truth. It's like two people staring at a wall that's the color white. One of the people deny the wall is white, but does it change the fact it's white? No. To sum it up, these traits are useless.

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Based on 11 votes (4 yes)
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Comments ( 29 )
  • donteatstuffoffthesidewalk
    2 years ago | pl

    it aint too hard to be kind yet wary of peoples bullshit

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  • MrToxic
    2 years ago

    It seems like you're viewing kindness as a form of flaw/weakness that makes you vulnerable to being in some way harmed. I disagree. Unfortunately many who're kind also have a tendency to trust too easily and fail to pick up on sometimes obvious warning signs. That said, it doesn't mean they're doomed to shoot themselves in the foot by offering kindness to those who they really shouldn't. Like with anything going wrong, in those cases you have an opportunity to learn from your mistakes and know what to look out for in the future. I personally would consider many I've met in my life to have gone through this exact revelation. They get to know those they offer kindness to and in return have many reliable people in their lives that they know would gladly offer such kindness they were given.

    Manipulation, disrespect and being used are all things that we have to experience to learn how to identify and overcome. Many parents will try to shelter their offspring from harm, ultimately missing a key element to psychological growth. We need to be hurt, betrayed, heart broken and beaten to fully grasp the importance of knowing those you let in (emotionally). Kindness is that which we offer to those we deem to be trustworthy in that they would do the same or at the very least, that they wouldn't do you harm. It's important to look at those who trust those that we know are clearly going to wrong them, as someone that's still learning what we already know. How to be careful. You gain a multitude of positives with kindness, but only after you learn its mechanics.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Don't even try to bullshit me with that "It helps you learn from your mistakes". It's useless when you get treated like shit because of your kindness. It is a weakness. When something makes you vulnerable to people who are "predators" it is a weakness. Kindness and morals will always put you at risk of being taken advantage of. These are useless traits.

      "Manipulation, disrespect and being used are all things that we have to experience to learn how to identify and overcome. Many parents will try to shelter their offspring from harm, ultimately missing a key element to psychological growth. We need to be hurt, betrayed, heart broken and beaten to fully grasp the importance of knowing those you let in (emotionally). Kindness is that which we offer to those we deem to be trustworthy in that they would do the same or at the very least, that they wouldn't do you harm. It's important to look at those who trust those that we know are clearly going to wrong them, as someone that's still learning what we already know. How to be careful. You gain a multitude of positives with kindness, but only after you learn its mechanics".

      I'm curious as to why you're assuming I've been through what you've all have been through. And even if you all have been through that, that doesn't change the fact that kindness is a flaw. And what kind of bullshit is this? We don't need to be betrayed, hurt, heart broken, or beaten. That isn't necessary. Giving people power over you is not necessary. And exactly. You're kind to those who you deem trustworthy, which a lot of times, those you deem trustworthy are the ones you shouldn't trust. You proved my point! Thank you very much.

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      • MrToxic
        2 years ago

        If you can't see the usefulness of it then alright. , a day may come when you do and if not, then best of luck. You'll either end up struggling to form/maintain relationships that're long term or become a lesson for others to learn. You taught me just now that you're the type of person to take a step back from (at least personally).

        I believe you experienced at least one such experience because of the fact that you hold the mentality you have on the matter. Only those who've experienced such things as detailed or caused others to experience them are the ones who'd hold a mindset like yours. There's anger in your words. Either from hurt or from cruelty. Of which is not for me to say.

        There are multiple occurrences where those who've experienced pain from kindness early on have come out better from it. If you don't believe me then I'd suggest conducting research on psychological/social studies performed in the past. You may have your own examples but a true argument can only be made when there's both personal and external research having been conducted on the matter.

        Historical evidence backs my point that humans must go through trial and error in a large manner of ways whether it be social, economical, geographical or dietary. We had to consume poison to understand what it did. That didn't mean there was nothing to gain from it. Did you know many groups throughout history consumed/injected poison into their bodies so as to build up a tolerance and gradually become immune? To this day we still consume poison but an extremely diluted version (various types of alcohol). The same applies to the act of offering kindness and the common occurrence of being hurt early on. Gradually we develop and come to learn where to draw the line, effectively becoming close to immune. Whether you agree or not, the act of offering kindness to others is a key element in society and isn't likely to change. If you wanna thrive in society it would be wise to build up as many friendships/relationships as you can. Connections to those who'll have your back are vital in the world. You're welcome to believe this proves your point, it would however go to show just how close minded you are on the topic. True advancements are made with an open mind. As always, best of luck

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          2 years ago

          "I believe you experienced at least one such experience because of the fact that you hold the mentality you have on the matter. Only those who've experienced such things as detailed or caused others to experience them are the ones who'd hold a mindset like yours. There's anger in your words. Either from hurt or from cruelty. Of which is not for me to say".

