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I grew up around and was abused by people who kept cheating all the time and I can't stop reading about cheating fictional stories and real and I was wondering is this normal and how do I get over this its ruining my life and destroying my nice view of women, i now think think all women if i got together with them will cheat on me and hate me, so please help.
You're normal. Id say a lot of people have cheated (not all physical, but almost 100% if we're talking about emotional infidelity!!!) You know your cure? ACCEPTANCE & FACING THE REALITY OF NATURE. It's brought me more peace than anything else. Flat-out cheating is wrong, but it's natural for EVERYONE to at least feel some attraction outside of the relationship. You know what REALLY helps? I was tempted to cheat, but then I realized this, "he's not the only attractive male in the world, but keeping 1 of him is worth more than ALL of them." :) Tell each other that. Then temptation left. Find someone who thinks ur worth giving up the rest! Otherwise, OPEN RELATIONSHIP. Those are ur most realistic options, hun.
I think it's normal for you to feel the way you do if your parents cheated on each other. I'm sorry you had to be around that as a child growing up, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart! I think it's not uncommon for people to attract and or be attracted to others who remind them of their family dysfunction, because that's what's familiar.
I hope you don't mind my saying so, but I highly recommend that you speak to a therapist and or checkout a 12 step program like Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families and or Codependents Anonymous. I think it's important for you to work through these issues, learn how to set healthy boundaries, learn how to spot red flags so you know who are and who not safe people for you to date, and be friends with. Sometimes we grow up addicted to drama, because it's all we know so when we experience healthy relationships they seem boring or unnatural. Peace and serenity can be scary for us as counterintuitive as that may seem, because it's unfamiliar and we don't know what to do when we experience it. There's a good chance that when you meet "nice girls" you might not notice them, because they seem boring or strange compared to what you're used to experiencing in your life from an early age. Hang in there, brother.
http://www.adultchildren.org/
http://coda.org/
http://www.cosa-recovery.org/
P.S. There's also the possibility that one or both of your parents may have been sex addicts so I included a link to CoSex Addicts Anonymous as well. Additionally if you've been cheated on by women in the past they were most likely sex addicts. It's not your fault, there's no good excuse for cheating.
Most people will cheat at least once. Many of them will regret it and quit doing it without ever being caught.
To err is human. To forgive is divine.
All of us will need others to forgive us for something. If we expect to be forgiven then we have to be forgiving!
Take a chance. Be the best person you can be to your partner. That will minimize the risk of cheating, and love your partner enough that you can forgive if it ever becomes necessary.
I didn't say everybody cheats, I said most. That means more than 50%. I didn't say all the time. I said some of them only once. People who love their spouse still cheat sometimes because they love themselves more at that point in time. Love is something that grows over time as you get to know your partner more and bond with each other more. That's why some people who have cheated in the past have mended their ways and quit cheating.
Talk to a therapist. Sometimes a strangers advice is all you need. Not from the IIN community though. These people will think burning a church down is okay. I'm playing. I'm one of you.
Well, one way fixing a problem is realizing there is one. The next step is to do something about it. The only one who can convince you anything different is yourself. I Know it isn't easy, every time a woman gets interested in me and I show interest back, and when they like me more and seem to be moving too fast, it scares me. Sure I know not all women are the same, but I been cheated on too. And my fear is that even though not all women are the same, what if this one is the same as the ones who came before? Basically I base any other woman who have similar personalities, and what they like, how fast they are, and if they have enough in common it scares me. Now I have been talked to before but it never sticks, we have to fix this ourselves, when I think I am over it I get overwhelmed again then want to push them away. And every time I do that it feels like it rips away my humanity little by little, each time. I Don't know how I allowed myself to get like this, but it happened, it takes more than hope or wanting, it takes doing, and damn the outcome. Because until we can get over this problem, we will be forever single.