I just realized i'm sexually harassing my boss

63 Comments

So my boss was leaving and I acvidentky tripped him and I offered him a hug well i semi jokingly offer him hugs alot. I'm a hugger and he's always in the dumps here. And uh my one coworker was like he's gonna report you to hr and I was like what why? And yea.. he's never asked me to stop and recently he's even been smiling at me but he's right I've been sexually harassing him and now I feel fucking horrible and I don't work with him for a week so i can't apologize to him and my thoughts are all jumbled. Oh god how do you apologize for that!? Fuck how did i not realize I was doing that. I was to distracted by his cuteness I think fudge. Have any of you guys been caught up in something like this without intending to or realizing it?
God I feel like I'm gonna cry right now

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Comments ( 63 )
  • Bad101
    5 years ago

    I'm in business so I avoid physical contact with everyone. Because of stupid sexual allegations going around the country. Hah
    And an apologie is plenty enough from accidentally tripping him.

    But in saying that it depends on him and his relationship statutes.
    If he's single, from my experience most guys don't mind a hug from the opposite sex, but depends on the dude. But a hug from another dude might make him a bit uncomfortable.
    And if he's married or in a relationship with someone else. That's a big no no, He could report sexual harrassment to save face if he wanted to or his partner could get involved if they find out a worker been getting a wee bit close. This is all from my experience from a workplace in business.

    But I wouldn't worry too much until something happens. Just for now on let people have their personal space, so resist hugging unless you know them really well. Even asking people for permission can flip the next day if you get on their wrong side and then HR knocking at your office (seen this happen to one of my employees).
    I know my workers appreciate a 1 on 1 chat more than hugs. I really only hug close friends. Lol

    Hope this was helpful and worry less.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      It was very helpful thank you! What even happens when they get involved? I've never seen it go down

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      • Bad101
        5 years ago

        Depends what the complaint was about.
        But for a bulling case in the workplace in Australia HR talked to the victim 2 on 1 then the perpetrator. Perpetrator got fired in the end because of ignored warnings and also turning up late to work more then we could tolerate.

        Seen a sexual assualt "false alarm" when I was in America I didn't involve my self that much in that one. All I know is that with the business we have there, the HR department takes formal complaints, and preferable formal written complaints are better and prefered. So the victim wrote a complaints which involved witnesses and evidence of dates and places of when and how many times the incident went down. Then once the formal complaint was sent off to the HR department. They interview the victim then the witnesses. They then double check the perpetrators background (incase they have anything else in their past relating to the complaint[i.e. a past complaint about bad behaviour with a coworker]). And organise an interview with them.

        So because I hate involving my self in sexual assualt complaints I not sure how it went down in reality only how it should go down by our HR guidelines, only know the outcome the person got layed off from work then rehired when proven innocent. The victim didn't get fired but I couldn't be bothered to deal with it. Victim was "well know" so I'll leave it at that.

        Glad I could help, so stick to jokes and smiles. And hug a friend. Hah
        It's a workplace after all.

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          Thank you for that, gives me alot to think about!

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          • Bad101
            5 years ago

            No problem, glad to help.

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  • IrishPotato
    5 years ago

    Stop hugging people you're not close with for starters. It's fucking weird.

    I remember this one time me and a buddy were visiting a female friend of ours and she had another female friend right, cute girl, pretty perky and really talkative.

    I didn't really know her though, and after talking for like 5 minutes she wanted a hug from both of us and I thought it was kind of weird and so did my mate.

    She took it really personal, apparently she wasn't really used to people not going along with it.

    Honestly at this point that moment I wasn't such a big deal, but hugging strangers or co workers is weird as heck.

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    • SwickDinging
      5 years ago

      Sometimes I hug people I don't know well but I do it out of social convention. For example a friend of mine took me over to her parent's house recently and they made me dinner and were really nice, so when I said bye I hugged them both. I felt like it was appropriate because they are the same age as my parents. I don't know if that's weird but it made sense to me at the time.

