I think i’m autistic but i don’t want a diagnosis

As the title says, I think I might be autistic but I don’t want the diagnosis or any of the special help/accommodations that would come along with it.

I think I may be autistic because I have a lot of the listed symptoms and I have done online self assessments which all say I show autism symptoms. For example, I’ve always been painfully shy and borderline inept in social situations, I’ve always had trouble gauging how I’m coming across and things such as my tone of voice and facial expressions, I dislike people touching or hugging me unless I know them very well and I never initiate things like that and there are certain textures that particularly bother me (although I don’t freak out or have a meltdown, I just don’t like them) and as a child I would have weird little habits such as whispering the last word of sentences people said to me.

However, I don’t want a diagnosis or any additional support as my life is really going quite well. I’m 18 now and a few weeks ago I found out I got into Oxford university, my A levels are going extremely well, I have things I am passionate about, such as learning languages (I’ve taught myself french and Italian and am currently learning Greek) and although I don’t have friends at the minute, I’m hoping I will be able to make some at university.

I’m not one of those teenagers who goes around self diagnosing so I suppose I will never know if I’m on the spectrum or not but if I am, I still think I am completely capable of living a normal life, excelling in my studies, getting a good job and hopefully having strong relationships. Whilst my relationships with others are quite difficult, I feel that an alienating diagnosis or “disability” would only serve to make things harder. I also have a great relationship with my family, particularly my sister who is like my best friend.

I have also heard that autism often presents differently in women, with it being less frequently picked up on and we are often better at “masking” or trying to behave “normal” in social situations, which is really what I’d like to do; just push ahead with socialising in a “normal” manner, even if it initially makes me very uncomfortable.

So I guess I don’t really know why I’m posting here, I found this site by chance and I guess I’m really just looking for advice, though I don’t particularly know what on.