I need sincere advice - i am jealous of married people.

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15 Comments

Hello everyone, I am a 20 year young woman and I am a undergraduate student at a university. I am extremely confused about my view on marriage. Ever since I moved down here from Massachusetts to North Carolina, I noticed a huge cultural difference - almost EVERYONE is married! and they get married so young! I am so confused, because now I want what they have too. And I feel this about other things too - when the majority of a group does something, or has something (you know, like a fad, clothing, whats cool, etc), I feel the pressure to fit in and I think "oh! if I have what they have, THEN I'll be happy!) But I feel I am WAAAAY too young to even think about marriage! I am still a student! I don't even know what I want to be yet (job-wise)! I can't even decide on a major - how am I going to be able to handle a marriage???

I am a Christian as well, so I feel pressure with that too. I choose not to have sex until marriage ( I feel good making this decision and I really dont need to be pregnant right now either) But I feel so teased with many young girls around me who are married, and it seems like they have something to fall back on, and someone to hold them at night, and they can have sex and not feel guilty or feel immoral. I wish I didn't feel this way. And I don't know why, I don't even WANT to get married right now. But I feel bad that I don't have someone like a husband. It's so confusing. I wish I could just stop looking at what others have and enjoy being single and loving life as a young, growing adult!

I want to be confident without being married or having a guy. As a Christian, I should only need God to satisfy me and make me happy. But the world pulls me the other direction. I have faith that one day I will get married to an amazing, beautiful man and I'll have a family and children, but I feel now is not the time at all. But I still feel jealous of married people. Can anyone help me out with encouraging, inspiring words?

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Comments ( 15 )
  • [Old Memory]
    14 years ago

    Your Christianity is confusing. So what if other people are married and you are not/do not yet want to be? They are where they are, and you are where you are. I don't get what you are upset about one bit. Just relax.

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    • claire287
      14 years ago

      Are you a Christian? Are you married? I feel a lot of hostility in your response. Your response didn't really help at all. What do you mean just relax? You are telling me that you never get jealous? Your advice doesnt help at all.

      I hope you are not a Christian. You show no love or empathy in your response. And that's a problem.

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      • [Old Memory]
        14 years ago

        I don't think I am the source of hostility. I think perhaps it is you. That is quite a snippy reply.

        Relax is pretty good advice actually. Relax, as in, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't covet. Be yourself & enjoy your age and stage of life.

        My faith & marital status has no bearing on your post.

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  • PandaBitch
    9 years ago

    If u feel jealous then have a relationship , problem solved !
    All u need is to hold not to have sex .. that's all
    Btw, u just feel lonely that's why u r jealous

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  • BluntsRolled
    11 years ago

    So what other people are married? That don't mean there lives are like fairy tales and there marriage is perfectly solid consisting of no faults what so ever.

    Besides divorce rates are like 50%. Marriage is not the way anymore it basically means nothing, its not special these days, besides verity is the spice of life, any body you get married to, and your living with you will EVENTUALLY get tired of his/her ass.

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  • misschelseaxo
    12 years ago

    I'm from the south, 20 & married. I too felt alot of pressure to get married as soon as graduated from high school. But I waited until my husband got a solid job so that I could focus on school to be married. You are also right to notice everyone around you is married I can't think of a girl I graduated with who isn't.

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  • jessmartian
    13 years ago

    Astralvision. I think very similarly. Good to know there are people like me out there.

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  • jessmartian
    13 years ago

    Where do you go? I'm going to UNCG in the fall.
    But yeah idk. I know what you mean about everyone down here being married. But it's actually made me NOT want to get married lol. I've changed a lot moving here from the north.

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  • crazyman143
    14 years ago

    Well as far as I can tell... you pretty much answered you own question in that last paragraph. If you're a christian, then maybe the question is how strong is your faith? do you really belive that God has a plan for you, and that he knows what he's doing?

    Being satisfied with what you have is easier said than done, but remember that God can do all things. You should probably spend some time in prayer, and ask God to strengthen your faith, and teach to you to rely on Him rather than your own feelings.

    If you rush into things.. especially marriage, you'll make your life a lot harder than it's mean't to be. Marriage is great, but it's certainly not as easy as it looks. It takes a lot of work. Honestly, I think getting married too young is just what some christians do as the alternative to falling into sexual sin, but it's not really a good answer either. I admire than you want to abstain from sex until you are married, as a Christian, this is what you are called to do. But prepare yourself, because it's going to get a LOT harder to do in college. I know christians who live with regret now, because they didn't hold out until they were married. This is all the more reason to keep your faith in God.

    Being a young christian college guy myself, I can tell you you're not alone.

    hope that helps

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  • BombTheMall
    14 years ago

    I'll marry you

    This isn't a help line.

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  • JohnPeter
    14 years ago

    My spelling, "their" & "world", sorry from the GB

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  • JohnPeter
    14 years ago

    Darling your 20, switch the brain off and enjoy your age, if a fella comes along and he's the one then join the club, otherwise let the sheep eat there grass and you enjoy the worls that god gave you, al.

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  • slm89
    14 years ago

    Okay here is what I think...
    First off, its okay if you dont want to get married right now. Im also twenty years old, I have been dating my bf for almost five years now and I am still not ready to get married. Im sure that no one is looking at you like you are the odd one out because you are not married. & I am also sure that not EVERYONE is married. It may seem that way but it may just be a coincidence.
    I really cant comment on the sex before marriage thing and you being christian, because I do not study any religion. I do believe in God though, I just choose to keep an open mind and not label myself with one religion.

    Plus its not that easy to just get married. You have to meet someone first that you think would be the one for you (which is HARD). It takes time to get to know someone and figure out their real self. My point is... you dont need to get married to fit in.. and if you do get married when your not ready it may make you more unhappy then you already are.

    Hope this helps.

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  • BombTheMall
    14 years ago

    Wait. No i won't marry you.
    You are a Christian. I could never love anyone who is foolish enough believes in fairy tails.

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    • BombTheMall
      14 years ago

      Grammar.

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