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My ex did it and it was destroying me. Constantly having to worry about her doing it, the scars, etc.
And it just seems so pointless. Why not get up, do something proactive and positive? It pains me to think so many people are doing it today, and how it's endorsed by things like tumblr.
You know what's stupid? - sharing your opinion about something you don't understand. Mental illness isn't supposed to be "positive" or easy or to make any sense to you. In order to hurt yourself, you have to be in such deep pain and anguish that you HAVE to channel your frustrations. Most men channel their frustration outwardly (into objects or other people) but women (like your ex-girlfriend) channel it inwardly, and will self-destruct.
People who self harm have a lot of self-hatred, anger, hopelessness, and nervous energy. These are the ingredients for self harm. For the sufferer, the pain is relief. It's all backward. Doing something like this snaps them out of the world of pain and anxiety within their heads and into the pain of bodily reality, which is easier to deal with. The ability to control when the pain starts and stops accomplishes two goals. Firstly, it allows the sufferer to feel he/she has adequately punished him/herself. Secondly, it allows the sufferer to feel as though he/she is the one who is able to stop the hurting and fix it (calling for help/dressing a wound). This control is desperately needed and so is the rush of endorphins and adrenaline to stabilize mood.
Yes, it would suck to have to be worried about a cutter constantly, but what your ex needed desperately was sympathy and understanding. She probably felt very trapped and frustrated to the point of insanity. She might been screaming and bawling behind closed doors from the sheer mental anguist, and when she couldn't take anymore she had to take it out on her body. I hope, for her sake, she's gotten some desperately needed help.
Concerning the people on the internet who have glamorized self harm long before tumblr even existed (it was huge in 2004-7 when everybody wanted to be emo/scene), I agree with you. These people are desperate too, but not to be understood because of their pain and suffering, but for attention. This is immaturity and naivety, plain and simple. If you're dumb enough to hurt yourself to fit in, God help you.
:'( You're right. I couldn't vocalize why I used to hurt myself but you summed it up perfectly. I was in anguish and I felt the need to punish myself.... It was truly a nightmare. You are 100% correct about all of that.
I know someone close to me who cut and hurt himself in other ways. He showed me the scars. He'd break plates or windows and use the shards to cut himself. He drove nails into himself. He broke everything in his room a few times. He'd hit his head against the wall until he'd pass out. He told me his screaming woke the neighbours a few times. He even used to give himself splinters and papercuts on purpose.
Hearing about it was terrifying for me, but it really opened my eyes. I was very depressed around age 15, and it showed me how bad it could really get, and I'm glad I now understand it all better. Gladly, he's doing a lot better now, but a lot of the damage is done. I don't think his family speaks to him. I wish him only happiness, and you as well. :(
Understanding why and showing compassion towards people who hurt themselves doesn't make self-harm any less stupid. I'm not saying that these people should be mocked or branded as stupid, but even if they need a cathartic release, harming themselves isn't the right way and it is a stupid way of release. And yes, I have done self harm as a teenager and still occasionally to this day when under extreme stress, too. It's not the right way, but as you said, it's understandable.
I agree, if your going to fuck yourself up do it with drugs and alcohol.
Overall it is stupid. People have their reasons and you can sympathize with people doing it but that doesn't change that it's stupid.
Sometimes people do it just to get attention. Let's be honest, those people exist and you shouldn't give them sympathy nor attention due to it because that will just lead them to doing it more because you're giving them the attention they cut themselves for. I noticed this in one of my highschools and they done it purely because they thought it was cool and trendy, as they basically explained. Morons.
Some people do it because they're depressed and/or sad. Put it simply, they should be given support.
Some people do it purely as reactionary. Kind of like "My boyfriend/girlfriend left me. Wah, my two week relationship ended. I'm gonna cut myself. :'("
Some people also do it because they want to feel something. This can kind of go in to the depression reasons too but not everybody does it because they're sad or for attention.
Overall, if someone's doing it and they're hiding it, then definitely help them if you can. If they're basically shoving it in your face and trying to be cool, it might possibly be them looking for help but it could also most likely be attention seeking.
Not every cutter does it because they're sad.
No, not every cutter does it because they're sad, but saying self harm is "stupid" is disrespectful and unsympathetic toward the people with mental illness who cut because they're fraught with the kind of bleak turmoil that you'd need to experience, either personally or vicariously (God forbid you ever do), in order to be able to fully understand. Please try to empathize, it'll do you good.