          Ah yes, the good ole "You've just been hurt". First of all, I never indicated I was angry. I just have an opinion that's unpopular, so you try to make up a theory that I'm angry because of bad experiences that don't even exist. I highly suggest you go by what you know is facts, not theories. I'm going by what makes sense, not because of a bad experience with someone.

          "There are multiple occurrences where those who've experienced pain from kindness early on have come out better from it. If you don't believe me then I'd suggest conducting research on psychological/social studies performed in the past. You may have your own examples but a true argument can only be made when there's both personal and external research having been conducted on the matter".

          And there are more occurrences where someone's kindness has led them to being manipulated and taken advantage of. It's a known fact that people who are empathetic, caring, and kind are easier targets to people with malicious intentions.

          "Historical evidence backs my point that humans must go through trial and error in a large manner of ways whether it be social, economical, geographical or dietary. We had to consume poison to understand what it did. That didn't mean there was nothing to gain from it. Did you know many groups throughout history consumed/injected poison into their bodies so as to build up a tolerance and gradually become immune? To this day we still consume poison but an extremely diluted version (various types of alcohol). The same applies to the act of offering kindness and the common occurrence of being hurt early on. Gradually we develop and come to learn where to draw the line, effectively becoming close to immune. Whether you agree or not, the act of offering kindness to others is a key element in society and isn't likely to change. If you wanna thrive in society it would be wise to build up as many friendships/relationships as you can. Connections to those who'll have your back are vital in the world. You're welcome to believe this proves your point, it would however go to show just how close minded you are on the topic. True advancements are made with an open mind. As always, best of luck".

          Like I said, we do not need to be taken advantage of, hurt, betrayed, or used. We KNOW there are predators out there that are more than willing to use someone's empathy, kindness, and morals against them. I do not think we need to have experiences with those people to "learn". By the way, I hope you know this statement is basically enabling the people that prey on others. You're basically saying it's okay for them to take advantage of others. Of course, you're going to try to switch things and deny this, but your statement is basically saying it is okay. Society just makes it seem like kindness is a key element in society, but in reality, it is not. Far from that. Kindness is nothing more than a weakness. A flaw that will always put you at risk of getting screwed over. You do not need to have friendships and relationships to thrive in society. All you need to thrive in society is a good job and enough money for you to survive. That's it. Friendships and relationships are just wants, not essentials. Do not talk about being closed minded when you are only going by what society has taught you and what YOU think is the way, not what actually makes sense. You're one-sided, which no advancements can be made when you're just one side only. Have a good day.

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          • MrToxic
            2 years ago

            Theories based around behaviour are commonly used methods to build a solid understanding of what you're working with. You also missed the part you quoted me on where I said "or caused others to experience them are the ones who'd hold a mindset like yours". I theorised based on your behaviour in your wording and responses that you're either a victim lashing out OR one of those that bully and beat down others for showing kindness. Given the fact that you're posting on an IIN site one would think you're looking to hear input on the matter as to whether it actually is normal. Unfortunately, facts are things you've vehemently denied with anyone who attempted to explain something that majority of the the world understands. There's not much for me to work with but theories when it comes close blatant disregard to what all who've responded have been saying. You can quote my words as many times as you need to. Instead of doing it here and enjoying getting to tell people they're wrong, perhaps consider that isn't meant for questions and see if someone can explain to you the fundamentals to society regarding the usefulness of kindness and, what lessons can be used from it to help us grow.

            I never disagreed that people with good intentions are far more susceptible to being hurt. I've just been trying to repeatedly simplify to you the fact that it's negative outcomes like that which shape us as people and allow us an opportunity to know better on what to watch out for. But as you said before. You don't agree that there's significant merit to my previous statement. And that's fine. You're entitled to believe whatever you wish. Whatever repercussions come out of it are our own based on our own choices. On on that I wish you and those around you luck.

            While we may KNOW of the dangers that exist, we don't know of the evolution of mankinds cunning methods to using someone for selfish gain. These are things that can only be learned through experience or having witnessed occur to another. It's not a good thing that bad things happen to people who mean well. I'm saying that it's a part of human nature to experience bad things in order to understand how to overcome it. Like you said, we KNOW there are dangerous predators out there. How do you think we know that? Because someone experienced it. It wasn't good, it wasn't okay but it happened and we learned from it. It's the way of man whether you understand/accept it or not.

            Clearly you haven't heard anything on research regarding behavioural psychology and studies performed on human minds. If you did you'd know that we're social creatures. That is a proven fact documented in multiple findings. A good job requires either good contacts or impressing people. You're welcome to disagree but the only way to proving that would be to get to a high status in a good job without having used the societal norm of being good to people.

