I'm 20 and i've never had a boyfriend

Reading your comment was like reading my own life, except I don%%u2019t feel tormented about it anymore...

I%%u2019m 20 too and I%%u2019m overweight though I`ve already lost 40 pounds with pure effort, force of will and medical assistance, and I%%u2019ve never had a guy even be interested in me.

I used to think something was wrong with me, that maybe I was just too ugly or too fat or that my personality was flat, or that guys didn%%u2019t want a smart girl like me, or whatever...And I tried to change everything about me to suit other%%u2019s likes, while feeling miserable inside.

I saw a potential boyfriend in anything that had pants, I had a fixation with and it wasn%%u2019t fun at all, my friends were of no help (they did what yours do) and my mom just told me that everything came when the moment was right and to be myself.

Turns out: Mom%%u2019s right.

My advice is to focus on you: if you want to loose weight, do it!. If you like the way you are, great! That%%u2019s already having more than most striking, stop traffic girls have: confidence. Get guy friends and concentrate on bieng their friend and getting to know them without feeling like a failure if they aren%%u2019t interested in you girlfriend-like, be yourself at all times and you%%u2019ll see how freeing and addictive it is.

If you%%u2019re meant to have a boyfriend you will and he%%u2019ll love you for who you are because that%%u2019s what you%%u2019ll demand. Don%%u2019t rush or you%%u2019ll crash. Enjoy that you%%u2019re young and flip off those guys that look down at you for whatever reason, since they probably have a peanut for a brain and we should pity them.

And reading all of those comments that blame your %%u201Cproblem%%u201D on being fat: that%%u2019s bull! You won%%u2019t get a litter of boyfriends just because you loose weight, you%%u2019ll get them because your confidence and your personality will show through and call out to a guy that will make the wait worth it.

Hey. So I know I'm way down on the list here and that it took me ages to respond to this, but I want to let you know that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you! Don't listen to the jerks telling you to lose weight because honestly any guy who wouldn't like you solely based upon your weight is a loser and not worth your time anyway. I'm heavyset and yet I found an incredible man who loves me for who I am (inside and out) and he's my husband now. If I could have taken back all of the guys I dated when I was younger and exchanged them for waiting a bit until I met him, I would in a moment. Think about it this way...it's quality not quantity that counts. I am positive that if you turn your self image around, things will begin to change for you! I used to dwell on my weight, my every imperfection. It was when I stopped worrying and felt proud of who I am that things turned around for me. Guys pay attention to people with confidence who are not afraid to be themselves. Be proud of who you are first and foremost and I'm positive the guys will follow! Don't ever listen to the people who try to bring you down because odds are, they have their own insecurities that they blanket with ignorant statements about others. You're going to be fine, promise. When you do find the right guy, you'll know it and as cliche as it sounds, he will be worth every SECOND that he wasn't in your life. The right ones are worth waiting for and it's a lot better when you don't have to dwell on the mistakes you made in the past. Trust me, you're saving yourself a lot of trouble and heartache. :)

Well that makes two of us......

don't worry about it, I am 20 as well and have never had a bf either. There's nothing wrong with you just haven't found the right person yet...but don't worry you will.

Just please don't rush it, don't just get into a relationship so you can know what its like. Find the right person and THEN do all that stuff.

