I only have feelings for people in my head

The last time I was in love was my ex 7 years ago I fell in love again and again and as soon as i'm with them the feelings go I cant stand them everything they say annoys me if they touch me I cringe but when i'm alone I fantasize about them I miss them. I am asexual im on the autism spectrum and I dont know if this contributes. I have never wanted to accept my asexuality or understood it and when I started dating my ex we were still young that "not feeling ready" wasnt a huge deal but eventually he realized he was never going to get sex from me and I guess thats when we broke up but to this day we are on good terms and he was my best friend I love him so no one can compete even though we were toxic as two distant people with unstable mood swings lol. It was my dream relationship because we didnt like anyone except each other and that is my dream as the dark introvert I am but any guy i've met after him who's been introverted loners has been very dorky losers no offence. My ex is the type who doesnt rely on anyone so its just me comparing to all those sissy boys nowadays you know the ones and I just dont accept them... 🙄 #based
I have been confused over my asexuality but it's how it is but if I fall in love again if im able to im going to lose my virginity because thats what you have to do even though I dont want to have sex with a man but hopefully its not too bad its like a compromise if I really love someone. I cant compromise if I dont love someone thats the only problem and I cant stand anyone since several years back and only like them in my imagination which I dont know why but its only when I think about them in my vivid imagination and the way I see them based on the qualities they posess which I admire or favour but when im with them I feel like I am wasting my time god what a drag it feels like and thats not how it was with my first bf in HS or with my ex so I was able to love someone romantically when I was with them many years ago