I know i'm going to kill myself if i can't help it

33% Normal
7 Comments

I'm not saying I'm gonna do it now or tomorrow or next week. I just know I'm gonna do it at some point.

I mean I got the exact pills ready in my drawer at any time. I had those pills in there since last year even though I had these thoughts since I was 14.
I'm 21 now and it just feels like its all coming together even though it's taking years. Baby steps.

Every little inconvenience is making me think of doing it and when I'm not occupied those thoughts occupy my mind. I mean these last three years were something else.

I tried contacting a suicide hotline and after not picking up three times I still found speaking to someone to be unhelpful. I also tried talking to my friends, it still doesn't help but I can't be totally honest with my friends since I feel like they might leave if they really know what's going on in my head. Talking to my family is not an option. I told my mom I was feeling depressed once(I was really desperate at this point) and she laughed and mocked at me. Well, that one was my fault, I really don't know what I was expecting.

I am still under my parents as I live with them and need their money, I'm currently applying for colleges so that I can start studying even though I don't see a point I'm hoping that can distract me that's if I even get accepted.

I can't go to a doctor which is what the women on the phone said. I don't even have the money for a doctor.

So anyway if you guys have any suggestions as to what I can do that would be helpful. Thanks.

I'm sorry if my post isn't making sense or if it's too weird.

Voting Results
33% Normal
Based on 9 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    If you overdose on pills you'll suffer alot. Its not gonna be a quick and easy way. And you're only 21 which is around the hardest age. Transitioning into adulthood sucks. Also college is quite pointless these days unless you want to go into a select few fields and get a degree for that. You could just look into getting a job somewhere now. Look into apprenticeship programs. Most of these skilled trade positions pay more than a college degree would get you.

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  • litelander8
    1 year ago

    I assure that most of us dread living. You’ll just have to find something to live for.

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  • raisinbran
    1 year ago

    The pills will probably destroy your liver and not kill you. You'll end up being stuck in a hospital bed and a huge financial burden to your parents. Figure something else out or live out your life to a natural end. A few decades of misery is not a big deal.

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    • ospry
      1 year ago

      "A few decades of misery is not a big deal". If the type of misery you experience is something that you can casually shrug off for decades, I think you're misusing the word misery

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  • Iambillythemenacetosociety
    1 year ago

    Good luck.👍

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  • Orphan
    1 year ago

    3 things to help u change your mind:

    1) u called a hotline so chances are u don't wanna kill yourself.

    2) u would see a doctor if u could so chances are u don't wanna kill yourself.

    3) just don't ever do it coz if u do, somebody out there is gonna laugh about it

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  • bbrown95
    1 year ago

    I'm really sorry you're going through this. Please hang in there.

    Honestly, things pretty much sucked for me at your age, and especially as a teenager. It's a tough age, but it really does get better. You just have to get through the bad shit. This too shall pass.

    I'm really sorry you don't have a good support system, either. Just know that even if we are Internet strangers on here, we care and are here for you! There's also a pretty neat site called 7 Cups that has a support chat for people going through a lot, and based on my limited experience there, I found it to be a pretty supportive group of people.

    You have your whole life ahead of you though, and in my experience, life gets better the older you get, especially since you gain more control over it as you get older. You're taking a step towards that by applying for colleges, and even if you don't end up going the college route, you can start a career (and not to derail, but despite what some people say, it's absolutely possible to have a good career and make good money without a college education). You're so close, so please don't give up!

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