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      • curious-bunny
        5 years ago

        Yea I fully understand. Hugs arnt weird there normal comforting things and junk.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      I never hugged him! Just offered! I've never once touched him. Where I'm from hugging is normal.. when people are down I was raised to offer a hug and junk. You think I'm ok with any of this!? Now its gonna be in my mind for a week before I can apologize, I dont care about whether or not I'll get reported I just don't want him or anyone to be uncomfertable.

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      • Ellenna
        5 years ago

        If you had no sexual motives, then you were just being unprofessional and probably annoying, that's not sexual harassment.

        Stop obsessing about it but be aware he may have interpreted your behavior as a sexual come on.

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          Hmm good point. Thanks for the advice, either way a apology seems needed, it's nice to hear it's not quite sexual harassment! Huge relief

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          • Ellenna
            5 years ago

            Just don't make a big deal out of it when you apologise, be low key and brief and just let it blow over and don't beat yourself up about it. You sound young: it's ok to make mistakes and learn from them.

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            • curious-bunny
              5 years ago

              Yea your right! I've been planning on brining cupcakes for my co workers soon so when I work with him next sounds like the perfect time so i can be like soo yea cupcake?

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      • IrishPotato
        5 years ago

        To avoid this in the future, don't be like that. Be professional.

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          I definitly will be, I always have been in the past. I'm just to damn friendly uhg. Yea I'm definitly gonna be way more professional from now on

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          • IrishPotato
            5 years ago

            It's more to help yourself out than anything. At least in the workplace. Whatever happens outside of the workplace is totally up to you though.

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            • curious-bunny
              5 years ago

              Yea true. Ill definitly be more careful, I've learnt my lesson I'll be super careful about that from now on

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  • Muser
    5 years ago

    Stop asking to hug him he's a married man.
    Please respect his personal boundaries and his relationship with his wife.
    And in a workplace environment, others can get you in all sorts of trouble, such as made up flirting or other false inappropriate things; people lie all the time. If you want to make a person feel better in the middle of a workplace or even out of it, just talk to them about it. reserve hugs for people you know well, like friends and family.

    This is coming from a place of concern because I hate to see people lose their jobs over trivial things.
    Like Vic Mignogna recently lost his job from hugging a fan with their consent! It's absurd!

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      That's ridiculos!! This society is so stupid, I get it if they didn't consent but they did! But your right I will stop for both our sakes. Better safe than sorry

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      • Muser
        5 years ago

        Society isn't making the rules, there's no courthouse ruling exactly what cheating is for every single couple. Couples set their own rules and boundaries, and they differ between couples.
        These are basic rules people make for each other when married.
        Most married women are not comfortable with their husbands hugging and being friendly with other women, or even having female friends. Even if you are a transwomen, it might piss her off, so it's is still disrespectful. Because hugging is an intimate thing, makes people feel good when down or closer to said person hugging them. Even secretly texting another woman is a form of cheating to some wives. Society isn't making these rules, married couples are.

        Good just find a single dude, so your job wont be at risk.
        And talk to him next time if he's down.
        unless they both tell you hugging other women/transwomen are fine in their marriage, don't hug him anymore. Also, he doesn't take you up on your hug offers think that's a big enough sign to stop as well.
        Please think about your job first, your there to make a living. Friends and "crushes" come after.

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  • Nikclaire
    5 years ago

    Hugging is weird, especially in the work place.

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    • Bad101
      5 years ago

      Yes it is, and this is coming from someone stuck with business jobs. Lol

      1) I grew up hating hugs from both sexes. I don't know why.
      2) Easy way to end up in HR when staring for to long now a form of sexual harresment.
      3) #meToo movement with the voice actor Vic losing his job from hugging.

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      • curious-bunny
        5 years ago

        Damn! That's insane! If you say yes to a hug how could it possibly be a problem?? I don't understand this world

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        • Bad101
          5 years ago

          Yeah and I've met him a few years ago as well. He's very kind but I really hope he sues her.
          Yep doesn't make sense to me either.

