I just broke up with my boyfriend and he killed himself

9 Comments

He had told me that he would not live without me. And he threatened to kill himself if I broke up with him. I told him that he was being overdramatic. In fact,he had been talking about killing himself for a while.(for other reasons). This was over the phone. He kept begging and begging,and I was like"no." He did come over that morning,and I think we had a nice talk,but I don't really remember. After about a day,I was starting to miss him,and wanted to talk to him. I tried calling,so I left a message on his voicemail, texted him nicely,but it was too late. I knew I should have kept my big mouth shut. I'm the one that posted that my boyfriend died,and I wasn't going to the funeral. It wasn't just an argument,it was a break-up.

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Comments ( 9 )
  • Grunewald
    2 years ago | pl

    I have just found this. Once again, I am so, so sorry. You should know this: whatever toxicity might have existed in that relationship, he killed himself: you did not. You were involved, but he and his mental illness are what were responsible. He had the choice to do it or not and he did it of his own volition and nobody forced his hand. Someone whose attachment to or desperation not to break up with someone makes them not just want to kill themselves, but actually act on it, is acting out of a mental illness - even if only a temporary one. Literature has done us a disservice by romanticising this.

    I am so very sorry for your loss. All of the above being said from a rational, uninvolved outsider's perspective, I don't know how I would cope in your situation.

    Go to the funeral or don't. It doesn't matter what he would have thought in this case. In taking his life in these circumstances he voluntarily surrendered his freedom to have thoughts at all.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      He had mental illness. He tried electroshock therapy earlier this year but it didn't work.

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      • Grunewald
        2 years ago

        I know that electroshock is reserved for people with only the most severe illnesses.

        I would advise that someone that ill really shouldn't be in a romantic relationship at all under almost any circumstances unless they're already in one and have committed to spending their lives together (so marriage, civil partnership, and for me, having a sexual or cohabiting relationship and/or raising children together also count as commitment.). Unless there's something binding involved, I feel it's too great a responsibility for someone who doesn't have the mental capacity to take it on themselves.

        Drawing on my own experience of romance and mental illness, I broke up my relationship with my last ex in 2013 because I could see the strain of him bearing my mental health issues: I hadn't learned how to bear them myself and so he was landed with managing both himself and me. I have learned that love is also seeing the effects of our behaviour and habits on people and trying to make their life better by the way we treat them, because we want them to be well and have contentment in life. The will to have someone for your own because they please you and you are immensely fond of them and they help you and protect you from loneliness and isolation - that is only one kind of love. The kind of love that places the other person above your own desires is entirely another kind. Was your ex aware of why you wanted to break up?

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  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    I strongly recommend speaking to a grief counsellor about this.

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  • Curiouskitten444
    2 years ago

    Im sorry to hear that. Try not to blame yourself, you didnt kill him.

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  • Vvaas
    2 years ago

    damn thats fucked up. you should probably see a therapist

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  • Irizu3748392746483938
    2 years ago

    Well that's too bad.

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  • Mini69
    2 years ago

    This again! You need to get some counselling from a professional

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  • Hookerfall
    2 years ago

    Men are dick thinkers

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