I'm concerned about my dad's mental health when i move out

7 Comments

I just really need help here. I'm a young adult and my sister and I still live with our father. A while ago, my mother abruptly left us and two of my siblings moved out. As time apart from the rest of the family went on, it became apparent that my father does not want us to leave, ever.

He dreams of a life where we all live together and my sister and I bring our spouses if we marry. That isn't what I want. What I'm afraid of, however, is what he'll do when we move out.

After my mom left, we couldn't afford to live in our home because she stole thousands of dollars. Because of that, we lived with my eldest sister for a year. During that time, my dad attempted suicide.

He has been going to counseling and taking medication since, but he has hinted of trying again after we leave. I don't want the death of my father to be caused by my actions, but I don't want to stay here forever. I initially planned to move out by the time I'm out of college.

What do I do?

Feeling Suicidal?
We couldn't help but notice that you might be asking about things related to suicide...
If that's not the case, please ignore this message.
But, if that is the case, please, please, please call this hotline and talk to someone about it. Or, visit one of these websites and get some help.
Unfortunately IIN isn't the best place for you to be asking about this. Check out the above websites or call one of the hotlines instead. They can help. Really. We know what we're talking about. Call. Do it. Please.
Remember that everything gets better with time.
Help us keep this site organized and clean. Thanks!
[ Report Post ]
Comments ( 7 )
  • Justsomeonewhoisbored
    3 years ago

    I hate to say it like this but you can't let you're dad hold you back if you are that concerned daily videocalls or text chats go a long way. You can't let you're dad stop you from living you're life. I'm not saying you shouldnt care but giving up you're life and the potential of an education just because you're dad asked you to saty is not a good idea.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    3
    3
  • Kool_owl
    3 years ago

    What you need to do is do what you want to do and if that means moving out then do it .
    You can't stop living you're dreams because you are afraid of what you're father dose or dose not do .

    It's a very selfish act to hold you're child or anyone back because you don't want to be alone .
    He's getting the help he needs .
    So for him to say he will kill himself if anyone leaves him is an act of controlling others .
    And it sounds like it's working .

    But don't let it happen you will live with regrets and the what if .

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • my_life_my_way
    3 years ago

    It’s not your responsibility to babysit a grown man, just move out and whatever he does is on him.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • [Old Memory]
    3 years ago

    Maybe you could help him find a friend or something? Show him dating sites for people his age, places he could go to hang out. Enjoy their company with him, make him see everyone as part of the family. That might make it easier for him to accept you and your sister moving out

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    1
    1
  • bigbudchonga
    3 years ago

    This is such a grim situation to be in. It sounds like his worlds crumbled and you guys are all he's got left. Maybe if you helped build him back up again he would be alright.

    He's your dad and he raised you, now's your time to step up and do what's right. I don't think living with him forever is really a long-term solution if you don't want it, but this is one of those things where you can do your filial duty and put in a lot of effort to rebuild him and help him through this period, or say fuck it he's not going to hold be back and just leave him to rot.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • paramore93
    3 years ago

    What you can do is help him create a solid daily routine. Routine keeps things level for me. Could you arrange a weekly/monthly visit? Like others have said, calls and even letters could help him feel less alone.
    Your life and wellbeing is important too.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0
  • Mehereok1
    3 years ago

    He has abandonment issues, and is trying to control you with them. If he were a good dad, he'd want you to spread your wings and succeed, see the world, experience good and bad, make him proud. I've experienced the same with a woman I dated and did very well with, fell in love. She moved back with her mom after having health issues, and now, it's the other way around. Instead of mom taking care of her, she takes care of mom. Mom is ok, but, does say and do things to keep her there and make her feel guilty about even having a night out with me.

    We'd talked about the next step, her moving into my house (or, even us getting our own place that wasn't mine or hers; Ours), and the first thing she said was "My mom would lose it and go off on me about leaving her". In other words, guilt trip her into staying and not having her own life with me. I still associate and help her, but, we're not a couple in that sense anymore, b/c I know, mean as it sounds..Mom is in the way. She and I could have a great life together if mom would let go even a little and stop the guilt trips for the woman having her own life.

    Comment Hidden ( show )
    0
    0