I've always felt that i don't belong in this world, is this normal?
Ever since I was little, I've had this strange feeling that I wasn't like other people. I've always felt like an observer, preferring to watch others enjoy themselves and preferring to watch them living their lives as opposed to living my own. As I grew up, I went to school, made friends, but I'd always prefer my own company. I'd hang out alone, in the playground, just me and my thoughts, rather than being with people. It got to the point that my teacher actually phoned my parents about it, suggesting that they talked to me and try to persuade me to hang around with other kids. When they did talk to me about it, I got quite upset, and I told them that I preferred being on my own. They told me that this wasn't normal, and the feeling of not belonging grew a bit bigger.
I'm an only child and I've always had a really over active imagination. As a child I was (and still am) very into movies and television shows, and it might sound pathetic but, when I watched them, I felt like their world was a place where I could belong.When I was 9 or 10, my parents would get angry and tell me that these programmes were not real, and that I could not have such strong emotions about them because I should focus on the real world. But even now, when I'm almost eighteen, I feel the same way, even though I no longer need people to tell me what is truly real and what is not. I've also always enjoyed writing stories, and even creating worlds inside my head.Now that I'm older, I have many friends, and I love them all dearly, but I still don't feel like I'm 'there' when I'm around them. Sometimes, it is as if there is an invisible wall separating me from them in someway. Perhaps what you might think is even stranger is that I actually don't care. I don't care if I feel separated.
Sometimes I feel quite guilty, because my life is wonderful in all other aspects; I have a great family, we live in a nice place, I have access to many interesting things etc - but I still feel off.
I almost wish that this world was the fake, not the world in the movies/television.
Recently, after stressing out to the point where I made myself sick, I was told I had anxiety problems. It was really difficult for me to go out with friends, or go out at all, really. Going to college (high school) was, and still can be, hell. However, I have slowly been getting over these problems with the help of a psychologist, and am back to normal. But after that experience, I feel the barrier separating me from the rest of the world more than ever. It is strange, and you may call me mad, but maybe I was meant to be born in another universe, or maybe I wasn't even meant to be born at all.
My idea of a good time is for me to go somewhere alone, to the city for a day, explore and walk around alone, and be just by myself. I have done this before, twice now I have told my parents that I am meeting up with friends and have just gone to places alone. Does anyone know what is wrong?