I want more scars
Recently, I seem to have grown an obsession over scars and other abnormalities or imperfections. It all started about two or more months ago. I was bored, and making those little temporary white lines on my arm with a pencil. Even though they disappeared in a few seconds, I enjoyed making them.
After a few days, this led to actually wanting to cut my skin. I wasn't quite ready for a knife, so I used my arrowhead necklace, which is actually decently sharp. I had made two cuts, and felt satisfied. They were small, and they hurt, but I enjoyed looking at them. I would pull off the scabs, in the hope that it would leave a scar. But recently, they've been disappearing.
After that, I got a third cut, after my friend accidentally scratched my right hand. It didn't hurt at all at the time, although it was bleeding like crazy. It's a decent sized cut, and it's a dark pink shade now, even though it's been a few weeks. This cut is my favorite one.
And the final one, was a small burn on my left hand. It used to be a dark-ish brown, but now it's barely noticeable.
All of my cuts are disappearing, but I wish they wouldn't. I don't know what it is about them that I love so much, but I don't want them to go away. I want more. I want my arms to have scars and cuts all over them. Somewhat like the right arm of Izuku Midoriya, the main character of the anime Boku No Hero Academia. He got these by overusing his power. Maybe it's the same for me. Maybe I want scars to show all that I've been through. To show people that I'm not delicate or weak. To show them that I can be tough and strong.
I don't think of my situation as self harm. Even though I want to cut my skin, I don't wish to inflict pain upon myself. I just love the look of blood and cuts on my arms or hands.
I am not making this up for attention. It is a legitimate problem that I have and I want to resolve it.
Is there something wrong with me? Am I going insane? Please share your thoughts with me in the comments, and have a wonderful day! :)