I need to get laid in the next year or i become a 40yo virgin

I don't think anyone deserves to be at this point in their life without any or very little sexual experience. But here I am. 38, about to hit 39 in January, and so begins the clock, the clock that's been ticking away for years now...

A year can fly by so fast, and so little can happen, and I am dreading the worst that this may actually come true, and I will have to live with the reality, let alone whatever stigma I may have. I will become a laughingstock joke of a person. It will probably be the worst birthday ever, for me to hit 40 and never have gotten my rocks off. It's fucking pathetic. Maybe I'm not pathetic, or maybe I am, I don't know.

Online dating is fucking pathetic. Hookup apps, ones meant for dating, fucking stupid and a joke. Nobody messages or messages back, or shit just falls through.

I'm gay. It's harder in our culture, but also notoriously sleazy and slutty for some as well, but that's not representative of all gay men. But the superficiality is there, the judgment, and we all do it to some extent, myself included.

I've never really been into the bars, and part of that is because of some of the types of guys that go there, I have no interest in drama queens or toxic people. I just want to chill and get to know a guy, and go from there. Plus now there is only like two gay bars in my area. I drive by every other week for some pointless reason. I've been there before.

I know I could go in, and maybe I would talk to a guy. Maybe it would lead to something, even if it was a one night stand. Or maybe more. But the worst, the thing that keeps me from going inside now, is that nothing happens. Because I've been in a gay bar before and nothing happened. Didn't talk to anyone, nobody approached me, and I didn't see anyone available to clearly make a move on or approach myself.
It's like my last hope, my last possibly stronghold for faith, to just getting this over with. Because I really don't want this to be a burden over my head, and it already is.
And if I lose my virginity next year when I'm 39, maybe one year or two years doesn't make a damn difference in some metaphyiscal or philosophical way. But it's just fucking pathetic. It's pathetic because when that movie came out, there's no way in hell I could have ever imagined I would be approaching, let alone possibly be, a 40 year old virgin, such as Steve Carrell's character.

Like what the fuck is the point, life? Why would you want this for me to experience? Why me? The fuck?
Fuck you universe. If there is such a god damn thing as a fucking god or spirit or universe, I've been wanting to find companionship, love, a boyfriend, sex, sex, sex, since I was a fucking teenager. When I SHOULD have lost my virginity. When I should have kissed and been felt up by a guy for the first time.

For the record: Embarassing as this is, my first experience was letting this guy rim my hole and I was 28. I wasn't into him, but I let it happen. We mutually jerked off. No penetration.
Then a year later, I made out with a guy, wasn't into it at all, and I let him blow me. Took a while, but he got there. I was grateful, but I really wanted to fuck and he wasn't my type at all. I just wanted it to happen.
A year later, I sucked my first cock and it was alright. Dude has some varivose vein issue with his balls so I couldn't even play with them, damn. At least his cum tasted decent.

Oh, I know I'm being TMI and I don't give a flying fuck. I'm starting to just not care. I've become some sort of fucking INCEL but I'm not a woman-hater and I don't hate men, though I have developed a good amount of jealousy and envy for going without this shit for so long.

Think about it, at any minute around the world, how many people are having sex at any giving time, I wonder. How many people that is, that aren't me.

This shit makes me have some pretty dark thoughts, as well. It matters that much to me.

I'm not going to hookup with a prostitute.

So what are my options?

Go into the gay bar and start throwing myself at whoever I can? Week after week after week after week until I actually succeed?
Trust me, I message as many people as I can on the dating apps. I could start messaging the ugly ones, the old farts and weirdos, but I dunno, should I be that desperate? NOPE, because it won't be worth it if I'm not into him!

So that leaves what? Just accepting fate? That there is a certain probability I'm GOING to beocme a 40 fucking year old virgin.