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  • litelander8
    5 years ago

    You should just talk to him and apologize if it's actually necessary. I personally don't see how a hug is sexual harassment, at all. But practicing personal space is must.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      Yea your right. Next time I see him I'll definitly bring it up somehow, I'll bring cupcakes with. Should help

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      • litelander8
        5 years ago

        He might think you're sweet on him! Hehehe

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          Honestly i am a little sweet on him. But uh that's not my intent, I dont want him to know would be sooo awkward!!

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          • litelander8
            5 years ago

            You referred to his wife in comparison to you in a different comment.. there's nothing more fun than flirting at work, but you've got to stay professional babe. It's the only way women can win!

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            • curious-bunny
              5 years ago

              I know you are so right! I'll definitly have to distance myself from him a little bit! And yea I met her like 2 weeks ago, she's a bit cuter though

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          • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
            5 years ago

            I wouldnt bring the hugging up with him. That may be awkward. I wouldnt apologize.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    If I had a hot female employee “sexually harrassing” me the last thing I would be doing is complaining to HR. Your boss probably gets a raging boner whenever you hug him.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      He's never taken me up on my hug. He almost did once.. but he's never said no, I look alot like his wife to be honest haha. But yea thanks for the opinion! Would be hot if he did!

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      • Bad101
        5 years ago

        No no don't hug a married man at work. I've seen it get ugly in a workplace and outside when we have work parties. Hah

        But also read you wanting to give cupcakes, that's sweet. Lol but also be careful with giving food, share with everyone you know. People talk at workplaces like they're still in highschool sometimes. Lol

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          Oh yeaa, ill be making like 24 cupcakes and only have 13 co workers so it should be fine! Haha yea I understand. At a job I had years ago there was one boss I had a crush on there, we were gonna have a party and he kept inviting me and saying there would be drinks and junk. Now I had never been drunk before i was like 18 at the time so i didn't know how i would react to it bit I had my thoughts. Well he kept pushing that drink idea, I ended up skipping the party in general. To scared I would end up trying something. I should think back to that more often it could help me stay out of trouble

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          • Bad101
            5 years ago

            Haha yeah perfect amount and some for seconds.
            Yeah you dodged a bullet, gets messy and fucked up having sex/relationships with coworkers.
            Another type of fuel for of blackmailing.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    I don't think he'll report you to HR since he's never complained and since he's been smiling at you. But it is good to be aware of how you're coming across to others. It is good to consider you may be sending him the wrong message. It is important for you to know that even if you didn't mean it as sexual harassment you could still be accused of it because sexual harassment is based in actions not intention. So the best thing for you to do is to decrease the hugs by a lot... But don't make it awkward by completely stopping... Unless you're really scared and have a bad feeling about it. But I understand you. There are some female friends I just would love to hug. They're married and so am I, so our hugs ha e to be brief. But I feel they sense I like them, even live them, and want to hug them more. I frankly don't know what to do with my feelings except bottle them up and not hug them as much out of respect for my wife, their husbands, and them. But seriously, I wish I had hugger female friends at work. There's like three of them I really would like to hug.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      5 years ago

      Right! Some have been saying I'm disrespecting him and his wife, and it's like that's not my meaning at all, I've never seen hugs as a sexual tjing just s friendly emotional thing. I guess this is something me and society will never agree on. At some of my previous jobs hugs were passed around alot and those that didn't want any simply made there desire on it known. It worked well.. it's a shame your not able to hug them, wanting to hug someone and being able to sucks. I would probably live for the hugs to..

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      • Muser
        5 years ago

        It's not societies rules, it's basic rules that differ between married couples.
        Hugging is an imtimate thing, even if it's not sexual, some married women/men find it disrespectful to their relationship and a form of cheating.
        I personally don't but depends on who they're hugging, such as a stranger or a friend.
        Even texting someone secretly is a form of cheating to some couples, because of the break of trust.