okay, seriously? why is the world so thin-crazed? i love how people assume that you don't workout. you never once said that didn't workout. you can workout and still be bigger. the only reason you should try to lose weight, is because YOU want to. not for anybody else. it's for YOU! nobody is better than you, we are all equal. just keep that in the back of your head. i love how you said so many things in your question, and the only thing peopled commented on was how you said you were "fat." this angers me so much. this is the reason 14 and 15 year old girls are starving themselves, because this is all they see. how "fat" is wrong. and how "skinny" is the way to go. even if you are happy and "fat" you still should become "skinny." but if someone is "skinny" and unhappy, it's okay. i have worried about my weight since i was EIGHT! EIGHT YEARS OLD! this is absolutely ridiculous. i remember starving myself for a week. it didn't matter if i was skinny and unhealthy, skinny was the only thing that mattered to me. live life, without worrying about your weight 24/7. as long as your healthy and happy that's all that matters. if you think that being overweight is affecting how you live life and you are worried about your health and well- being, then fine it's okay to try to lose weight. and please, don't worry about getting a boyfriend, you have your whole life in front of you girl! lol. you have plenty of time to find the right guy for you. guys usually hold you back, anyway. so remember to walk with confidence, and to never forget who you are.
best of luck! :)

Simply put: you are young and there is time.

I dated a bit in my 20s, but didn't have a serious relationship until my 30s. That may be a bit later than most, but it wasn't a bad thing. Be yourself, do what you love, and love will find you in its own time.

Hi i'm 18 with no boyfriend and i know what you mean. I am no skinny model or a big girl i'm just right, I have meat on my bones (to specify- size 14 and proud) and I never want to be skinny but healthy. I don't believe a girl should change the way she looks for someone and that people should except you for who you are and what you look like an yet i do have my occasional "fat" days but I know that im no perfection and I'm only human. So girl, if you are "fat" as you say or big boned or healthy, whatever or however you look YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL inside and outside, ok. Like you I also have friends who encourage me guys are no good and yet they are in relationships, I don't let it get to me and bring me down because I don't like to waste time,I know they mean well and I know eventually "someone" worthwhile will find me. Yet guys are not exactly like peaches and cream, they to have flaws and there is no prince charming out there but somewhere theres a guy who is nicer then others and you'll know when you meet him. Sometimes I get emotional about it only rarely though, like - I wish I had someone and I feel like a loner and quite lonely too. I learnt if you want something to happen that YOU gotta do something about it, guys like confident girls who are fun to be around and these days girls ask boys out. If you like someone when your near them smile at them, laugh at their jokes, lean in when they talk and enjoy yourself! GUYS LOVE CURVES! right guys. OH and remember everything happens for a reason. :) good luck curvalious IS IN...

I am 18 and am in the same boat as you (never dated or kissed, all that stuff you mentioned). I don't worry about it because I'm still young and there's time for this stuff. Don't worry about finding someone else to share your life with before you know yourself. Also, I don't think being fat alone is a reason for men not to like you, that's ridiculous. However my friend if YOU would feel better after you lose the weight, then by all means go for it; but don't change yourself just for some guy. :)

Basically yeah this is normal, don't worry, you're far from being the only one.

P.S. I know I'm intimidating to guys, at least pretty sure of it

I'm almost 21 and still don't have a girlfriend.It is normally. Don't worry, be happy. ^^

Hey but isnt weight just a state of mind.... I mean fat chicks get guys too. what i have noticed is that any girl who is confident and outgoing will probably have a bf. So what you wanna do is build up your confidence, i suppose excercising increases the happy, and increases confidence.

don't be afraid to flirt a little with any dude that looks relatively pleasing to you, because even if you find some dude who is mr. right you still have to be able to attract him. so you gotta learn those little skillz (yes, that was corny) that draw men to you. its like a science experiment, how to attact the menfolk. Just play around if you really want a bf, (play around as in see how you can attract the right attention to yourself)

i mean any girl can be thin and decent looking but that doesn't necessarily attract men (well, men you want to attract.) Socializing, does, you gotta be confident enough to talk to guys and to flirt with guys.

In the end, weight is not the issue and if you think it is, you are just getting caught in a cycle. If you want to improve your body and be healthy, cool. but don't let your weight stop you from feeling like you are the most eligible bachelorette out there.