            Its funny you use say I'm one-sided when I've referenced multiple studies that you're welcome to look into and said what others have already said just with more detail and yet the best you've done is tell everyone they're wrong. Look in the mirror you're getting us confused. Oh and saying I'm going by what I was taught by society and that I'm only going by what I think doesn't really make much sense given the fact that one is the majority of people and all.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              2 years ago

              "Theories based around behaviour are commonly used methods to build a solid understanding of what you're working with. You also missed the part you quoted me on where I said "or caused others to experience them are the ones who'd hold a mindset like yours". I theorised based on your behaviour in your wording and responses that you're either a victim lashing out OR one of those that bully and beat down others for showing kindness. Given the fact that you're posting on an IIN site one would think you're looking to hear input on the matter as to whether it actually is normal. Unfortunately, facts are things you've vehemently denied with anyone who attempted to explain something that majority of the the world understands. There's not much for me to work with but theories when it comes close blatant disregard to what all who've responded have been saying. You can quote my words as many times as you need to. Instead of doing it here and enjoying getting to tell people they're wrong, perhaps consider that isn't meant for questions and see if someone can explain to you the fundamentals to society regarding the usefulness of kindness and, what lessons can be used from it to help us grow".

              I never indicated I got a joy out of telling people they're wrong.

              "While we may KNOW of the dangers that exist, we don't know of the evolution of mankinds cunning methods to using someone for selfish gain. These are things that can only be learned through experience or having witnessed occur to another. It's not a good thing that bad things happen to people who mean well. I'm saying that it's a part of human nature to experience bad things in order to understand how to overcome it. Like you said, we KNOW there are dangerous predators out there. How do you think we know that? Because someone experienced it. It wasn't good, it wasn't okay but it happened and we learned from it. It's the way of man whether you understand/accept it or not".

              That's why there is something called google. You're very naive. You do not need to be preyed upon in order to know societies methods of manipulation. I knew tricks pedophiles use in order to lure kids in, yet I never had an encounter with one. You can still know societies methods without encountering a predator that's looking to use you. And that's exactly what you're saying by stating it's human nature to experience being a prey. It's okay for someone to use someone else because people need to be used and manipulated. It's human nature!

              "Clearly you haven't heard anything on research regarding behavioural psychology and studies performed on human minds. If you did you'd know that we're social creatures. That is a proven fact documented in multiple findings. A good job requires either good contacts or impressing people. You're welcome to disagree but the only way to proving that would be to get to a high status in a good job without having used the societal norm of being good to people".

              That's the only time where being kind makes sense. It works in your favor.

              "Its funny you use say I'm one-sided when I've referenced multiple studies that you're welcome to look into and said what others have already said just with more detail and yet the best you've done is tell everyone they're wrong. Look in the mirror you're getting us confused. Oh and saying I'm going by what I was taught by society and that I'm only going by what I think doesn't really make much sense given the fact that one is the majority of people and all".

              The best I've done is give people here an explanation on why kindness usually isn't useful, like you're trying to explain to me on why it IS useful. Also, yes, you are very one-sided. It doesn't matter how many studies you reference, which studies aren't always right, just so you know, or what the majority thinks. It doesn't change anything.

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  • Curiouskitten444
    2 years ago

    You can be kind without being a doormat/naive. You can have empathy while still maintaining strong boundaries. I do it every day dude. It's not bullshit lol

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Kindness and empathy will always put you at risk. I'm afraid it is bullshit.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    You can be kind without compromising your self interests. In person I try to have manners and be nice to everyone I meet in the beginning until they give me a reason not to. But also if I get a suspicious vibe from them I wont put myself at risk just to not hurt their feelings.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      It is not possible to be kind without compromising your self interests.

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      • 1WeirdGuy
        2 years ago

        For example saying yes sir to guys takes very little energy and is respectful. It can even help your self interests because they will be more likely to do something for you.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          2 years ago

          You can say Yes sir, yet with no intention on being kind. Plus, it's just two words.

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  • Yaidin
    2 years ago

    It's about being kind to those you care about and vice versa, and be strong enough (socially, physically and mentally) to fend off people who might harm you or the people you care about.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Irrelevant. And you can fend off people that might harm you by just not being, you know, kind.

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  • bbrown95
    2 years ago

    Empathy, kindness, and morals ARE great traits to have, but there's a middle ground between lacking all of those things and overdoing it to the point of allowing people to walk all over you.

    It is absolutely possible to be empathetic, kind, and have good morals and values, and still maintain appropriate boundaries and have self respect.

    Being cold, unempathetic, unkind, and having no morals or values is guaranteed to set you up for a miserable life. Neither extreme of the spectrum is a good place to be.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Empathy, kindness, and morals ARE useless traits and will just harm you.