        You can still be disrespectful even without trying. (e.g. trying to make someone laugh, not realizing the joke is a bit too inappropriate for the setting)

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        • Bad101
          5 years ago

          Yeahhhh
          Gotta agree with Muser.
          Society not to blame, since the rules of cheating and respect in a marriege differ with everyone.
          Plus you said you had a little crush on him. Lol

          Texting is a no no if there are nudes in my book lol.
          But friends I don't really give a shit.

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  • [Old Memory]
    5 years ago

    Whatever. You didn't do anything bad on purpose, so just don't do it again, and no one will really care.

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  • bigbudchonga
    5 years ago

    Dw about it. Unless he's unable to stand up for himself shouldn't be considered harassment. So long as he can speak for himself then he can tell you to stop. If you carry on after he tells you to stop then that's the point where it should be classed as harassment.

    It seems like you like him and in a coy, immature way, and are showing him that. The world's just in a state of outrage where you have to put a check on basic human interactions. It just sounds like playful fun tbh. I wouldn't be surprised if this actually brightens his day.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      What do you think I should do then? I feel like I should apologize but like he's never asked me to stop or anything and I don't want to build a wall between us. I'm definitly open to suggestions. Honestly please give some suggestions

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      • bigbudchonga
        5 years ago

        Unless he's given off signals for you to stop then I'd continue doing it. Don't feel bad just because society tells you to.

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        • curious-bunny
          5 years ago

          I know I get your point but all the same if I'm making him uncomfertable I need to stop for both our sakes. Tbh I would give most my co workers hugs and have even offered but they have actually said no and the like. But not him he either scowls at me or smiles.

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          • bigbudchonga
            5 years ago

            Tbf dude I might have been a bit hasty. You should probably stop, given the current political climate, but I really don't think you should beat yourself up about it. It just sounds like you're playful with physical contact. (Which seems to be the healthy, natural, and none repressed way to live.)

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        • Bad101
          5 years ago

          I would stop if OP actually never got to hug him like they said. Apparently just kept offering in a joking matter, but no hugs?
          And he's a married man, just respect his boundaries and relationship with his wife.

          I've seen something similar fuck up so much in one of my workplaces with someones girlfriend. Haha we had to let someone go for a bit but rehired them after a written apology. (Also they had too many minor strikes)

          And other co-workers might start making more comments and not just the one about "he might report you to HR". Might get messier and petty, and that make work hell.
          It's a workplace, just work lol. And have a little fun but be professional as well.

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          • curious-bunny
            5 years ago

            Yea never gotten it.. almost did once but got called off to help someone in footwear and he left since we both opened. Stupid shoe shoppers.. Yea that's definitly not good. Apologize I must. Fuck I hate this wasn't even being pervy. I hate these rules but I'm glad there in place it could be dangerous to work otherwise

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            • Bad101
              5 years ago

              Yeah don't risk it, you'd be surprised what a bosses wife can do. Hugs are close intimate things and can be inappropriate sometimes even if it's not a sexual thing. Remember Vic lost his job from one.

              Also just look for a single man, nothing good gonna come from someone who's already married. Since sounds like you have a crush on him.

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  • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
    5 years ago

    He would probably be embarrassed to complain to HR about someone sexually harrassing him. Especially if he's a boss and its not that big of a deal. He would be the butt of jokes. Think about it.

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    • curious-bunny
      5 years ago

      Probably yes but I don't care that much of he complains. I only truly care aboyt that I may have made h in uncomfertable in any way. I I just can't do that. I'm not ok with that at all. I dont think he finds it that way I mean normally he svowks at me but today I got several smiles from him so like idk I'm all conflicted!

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      • WeirdGuyFromTheSouth
        5 years ago

        Its not that bad tho he will be alright just dont be too touchy feely all the time with him

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  • Meowypowers
    5 years ago

    "My thoughts are all jumbled"
    Stop. Just do your job.

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  • JellyBeanBandit
    5 years ago

    I don't see what the big deal is, they're just hugs. You didn't even force hugs on him, you just offered (unless I'm reading that part wrong). Even so it wouldn't be that big of a deal.

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  • bogbrush
    5 years ago

    Oh! you beast. Am sure he doesn't really care about a few hugs. Forget about it.

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