Just because something isn't "usual" doesn't mean something is rare. Thinking you're the only 20 year old out there who's never had a boyfriend is like thinking you're the only one who's never tried drugs or killed a man with their bare hands. Opposites do attract, but that's in terms of personality (likes and dislikes, you save, he spends, conflict ) in general individuals gravitate towards other like-minded individuals. If you let yourself feel miserable, you're going to notice the people around you feeling miserable too. Not by coincedence. Sometimes, you just have to smile, and be happy. Know you deserve good things out of life, and be willing to go out and get them instead of waiting for them to happen to you. Then, other happy people will shift towards you, and they'll know too that you deserve good things. And when they see you reaching for the things that you want, they might get the courage to do the same. And the thing they reach for might just be you.Then, you'll notice you're smiling and happy just because. You can't wait for someone to live your life for you. Sometimes the best example to follow is the one you set yourself. Nothing stops you from having a guy if you want one, there are plenty of guys who are just shy. Nice non-disappointing ones even, who probably just don't have guts enough to make the first move. Make lots of guy friends, pick the one you like best, and then molest him =D GUys like that, to be molested lol

Having a boyfriend is not the only thing in life u should aim at ,JUST BE WHAT U R AND DON'T LOOK BACK. I would suggest u get fit and loose some weight and concentrate on ur studies basically be a good human being ,u will get whatever u wish for if u roll on and divert ur mind ,be a healthy mind in a healthy body good luck

You know, I know exactly how you feel. Im also 20, never been asked out. And I know what you mean about friends comments. The ones with boyfriends don't seem to understand what it's like to wish you had that special someone. And it can be inconsiderate of them to start bombarding you with their relationship problems because I know for me personally, it just makes me feel so much worse about myself

Maybe you should be more confident. Dont go out looking for a relationship.When you do that it seems like you will never find one. Comparing yourself to your friends is not good either.And dont go around feeling sorry for yourself cuz your on the bigger side. Do you know how many big girls have hott boyfriends!

Just live your life, a guy will come along sometime, dont sweat it

sign op for an online dating servise, and don't isten to these a**holes who tell you to loose weight or anything, when you happy with youself, people will notice and atract to you

I've never dated, or had sex with, a bigger woman. But i do have alot of chick friends that are woman and are heavyer set. I enjoy their company and am really close to them. If there's one thing a guy can't stand, it's not necceserally the woman being overwieght, but in my opinion, and most my friends, its that guys want a woman that is confidant in herself no matter what other people think. I've dated gorgeous woman in the past, that have great bodys, and are just plain attractive, but the relationship wouldn't work on my end, because they lacked self-confidance. Its a major part that is detrimental to any relationship, and if you master that simple self assurance, you have alot better chance of finding "Mr. Right".

All i know is, Im skinny and i dont have a boyfriend, and a friend of mine who's on the larger side does. Also, I have a friend who is actually quite fat and she always has boyfriends, so i think it has more to do with attitude than weight!

I'm 21 and in the same boat as you- there is the constant thought in the back of my head that I'm a freak and noone will ever love me. I know I have a great personality- I have tonnes of good friends and people seem to love hanging out with me and doing things, and I have guy friends, but I've never met a guy intreseted in me that other way. I'm working on loosing some weight but it's a bit of a slow process and I know I'll never be THIN, even if I am healthy. I do feel a little better though when I think about all my friends who are the same age and so pretty/gorgeous/thin/have great personalities but also haven't ever had boyfriends.

I totally agree with Spyderr. And like everyone else said you have to be happy with yourself and NOT need to go SEARCHING for a boy. If you focus on looking, you will be always and constantly disappointed. Kind of like Murphey's law, you're less likely to find someone if you focus on it too much. Have fun, live your life, and someone WILL come along. Btw, have you ever seen a girl who, upon looking close, really isn't that pretty, but always has a boyfriend and everyone wants to date her? It's because she thinks she's hot and the shit. Like what's her name from Sex in the City. Is it Sarah Parker or something.

