I know it's not normal, but what do i do? sex/porn acting out.

I have been struggling with an issues I've been having the past two years...
It started early on in the pandemic as a means to distract myself from the insanity of it all, my mind was blowing up with frustration and anxiety. So I turned to porn. Which very much so was like changing the channel completely at that time.

I've masturbated and looked at porn my whole life, had lots of great fantasies, crushes, and wonderful orgasms. But around two years ago I started developing this compulsion, or even an addiction, so to speak. I think it started with me distracting myself and wanting to look at porn, and then making myself get off to it, even if I wasn't turned on or aroused.

I can't seem to stop myself and have a very hard time controlling this. I never had this happen, ever in my life, in this way. I go at most a day or two at best without masturbation, with or without porn use, and each time it mostly, 80-90% of the time, feels like I am forcing it. And it starts now with an urge to look at porn, or an urge to do it, born out of frustration I am experienceing in life still. Deep frustration with not being able to find a real life mate, a better job, circumstances out of my control, feeling powerless and overwhelmed, and in that moment of intense frustration, I feel the need to look at a penis, or watch a cumshot video. And I'm not even horny or aroused or turned on.

This is messed up and I know it's not normal, and it's not normal for me at all, I never used to be like this.
I've tried talked to two therapists so far, but they haven't helped or understand how serious this is. After I do it, and I orgasm, I feel so bad and even more frustrated that this is happening. It just triggers more powerlessness. And if I try to stop myself, it doesn't always work. If I decide to look at porn, it's even harder to stop myself, because I just want feel good again, I want to feel the way I used to feel; the way I'm sure anyone feels when they masturbate: good, pleasurable, wonderful. This feels more machinistic, route, it's sickening and I'm overwhelmed and tired of it.

Is going to a Sex Addiction or AA type meeting my only solution? I don't even know if this is a bonafide addiction or compulsion. All I know is I want it to be over with.

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Based on 4 votes (2 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • profanity

    Find a hobby?

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    • donkeykong716

      this might be the way... will try focusing my attention on old hobbies or possibly discovering a new one.

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  • BeaverRun

    A modern internet problem. If you want to read the latest, check out the book "Your Brain on Porn." It seems that porn is just now starting to be accepted as an addiction.

    If you go to AA or something similar, you will not fit in just yet. IF, and that is IF, you want to get away from it; you need a therapist.

    Remember, it is probably OK if it does not hurt you or someone else. But certainly, the book mentioned above describes almost exactly what you described as being compelled to watch porn and forcing your masturbation.

    When you get with a person, you may find that you have difficulties. That is when people move away from porn addiction.

    If you enjoy where you are - do your thing.

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    • donkeykong716

      what's interesting is I never felt I had a porn addiction - per se, based on typical descriptions ("needing to look at porn constantly throughout the day, in inappropriate situations, for hours on etc, etc, etc")
      I always had a routine for a long time, and usually found a few of my favorite videos with my type of guy to get off to, or to kind of milk a fantasy I had running in my head. That always felt normal to me, despite being sometimes excessive. But that's not what's been happening lately.

      I go to work, do my job, go to the store, hangout with people, run errands, go to the park, etc. All without thinking or looking at porn. I gander at the stupid hookup apps constantly though, and for that reason I believe, sex and guys are always on my mind, even when one is not standing in front of me. I feel my brain HAS been re-wired because I can't un-wire it or it's very hard to do... and in person, I feel like I'm stuck in objectifying people as sex objects, it's like I'm stuck in some perpetual 'thirst-mode' and can't get unstuck, I can't turn it off, it's difficult for me to think 'platonic' thoughts and have my attention focused on someone in a non-sexual way...

      Sure it's normal to think about sex a lot but I know I'm obsessively focused on it, because I'm also desperate to get laid. I'm 38 and it's been years. I'm also usually way too afraid to approach people IRL, and online dating/hookup sites are a disaster with no luck. So I think I turn to porn now out of frustration, because then I can try to imagine myself having sex with a guy, except, I'm forcing it... it's like I'm taking out my frustrations on myself. Like I'm punishing myself for my bad luck in life.

      I thought that the other day about AA meetings. They just might not get me, which might trigger more feelings of being misunderstood with this problem.

      I would say I have an internet addiction though. Useless scrolling through feeds and apps, constantly searching for stuff on the internet, being sucked into youtube and instagram's algorythms..

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  • Mountainman0nfire

    We all have a sex drive, some more than others!! I look at porn daily as I am in a sexless marriage

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    • donkeykong716

      yeah, I get it, but I definitely feel like there is an OCD element of sorts driving this...

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  • Ligeia

    Get an extension to block the sites.
    I think there are support groups for this like nofap but I'm not sure

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    • donkeykong716

      yeah, Apple's way of doing this is to 'restrict adult websites', which works on porn sites, unfortunately the algorithym or filter is horrible, and it ends up restricting random sites that should have nothing to do with porn, etc, so I end up having to turn it off for a minute, which is kind of like an 'opening the gates' feeling (meaning, Oh I can do it now!) and I lose the self-control pretty fast, and I just get more mad the technology doesn't work.

      I really don't want to have to download some seperate thing to just stop like 2-3 websites...

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      • Ligeia

        Can't you get an extension that can block specific websites?

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        • donkeykong716

          I have Safari. I'm not sure.

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