      And you aren't getting it. Being empathetic kind, and having good morals and value will ALWAYS put you at a greater risk of being taken advantage of, used, and manipulated. It is something that is always used against you, whether you accept it or not.

      Being cold, unempathetic, and unkind does not automatically mean you're going to have a miserable life. That's far from the truth. You can be cold, unempathetic, and unkind, yet still live a wonderful life. It's all about getting what you want in life, not what your personality traits are. Your comment just goes to show you're ignorant and have a very naive way of thinking.

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      • bbrown95
        2 years ago

        That is simply not true if you know how to set and enforce appropriate boundaries. When someone is crossing a line, simply tell them no and don't budge. That is not being an ass, that is standing your ground and having respect for yourself, and not allowing people to use, manipulate, or take advantage of you. It is entirely possible to be an overall kind, empathetic, and moralic person without being a doormat.

        Being cold, unempathetic, and unkind with no morals or values will not only completely erase any chance of having meaningful (and mutually respectful) relationships, but will result in a much harder life. Being rude and self-centered to "get what you want" only gets you so far before you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Not to mention that it's impossible to not be miserable with such a negative and bitter outlook.

        However, if that is how you choose to live your life, I cannot stop you. It sounds like you've already made up your mind.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          2 years ago

          Still. The fact people see empathetic, kind, and moral people as people to be easy to take advantage of just shows having these traits aren't the best. And it isn't just people who constantly expect empathetic, kind, and moral people that expect someone to do something for them because of their personality traits. There are other predators out there. Also, some people are more good at manipulating and taking advantage of someone with these traits better than others. And in case you didn't know, most empathetic, kind, and moral people do not know how to say no. They do things for someone, even things they don't want to do out of empathy, kindness, and morality, which makes them such easy targets. There is nothing that will change the fact that empathy, kindness, and morals are weaknesses. My mom, who is an empath by the way, even feels this way. She even said that they will always be prone to being taken advantage of. It's just facts.

          "Being cold, unempathetic, and unkind with no morals or values will not only completely erase any chance of having meaningful (and mutually respectful) relationships, but will result in a much harder life. Being rude and self-centered to "get what you want" only gets you so far before you have to deal with the consequences of your actions. Not to mention that it's impossible to not be miserable with such a negative and bitter outlook".

          You're really naive. People that are cold, unempathetic, and unkind with no morals genuinely do not care for relationships, and I see no reason on why they should. And neither one of these traits will result in a "harder life". You're acting as if these traits automatically mean you will have a miserable life, which is not true at all. You can have a very happy life, yet lack empathy, kindness, and morals. Neither will having a "bitter outlook" mean your life will be miserable. You don't need to be a positive asshole who is putting themselves at risk of being manipulated and used to live a good life. You just don't. Like I said, this comment shows you have a very naive way of thinking, which isn't a good thing.

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          • bbrown95
            2 years ago

            You still seem to see everything as very black and white. Again, being nice =/= being unable to say "no". It is absolutely possible to have all of the "bad" qualities you mention and still be able to tell people no.

            If this is the way you want to live your life and think it's the right way, then do it. Not my monkey, not my circus.

            Honestly, your last paragraph reeks of ignorance. A bitter outlook won't make your life miserable? In what world? I can't imagine anyone with a conscience feeling great about having no empathy, either. That is a sociopathic trait to have, certainly not a positive thing.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              2 years ago

              Yes, but it still doesn't change the fact that empathy, morals, and kindness are still weaknesses that will put you in harms way. Also, you completely ignored where I stated that most empathetic, kind, and moral people will tolerate people's bullshit and won't have any boundaries because of their personality traits. I also stated that there are a lot of people that are good at being cunning more then others. It is just not possible to not be harmed and manipulated because of these traits, unless you get lucky enough to not have an encounter with predators. Fact is, these traits are nothing but useless because they will always be something that can be used against you. This picture society paints that empathy, kindness, and morals are key is all bullshit.

              "Honestly, your last paragraph reeks of ignorance. A bitter outlook won't make your life miserable? In what world? I can't imagine anyone with a conscience feeling great about having no empathy, either. That is a sociopathic trait to have, certainly not a positive thing".

              In the real world, but the problem is, is that the majority of people are too busy stuck in lala land instead of reality. Your mind is in a different world where things work how YOU want them to work. And it might not be a "positive" thing, but it certainly is not a negative thing. It can be beneficial, really.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    2 years ago

    But it's the opposite.

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  • Anonymous Post Author
    2 years ago

    Kindness isn't "beautiful" when all it does is cause you problems. It's very naive to view something that will hurt you as anything other than harmful. Yes, it is the case. Because people will deny this, like you're doing now, despite it being true. There's proof of it too.

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