I think that it may be a self-conscience issue. There are plenty of guys that like big girls. It may be that you are focusing so much on being fat that you are missing people who are sending subtle signs out to you. Confidence is a major turn on to guys - I have seen girls that I would not be attracted to pulling hot guys because they are so confident that he barely notices that she is unattractive. Dress your best features and work on you some more. Guys get better as they age, so at least you wont be a starter girlfriend.

I'm 19 going on 20 and I've never had a boyfriend either. But I don't think I'm abnormal. I'm happy, I have a lot of friends, and I do get asked out, but I am never interested. As lame as this sounds, I just want to fall in love.

I mean, I thought I did once, and then it brought me loads of pain. So I don't want that anymore. People will take advantage of you when you need them.

My point is, you know how the more you're looking for something, it's harder to find? Maybe you should just enjoy the things you have, like other people said, focus on your hobbies, friends...

About the weight thing...as long as you're within a healthy BMI, you're fine.

Good luck!

I agree with "hoolagirl (80442)" i mean i'm i'm 19, i weigh 8st i always make an effort to look nice and i get told that i do and i've never had a boyfriend!
Just make sure you're looking in the right places (that's my problem), no bars etc... . Be friends first! I've started trying to make sure of that, i also try and go out with confidence, which apparently might be making guys intimidated but if they want me to change they can f**k off! My best friend started dating this guy a four months ago (day before valentines day :/) I was happy for her because they're perfect for eachother but i cried for two days straight because of my insecurities. Even before that i used to stand in front of the mirror and cry because i thought i was ugly.
Now i have ground rules before i go out ANYWHERE:
1.Always go out feeling like you look the best you can (and are comfortable with it)no matter where you are going.
2.In reference to number 1 make sure you dress appropriately (situation appropriate)
3. Please yourself not some guy (If you like the way you are then the right guy will/will grow too as well, i'm still waiting but it's a motto i'm sticking to :P)

Hey!

I don't think it has anything to do with you being overweight. Like you said, lot's of people who are overweight have boyfriends! I'm 20 and thin, and I've never had a boyfriend. Although I do get attention from guys and have been on dates and stuff, no guy has ever gone past that. Guys tend to tell me I'm a lot of fun too (and it's not because I put out, because I definitely do not). But so far, no luck in the boyfriend department.

As you've acknowledged, it could be something about you, but I also think it could be the guys you're meeting too. I feel like a lot of guys our age are into the "friends with benefits" deal. Girls who have committed boyfriends at our age are really lucky. I feel like we'll have more luck as we get older and guys are more interested in settling down. At least, this is what I tell myself is the reason I'm still without a boyfriend.

I'm not going to lie, I get pretty upset about it and often wonder what's wrong with me. But recently, I've become content with being single because I almost give up. It is pretty lonely though.

Anyway, I doubt this helped much. I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone. There's other 20-year-old girls, like me, who've never had a boyfriend.

Start excercising. It WILL boost your confidence when you start to make progress and will help you to shed a few pounds. Also, eat healthy, people who eat nutririous balanced meal generally feel better about themselves ad IT SHOWS! If you want guys to like you, you have have have to like yourself! Your sel-cofidence will shine through and guys really do take notice!

Do something about it starting from now no time to waste. Completely reform yourself physically and act beautiful and mysterious. Loose weight by eating healthy and once you've lost a few pounds then start exercising. You can be anything you want you just have to desire it. The world is yours for the taking. It doesn't matter about your physical features that u can't help (nose etc.) it's all about making the most of what you've got ( princess Diana had a crooked nose but her mystery and aura overcame it completely and it only made her more unique, a very attractive trait). Sometimes it helps to he angry at your indulgent feelings and weak minded personality. However do not change your best qualities or you will 'loose yourself' and become someone else. Just perfect yourself and know that if other people can do it so can you. Make a list of what you want to change if it helps. Good luck. Brace yourself for an at times hard but fulfilling journey and you will have no regrets and you will find a great man. It's all about changing your mindset ( the way you think and your perception) Start NOW

Everyone goes at their own pace. And if you're not meant to have a boy, well, that's that. Just take life as it goes.

