I'm afraid that i might hurt myself or someone else.

29% Normal
8 Comments

I have had homicidal and suicidal thoughts and urges since I was nine. They would get so bad sometimes that I would break down and lock myself in my room for days. My mother never knew what was going on, I would just tell her that I was sick on school days. She sent me to school once when I was having one of my "bad days" and I blacked out and attacked my friend Ian for no reason, I still can't remember what happened.

I am now 21 and still have these thoughts and urges but, I seem to be desensitizing to them. I still have blackouts although I can't remember what I do during them I'm pretty sure I've never harmed anyone, besides Ian that one time.

I have self harmed in the past(concussion, fractured ribs, cutting) it helped suppress what I was feeling and gave me some relief but I'm tired of hurting myself.

So, I was wondering if anyone here has experienced something similar to what I'm going through because I could really do with some advice right now. I do not want to get counseling because I can't be institutionalized, I have to be around for my family because my brother needs me.

Also if anyone thinks they know what is wrong with me, it would be nice if you shared.

Voting Results
29% Normal
Based on 48 votes (14 yes)
Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 8 )
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    It's very hard to be institutionalized. I've done some pretty crazy shit and they don't even pay enough attention to me to keep my appointments scheduled correctly.

    You have to be serious high risk dangerous patient to go to the loony bin, at least where I live.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • mountain-man82
    9 years ago

    Just see a therapist. You dont have to be instatutionalized. They can prescribe you meds and give you far more help and better advice than we can ever provide.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    2
    2
  • NotHumanAtAll
    9 years ago

    How did you fracture your ribs on purpose?

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    Who is Ian?!!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
      -
    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      My friend.

      Comment Hidden ( show )
      0
      0
  • molk
    9 years ago

    i'm a teen and i have suicidal thoughts and urges from a reallyyy young age that i can't remember .when someone makes me angry these thoughts comes to my mind . i think of torturing him or doing anything really bad to this person . i never think of hurting my safe but i can in any moment of anger kill someone even my mom , i sometimes have the thought of killing everybody around, keep staring at them and really feel good about it . but in real life i freak out when i see blood .but i feel like i can go for it anytime
    i really need help

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • mlbryan44
    9 years ago

    If you are strong enough to have these thoughts you are also strong enough to repress or control them. Get a grip. You do not want to be institutionalized, believe me!

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • wistfulmaiden
    9 years ago

    Not normal,you probably have some undiagnosed mental disorder. Schizophrenia and bipolar can cause violent thoughts. But yes there are a lot of treatments you can get like meds and therapy. The fact you know this is isn't normal means youre not crazy, hope you get some help. Locking yourself away is no way to live and neither is being afraid of yourself.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0