I will forever have scars on my upper left arm and leg that I'll forever be ashamed of during a deep seated bout of depression and addiction, started as a coping mechanism, can't quite explain why and ended up being addictive in some nightmare never ending circle, to call anyone in that circle stupid is completely misunderstanding their situation and i have the utmost sympathy for anyone in it as i know how it feels, so please bear that in mind when I say this
The people duz mentioned are out there, they are stupid and they piss me off, I knew two in my life one on high school one in college, both of them, got a pin or something tiny like a paper clip and scratched the tinyest amount once or twice just enough for it to break the skin and start to bleed then they both went round telling everyone and showing them for attention, not even in a " I'm so sad I need help way " but in a more look at me guys I'm so edgy and moody kind of way, they were proud of it, if that's not stupid I don't know what is,
Especially as in college I was struggling at the the time and failing to ask for help while she got all the help becuase she wanted to be seen as a cutter
I didn't take issue with Duz mentioning the people who do it for attention or to "feel something", but I do take issue with the fact he said the whole self-harm concept is "stupid overall". Agreeing with the tragically misguided and insensitive OP isn't helping anyone. It's almost like saying openly struggling with ones sexuality or reporting physical abuse is "stupid overall", because it's only done for "attention". I get where Duz was coming from, though. I just don't like the bias people have against struggles that come from within rather than outside the mind. They're just as beyond ones control as any other struggle. Though, I'm sure he is aware of that.
That's like saying that someone with a mental illness that goes off and kills people due to his psychotic mind shouldn't be told what they do is bad or stupid because of the unfortunate reasons of which they done it; their psychotic mind.
Just because it is sometimes brought about by mental issues does not change that it's a stupid thing to do, it is a stupid thing to do, hence why I said it's understandable to sympathize with them and help them when they need it because they're being driven to do a stupid thing.
Just because something is stupid doesn't mean that doing those stupid things isn't a serious matter. Trying to pass it off as if inflicting harm to yourself is not a stupid thing is iffy. Ofcourse if you're a therapist or a family member trying to get someone to stop you don't just tell them it's stupid to do because you have to filter what you say so that you can help them but at its core, it's a stupid thing to do that needs serious attention.
I used to be a cutter and have cut on and off. My whole left arm is covered in cuts, burns, and cigarette burns. I know what it's like to cut and I know some of the reasons why people cut through my own experience doing so.
I understand that your response comes from a good place and you want to help people on this topic, and it's appreciated, I won't knock you for that. However sometimes we have to accept that bad things that happen can also be stupid to do regardless of the unfortunate events, mentalities, and so on that may lead to it.
I agree with a lot of what you said, but, like I told Carrot, I took issue with the word 'stupid'. "Stupid," to me, can suggest frivolousness or triviality. I know you meant more that it's a shame/sad/unfortunate/irresponsible, but you came off, to me, more like you were agreeing with the OP in his kind of victim-blaming stance. I respect your opinion, but not his, and I didn't want your good reputation giving his views any more clout than they deserve.
I just think there's a happy medium between using language that sounds outright critical and punishing and using language that seems to excuse or enable the sufferer. I think most cutters are already aware of the grave and serious nature of their behaviour and its "stupidity." Taking in to account the fact that you yourself have gone through this, I want to tell you I think you have the right to feel as strongly as you do.
Alright, I getcha. Just a misunderstanding. I should of elaborated more in my initial comment to avoid confusion. :P
I do have to work on how I come across given text can't really show tone of voice all that well aswell. I'll try work on that. It's why I've taken up emoticons. Aha.
Thanks for the response. :)
Yeah I pretty much almost killed myself at one point. I didn't want to live anymore.
it's not stupid, and that's pretty insensitive of you to say. mental illness isn't a choice or a trend, and people self-harm for all sorts of reasons, but not for attention. it just helps people cope with self-loathing/depression/internal turmoil/etc., and it doesn't have to make sense to you, it just makes sense to them. people may feel like they need to be punished, for example, and this is how they punish themselves; people may hate their bodies and take it out on them; that kinda thing. posting things like you did can cause people to harm themselves more, because sometimes people, through no fault of their own, take things personally; I know I do. there's too much to explain here but, yeah, what you're thinking is pretty mean, so I voted it as "not normal".
