I have the urge to be normal as a puritan

I have that urge, as I was acting normal being a Puritan, and acting unnormal being a Luciferian (not at the same time), the unnormal part came later when I was Luciferian and I was only being not normal because it deviates from acceptable behaviour. On the other hand I tried to be normal because it was acceptable behaviour of society, and given the addiction to differentness I attempted at acting normal, but I have no evidence of this Puritan normalcy in writing, but I found out my real personality was falling prey to this trick played on me by society, that is being normal, does that mean I can't enjoy it? It doesn't excite people, it's not interesting, maybe I'll be an old man throwing away a good that took 1 1/2 years to calm a normal person down, it sounds weird, but normalcy only takes several months to begin calming normal people down. What good is being different when your normal roommate is angry all the time every day in your presence? Now we see how bad this is and it's nobody's fault except my own (it's my fault that he was always angry and I couldn't do anything about it). That's how a man gets depression, from an environment which isn't normal, you know that? He will call me an idiot never getting his way when I'm very likely to cause neutral opinions being normal, even though Dad treats me like a freak, but soon he won't because I won't let him have a reaction to me, I will frustrate it, because every new identity of normal I have to open my mouth saying things like, "I'm just a regular guy" and "we all go through this process" and "there's nothing special about me", implying I'm normal, which does work when people react funny to this agreeing with me as if it was a fake normal (?). So I want to capture that past when I was a Puritan and Robbie Williams asked "are you normal?" and I said yes, because to me there's nothing beyond the norm, and nothing odd or unusual about it.