I'm so confused about my faith?

You've pretty much hit on the whole principle of the Catholic church; guilt! Guilt is like a rocking horse; lots of action but you don't get anywhere.
Nobody is perfect so they instill this guilt thing as a control mechanism and ruin the lives of most of the faithful. It's all out dated and unrealistic in this day and age.
Live your life by a set of rules that make sense to you and forget all that bullshit the hypocrites at your church fed you. I sincerely wish you luck ridding yourself of the brainwashing you have been given.

Rehabilitating yourself from the Catholic experience is not easy, but many of us have done it. The guilt dynamic that is centered around Penance (confession) makes more sense when you remember that most priests masturbate while listening to the sinners "dirty" experiences.

God created you as a sexual person. Celebrate it by masturbating. Follow logic, science and philosophy.

First off do you even know what a Satanist is?

There are basically two types:

The Satanist who is really an Atheist and is using Satan as a symbol for free will

Then there is the Satanist who actually worships Satan.

Which is it?

Anyways I'm not sure what type of nonsense your church told you but God loves all his children regardless of how they may be (if there is a God).

You should probably cut back on the porn and try to write something else that is not smut.

Writing smut, no matter how vulgar is a celebration of sexuality.

The reason for all this porn and smut writing is a sign from above telling you to explore your sexuality.

Listen, writing does not come from man but from God. Inspiration is holy. And if for some reason that inspiration is causing you to write smut even though you don't want to then it means, God through you is writing out what you must do.

You may think the inspiration comes from Satan which is ridiculous but what would you rather believe?

That God is telling you to explore your sexuality and Satan is making you feel bad.

Or Satan is telling you to explore your sexuality and God is making you feel bad?

For your violent urges you can always join the police which will hopefully tame you.

The Indian Spiritual Text Kama Sutra may help too.

You are not a Christian.

This probably isn't the best community to ask about Christian lifestyle as you can see..

Lol. I find it interesting how there seems to only be two options...Christian or satanist...How about neither?

Tell you what, drop the religious BS altogether. Follow Science instead. Science may not be a religion but it sure as hell has all the answers you need. If your answer is not out there you yourself can be the one to find it if you study hard enough and follow protocol. Knowledge is really the only way, its the only answer you need.

As for your vulgar tendencies. It's human nature, to deny that you have them like a Christian would, is unhealthy, but to act openly and out of control, well lets just see how much your conscience can really take yes? There is no god in the sky to judge you for your actions, just you and anyone else exposed to what you do. I simply ask that you really consider, can you live with yourself? If you can then you're a decent human being, if not then you need to change. A simple yet effective moral system.

And honestly I feel like the whole porn thing and sex now is getting way too much these days. There are so many other things in life....

woah, you should probabably cut back on the porn thing. It'll be hard later on if it gets to much in your imagination, won't be too healthy. Everyone will naturally think about sex, especially when they get older. I guess it's just becomes less of a mystery when you get in a relationship. Like angelina Jolie had sex at a young age like sixteen or something. And I experinced mine already. But before you do that, you just keep thinking about it and wondering what it is and what it feels like. And it's just too unhealthy to focus so much on it. I mean there are so many other things in life like books to read, Janine out with friends. Stuff like that. Good luck with whatever your doing now.....

Your faith isn't determined by you behavior. Your behavior can ONLY be changes through your faith. So decide what you believe in. Visit a satanist church visit a Catholic Church , visit a Seventh Day Adventists church. Listen to ALL sides open mindedly. Make a decision and stick with it. You won't looker all your old habits over night but be OPEN about them and talk to the people of your church. If you don't like how they respond to you, pick another church. I know if I told my church the things you wrote they would be so cool about it. They would love you the same. Eventually you would be so church involved, you wouldn't have the time to watch porn( we're all really close) church isn't a lecture hall, it's a family ...

Being a Christian doesnt mean you are perfect, we are human we secretly all like porn. You just wont go and rape a child somewhere right? But its fine keep doing what your doing... Your m following your instincts that GOD gave you!!

Just don't be a Satanist.

I don't know if you by "being a Christian" mean having a certain set of beliefs or adhering to a set of rules for how to act. I usually understand Christianity as a set of beliefs.

What you should believe is up to you.

As for your actions, it's normal to have an interest in erotic or pornographic things. Being able to have such interests is part of being a human being.

If you dislike your own actions, then try to change them, whether you are Christian or not.

sounds like your a normal horny young person everybody looks at porn at least once i dont care who you are.... just sayin i wouldnt mind reading some of this "smut with plot" it sounds like your just creative maybe you got a talent there good money in the erotic novel bussiness and as for you dark thoughts i wouldnt worry everybody thinks that way some timesl you also have the rest of your live to go back to religion and get cool with god again and just because it was the way you were raised doesnt mean it was the wzy you were ment to be what ever makes you happy is whats imporant! you know what im saying?

Right because if you choose to believe in Christian mythology, clearly the safest way to go if it happened to be true, would be to secure your place in hell.

Believe whatever you want to believe. Your lifestyle has nothing to do with your beliefs.

You might not be able to call yourself Catholic or Christian, but there's no reason why you couldn't start a religion based on your own lifestyle choices.

Do you believe there's a god? Does "He" exist? Do you believe there's multiple gods? Sheeva? Allah?
That's all you need to ask yourself, really.
Your lifestyle is separate from your beliefs.
Don't follow a religion, follow your own mind.