Guys, self harmers self harm for a reason. Not for fucking attention. Im one month clean, and I wanna be like 1-2 yrs clean. So plz guys. Have something nice to say, or dont say nun at all. I mean yah state your opinion, but dunt be rude about it. People can take it personally.
I agree the act is stupid but a lot of self cutters are too smart and feel too much. I used to cut my legs with razors as a teen. I still don't really know why...
I'll admit, it probably wasn't the smartest thing for me to do. Nobody knew that I cut myself until a deep cut on my leg became so badly infected that I could hardly walk without a visible limp. That's when I finally got help. I didn't want people to know that I was depressed and suicidal; that I eroded my esophagus attempting suicide by drinking Clorox (stopping halfway through for obvious reasons). Depressed, suicidal teenagers are such a cliche and I didn't want people to think that I was a part of it. Depression is weakness and self-pity. That was my mindset at the time.
I never thought that I'd be anything but some mediocre high school student living in the ghetto, an ugly little bitch with a powerful social phobia. Why couldn't I do anything proactive and positive? I did! I did regular volunteer work, I would go cook and clean for disabled single Moms in my neighborhood, babysit for others neighbors. Being "proactive and positive" was a lifestyle for me. At the time, I was so balls deep in my depression, my sheer feelings of guilt and shame that had been beaten into me as long as I could remember, nothing I did made any difference to me. I was worthless. I deserved to be punished for it.
I've found other ways to cope with it, nowadays. It has been 8 years since then and yes, I still do get the strongest desire to cut. It relieves guilt and shame which is responsible for the majority of what I would call stress. I do plenty of "proactive" things, I work two jobs and work with troubled youth during the day. I have a colorful resume with many marketable skills and an Associate's that I hope to someday turn into a Bachelor's. I am physically fit. I often go out of my way to help others. None of it makes a difference when you are battling your inner logic and emotions. The emotions sometimes tend to win.
Simple...if you can feel immense out of this world happiness about something then it stands to reason that the opposite can also and will also happen.
#Murphys law.
You do realize that for the people who are actually depressed and in emotional turmoil, it becomes almost like an addiction? And that if someone is self harming, it's a sign they need immediate help? I did it in high school and it was probably the worst experience I've ever had.
I don't know about Tumblr, but I came up with the idea to do it on my own. I was in a terrible emotional state; I felt as if literally no one cared whether I lived or died. And then I started to blame myself for it, so I decided that I needed to be punished. The first night I did it, the cuts were pretty harmless, I didn't even break the skin, and I freaked myself out pretty badly so I didn't do it for awhile.
Something happened to trigger it again a few weeks later, however, and the cuts were worse this time. I did worry a lot about hiding them. I think I probably got about 50 cuts on myself before one of my friends told on me. I fucked up my thigh and pretty much don't wear shorts anymore.
Getting discovered was honestly the worst part, because my mom told me I was "tearing the family apart" and she threatened to ship me off to a mental facility in Texas if I cut myself one more time. I got no sympathy from her. I do think cutting is an addiction, because since I could no longer do it whenever I was feeling turmoil, I would almost start to cry from the frustration of not being able to do it. It honestly took me about another 2 years to be "fully" over it, because I slipped up a few more times. I started to realize that the cutting was making me feel far worse than when I didn't do it, and that's how I beat the cycle. Also the last cut that I made was accidentally too deep and it scared me.
Anyway, you should probably try to have a little more empathy for her, unless she just learned it off the internet and is doing it for some benign reason (which I severely doubt). She needs help.
I made her promise not to hurt herself ever again but now she's trying to break her promise. I almost threatened.
Are you being serious right now? You made her promise, really? Why not tell a meth addict to promise never to take meth again. I'm sorry but it doesn't work that way. She needs professional help. Having her make promises she is unable to keep will do nothing, and making her feel guilty when she fails to keep the promise will just lead her to self harm more.
Stop putting pressure on her that she is unable to handle and get her thr help she needs.
Usually it takes counseling from a good councilor to get over it. I had a really good councilor after I got caught. Just don't ever give her an ultimatum; that's one of the worst things you can do to a person who is cutting. Don't say "You better stop cutting, or else..." That freaks us out more than anything.