I want to be a security guard

I think it is appropriate if I begin this post by disclosing the reason I want to be a security guard. There has to be a reason, right? I want to sexually molest people. There! The reason I want to be a security guard is because I want to intimidate, embarrass and, most of all, sexually molest random people.

I want to think of all the people who have ever pissed me off since i was a kid and hate them. Hate them a lot. Hate them all day long.

Now with all this hatred and evil and loathing making my heart black and heavy and stonehard, I'll apply for a job with a security firm.

When I'm given a contract, the part in the contract document where it says in the job description “check people entering premises”. I'll cross out the word “check” and replace it with the words “molest sexually”. And immediately get stationed outside an office or mall or bank or some other place where innocent civilians tend to pass. Maybe even a church.

When a random person walks up I'll refer to them as “YOU!” but not a good “you”, the kind of “you” that is used in the sentence “you contemptuous and revolting waste of flesh and breathing air, you are the one who spends nights sodomising medium-sized rodents, aren’t you?” I'll say “You! What is in the bag! Bring and I see.”

When the person suggests that i don’t have to be rude, and that they were not refusing to be checked and that they are quite ready to comply with the security protocols required to enter the building, I'll sneer and grab at their bag. I'll grab at it as if it is a wild animal attempting to escape capture. I'll grab at the handle of their Gucci handbag as if it is a hyena throat.

I'll rip the thing open and stare inside with my mouth curled downwards as if i already despise everything this person has ever done. I'll hope that i find something sexual in the bag like edible panties or a vibrator so i can take them out and embarrass the chick. If it is a guy and i find a vibrator, that will be my lucky day.

Now I know I'm not allowed to grab the person’s bottom any more but this doesn’t mean i cannot make them uncomfortable. I'll use my handheld metal detector. I'll use it suggestively to emasculate the men i check or violate the women. Then let them enter and cry from inside.