I really, want to kill something
I want to kill animals. I want to kill my dog, my cat, and my lizard at different times so badly I have to walk away from them simply to control myself. I'm actually afraid to hold the lizard because I worry that I will give in to the urges and break the stupid thing in half. I want to kill the animals not only because they're annoying and I know my family isn't going to get rid of them soon, and they mess every single one of my things up and I hate them all so much. I also want to do it, simply to do it. Just to know what's it's like to kill another creature to feel the blood on my hands to feel the life of the animal just being taken right in front of me, and know that I am the one causing it, that it would still be alive if it weren't for me, and that power of another creature makes the urge so strong it's almost unbearable to resist. The only reason I don't is because if I do my family will send me to a mental institution and never trust me again, and I will not go into one of those. But every time I see them I think about it. I feel like I could kill the lizard though, they might not send me away for that if I make it look like it wasn't me, but it won't be the same. I know it's not normal, but is there something wrong with me, what should I do?