I love him but as a friend but he's a great partner?

88% Normal
18 Comments

My close male friend and I talk every day, we comfort each other when the other is feeling down, even give each other back massages and bring each other food etc. We act like a couple I know but we're not.

He's a great guy, incredibly kind and funny so funny I laugh so hard my belly aches from laughing so much when I'm with him but I just don't feel that spark when I'm with him and he himself doesn't even want a relationship because he has mental health issues and is currently in therapy focused on that. But at the same time we talk about the future and we act like we're gonna be together forever. We've known each other several yrs now and have never went a day without each other also hang out every weekend at each other's place (totally platonic though).

Anyway he would make a great husband and a great father I know he would and he's always telling me I'm going to be the best mother when I have kids in the future and that whoever marries me is going to be the luckiest person alive and that he wouldn't be able to go to my wedding because he'd feel depressed seeing me marry someone.

It's weird I know but I don't know what to do. I know I love him a lot, I'd die for him but I only love him as a friend I don't really think about it romantically.

Am I being stupid? Are we being stupid? Is it normal to love someone and act as a couple but not feel they're meant for you as a life partner?

Voting Results
88% Normal
Based on 8 votes (7 yes)
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Comments ( 18 )
  • ellnell
    2 years ago

    I know that situation but you just can't force feelings.
    Don't date someone whom you don't feel romantically for or you'll come to regret it and so will he, you'd be keeping him from someone who might actually love him while you might come to resent him.
    Be thankful for the friendship instead.

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  • S0UNDS_WEIRD
    2 years ago

    I honestly think this might be worth considering. I mean let's look at the facts.

    • You think he would be an amazing husband
    • You think he would be an amazing father
    • You have an amazing friendship with him
    • You give each other massages
    • You literally fantasize about kissing him and having sex with him

    That last part alone makes it a bit perplexing where the "just as a friend" talk is coming from. There's also the fact that you even felt the need to post this. I think the only "spark" you're missing is that oxytocin driven rush of newness when you first crush on someone, because you had the friendship already. If you're fantasizing about kissing and having sex with this guy in addition to loving him and wanting to be around him all day, "just friends" isn't the most accurate description of what's going on.

    I think the bigger issue at hand is that you say he doesn't want a relationship with anyone right now. I suspect if he ends up with someone else when that changes you're not going to like that one fucking bit. So that's just something to think about it. The call is ultimately between the two of you though.

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  • Meowypowers
    2 years ago

    It is good to have a bestie friend

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  • olderdude-xx
    2 years ago

    This is an often never taught for of "really good close" friend.

    I've got one over 40 years long I actually dated that didn't work out for marriage...

    Cherish your friendship - and may each of you find a marriage partner who understands that its OK to have close friends with someone of the opposite sex.

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  • RoseIsabella
    2 years ago

    Maybe you should talk to him about this stuff?

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  • Grunewald
    2 years ago

    I'd say, protect your emotions. While you're just friends, keep the level of emotional intimacy at 'friend' level because if and when one of you finds a partner or takes any of the other kinds of liberties you can take when you're single, it will hurt.

    My advice would be to have a variety of friends and to just try and cool things down a little bit with this guy, if friends is all he wants to be. Also, you would be freeing your heart up for someone else, too.

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  • Rocketrain
    2 years ago

    Very simple.
    You think you don't want him right. Keep the friend ship but don't be a jerk. Why I say that. Because he is on your hook. Make a distance because when you marry some one else you said your self he will be sad. You post cleat that you don't want him to have a broken heart. What you are doing is blocking his other options because the way you treat him make him have a attachment to you and he won't be able to date another women because of you. Brake that If you really not planning to fallen in love with him. Make a distance up to you two still have a good and healthy friendship but with no mix feelings. Willingly or unwillingly you are keeping him on the hook with your actions. You are the one who don't want him so you are the one who should take some actions

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  • SouthernWeirdBroker
    2 years ago

    Does the thought of sex witb him feel disgusting to you?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      No actually I sometimes fantasize about him

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    2 years ago

    Does the thought of sex witb him feel disgusting to you?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      Wait why did two people ask the same exact question??

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      • Grunewald
        2 years ago

        This isn't the first time I've seen him do it.

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      • 1WeirdGuy
        2 years ago

        Purely a coincidence I did not read the other persons comment

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          2 years ago

          Lol impossible you even misspelled the same word..

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          • 1WeirdGuy
            2 years ago

            Oh, I thought you were talking about SkullNRoses. That other user is just some person who made a username like me and is copying my posts. I guess they have a lot of time on their hands. Didnt even notice them until you said something.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    Be honest with yourself, does the idea of kissing him and having sex with him repulse you? If the answer is yes don’t go out with him.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      2 years ago

      No.. that's actually one more confusing part. Normally I won't think about kissing or having sex with a male friend but I sometimes fantasize about him and I've only ever thought this about people I've dated

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      • 1WeirdGuy
        2 years ago

        Sounds like it can possibly work to me

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