*hugs the poster of this comment* I'm a 20 year old man...you rule...I had to wait until about a year ago to find a girlfriend...and fat girls RULE, OMG I love love LOVE the way they keep you so warm when they cuddle with you :) and that yummy bouncy fat girl booty

But to be fair, I also love skinny girls...like the way they can just pop in and surprise you haha. Yeah...physically I like fat girls for the cleavage and hiney, and I like skinny girls for the legs.

Well maybe I love all the ladies, I can't help it. I want to find a stable relationship but it's pretty hard, I feel lonely a lot and it's hard not to get down on myself, and I have a PERFECT physique too...(almost). But a girl like you has got to find someone soon. I'm single right now and my heart crys for you on this one babe.

Ok you need hex. Badly.

Build up confidence. I was and sort am in the same boat. I got sick of my family telling me how pathetic I was. So I littery went to walmart and was rejected by 10 guys before one agreed to go on a date with me. I'm still single but I'm happy and I lost my virgity when I was 19 years old in the bathroom while missing 15 minutes of first aid class.

Honey you have to love yourself and do what makes you feel good its your life your beautiful inside and out don't feel skinny chicks get the boyfriends cause they have flaws no one is perfect.Workout only if you want to.Don't do nothing if your heart isn't in it or if your heart doesn't lead you to do it.Sometimes the closer you are to your victory the further away it can seem in due time it will happen! I am just now reading your statement question and i am responding right away do what makes you feel good do the things that make you feel good and pretty when you are looking for something it always takes longer to come when you take your mind off what you are worried about it comes more quickly i used to feel like you i mean no boyfriend no kiss or date with one. I thought something was wrong with me but if a guy can't see how much of a catch i am then i don't want to and will not settle for someone so dumb,I hope you will feel the same.A real man know how to see a good woman.Beauty is skin deep it comes from within. Know your beauty and worth and in time you will have that real smart good man as your boyfriend ,who knows he might be husband to you.I wish you much success in you finding the right guy who's man enough and loves you for you or the man who is the right guy who is man enough and loves you for you finding you.Give yourself a pat on the back and keep your head up and don't let your friends talk of boyfriends bother you.

Yes its normal to be 20 honey and not have a boyfriend I just turned 24 and i have never had a boyfriend There is nothing wrong with you or me.It Is Just Because The Right One Ain't Found You and me.

God will give you the one you are looking for... just be patient

This is almost my life story, except i'm just turning 17 this year :) Anyway, this is not cool! Consider pursuing your hobbies and concentrate on enjoying your life through those things, instead of concentrating on the boy problem...

Also, those are not your friends. Real friends would never abandon you like that, they'd try to help you.

Are you in college now? if you are, try making some guy friends. Maybe something will blossom from there :)

Well don't think negative because when you think
negative bad things happen I promise you that is
True.
And it completely normal because life happens at it's
Own speed you can't force it to change speeds
No One is ugly . Ugly is just an emotion
Beauty comes from within

Try Hanqin out more & meetinq new ppl. Go 2 partys and socialize more. And Deh Size doesnt matter there are quys who like fat girls better & seen fat qirls more attractiv tan skinny ones.. But try exercizin and diets so you could feel better with yourself. wear clothes that make you feel confident and sexy. Etc.

Gud Luck

I'm 18 and have similar issues. I'm sure you're not unattractive, probably just really shy. Try taking up something like music. Throw yourself into one of your passions, it really helps self-esteem. Exercise could be good also, but you don't have to do it to lose weight, just to feel a little better. Exercise can have the same effect as an antidepressant.

legit, it has nothing to do with your insecurity with yourself. well if you arent outgoing and talkative to guys, how do you expect to date them?
and if you think your "fatness" is playing such a crucial part on you unable to have a boyfriend then go to a gym, and watch you could maybe meet a guy there too.

