I have to put my finger up my anus to signal the sphincter to poop

I am very very very embarrassed about this and it is 100%% true...please no haters! My life really sucks because of this. Ok, here it goes...
I have done this since I was 15 or so and I don't remember how I started, I wish I would never have! I found some kind of pleasure in making myself poop bc it was convenient for me to poop on my time. I was in dance, tennis, drama club, chorus and many other afterschool activities and pooping was so annoying. So I guess I figured out how to "make myself go" when I was at home, comfortable. I did this by squatting in front of the toilet and inserting one finger into my anus, this gave me the feeling of having to go, and miraculously, wiggling it around "tricked" my body into helping me trigger the "gotta go" gland and made my muscles easily push and out came the poo and I was relieved. I continued to do this for the last 9 years, and I am nearly 23 and can't make myself poo any other way! I have tried eating lots and lots of fiber and my stools are soft, but over time that I wore that "trigger" out! So now, my was is THE ONLY way I can poo! It is sooooo bad, I can't go ANYWHERE in public like an airplane, etc. I have classically conditioned my body to avoid long gatherings in case I get the urge to go and can't bc the stall's walls don't go all the way to the floor or someone will notice that "distinct smell" on my hand eventhough I scrub and wash my hand with hot water and antibacterial soap for atleast a min after I go. Does ANYBODY else have this sort of trouble?? please Help me! How am I going to work? School is hard enough, I have to schedule my classes in such a way that I can go home often. Help me, this isn't a prank, or a lie, or a joke... I am serious. It is ruining my life. I have tried to sit on the toilet and push, and push and push, and sometimes it works, but most of the time I can never "finish" with that "refreshed/relieved" feeling like I did when I was a kid. If there is anyone out there that has/knows of/ etc. this problem. I am all ears. I feel so bad, what have I done to my body???

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Based on 63 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • MilkyDripperMoans

    I used to put the old poop finger up there too. You're not alone, you got this. I am here with you in your bowels, and so is your finger.

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  • Deepfingers

    I have the exact same issue. I used to suffer from chronic pain and as a result, they had me on all sorts of terrible pain killers which caused severe digestive issues. Fast forward to now, I am healthy except my bowel habits never healed. They think there is a disconnect with my bowels and my brain. Only way to really empty is using fingers to stimulate internally. I see this is rare. Or at least nobody else wants to share if it is something they do too.

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  • thehalfgoodgirl

    laxatives or fiber

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    • Jo1v

      Why you are not chatting anymore on Instagram

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  • 53739

    this sounds rather odd, in order to go back to a normal pooping schedule you should stop putting your finger up your ass.

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  • GreenEyedDuelist

    I think you should trying taking laxatives, eat more fiber and see a doctor.

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