IF you are not comfortable with anything about yourself, you should change it, feel motivated, and optimistic.
You could try finding someone from online. Though be careful.
Half of the population today tries online dating.

Hey.
I know what you mean, I dont understand when really shit ugly girls get these guys. Its beyond me to be honest.

I dont know what you should do, maybe do online dating, I met my Hubby through work so I dont know what you do for a living maybe try meeting new people. Your still young honey. Dont be stressing.

Heidi x

wow the world is so obsessed with being thin now adays thats probably why since ur fat u havent had a boyfriend yet or ur shy im genetically chubby cuz of my parents but i workout so i dont worry bout dat no more just start workin out take more risks dont be shy

I don't mean to be insensitive to your situation or anything. But lose weight and have some self discipline.

Fat girls hit on me frequently and I don't like it. Why? Because I have a conscience and I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I also don't want to date them.

I like a little chub, just not girls like 160+ lbs. I weigh 190 as a man, I don't want to be outweighed by a girl I'm dating.

Put some work into your appearance, and you'll get somewhere.

People who ACT like they HAVE to be FAT annoy me. It's a choice. Do you want food or do you want love? Do you want health or do you want poor health?

Hey ... ( before you read this , please forgive my bad english :(
I juste saw your msg and i was really glad to know that i'm not the only one .. I juste wanna add that in my case , I had 2 guys who were attracted to me in my hole life ( and they didn't ask me out ) ... and one of them is still .. i dont khow .. giving me "indirect " signals ( I may be wrong ) , but I just wanna say that they weren't direct with me .. and even if they were , I don't think I could go out with them .. cus I'm not attracted to them .. maybe that's my problem .. that's what my BBF tells me all the time ( (PS: she doesn't know that i've never been with someone .. im too ashamed to tell her cus she's a beautiful girl and every guy who knows her falls in love with her :(
I dont talk to my mom either cus she's always asking me why don't you have a bf ?? it's not normal ... :(
back to what I was saying ... my BFF tells me all the time that i dont have a guy now cus i have some " criterions" or I dont know .. but its not the case , i do wanna be with someone but not with anyone .. or i might be gay ( I've been watching a gay romance lately lol )
Bottom line , i think that the problem is me ... im not oftenly attracted to guys ( i've nevr been attracted to girls neither lol ) , and guys aren't attracted to me soo ....
anyway .. i really don't have anyone to talk to and xill be very happy to here from anybody in here ... :)
SEE yaa !!

im close to your age and ive never had a girlfriend, probably cuz im asian and i dont dig white chicks, but if ur white, hell u have a better chance than me

No i think u should be more active and less shy,say what you think and go hang out more and dont be scared of ur body.even if u r fat go on a diet r something,but remember ur future bf should love u 4 who u r .
dont be so desperate and stop feeling sorry 4 urself.
xxxx

In this realistic world we are living in, many people judge others by appearance. So I'd say, appearance do matter...not only to others, but to yourself too.

So, motivate yourself to lose weight! Exercise! This is not something impossible to achieve as long as you have the right attitude and the unwavering determination to do so! Exercise brings even more benefits than just slimming you down to your desired figure. It is also healthy and can definitely boost up your confidence to be the one approaching a guy (:

Don't worry, you are still young! There are still many opportunities for you. Do not give up and believe that you can do it.
Ignore your friends unhelpful "advices", and i wish you all the best in finding the right guy!

i could understand not having a boyfriend because i know a lot of girls in the same boat. but never having physical contact like kissing/touching etc seems odd. there are many men who love bigger girls and some who dont care at all what girls look like. maybe the guys you hang around are just lame? ever tried putting yourself out there? in the club seen. asking guys out. what harm can it do? rejection doesn't hurt if you've never been acepted as you claim.
in any case, you can't get an STD. which is a plus.

cheers!