I want to become a good person but the advice online is bs.

Ugh, I didn't read the whole story or comments, I was just pondering this the other day....again... people usually say to put others before yourself, and other people say to put yourself first, because no one else will.. I tend to agree with the latter.

YOU are the most important person in your life. If you can't help yourself, how do you expect to help others?? Once you get your own shit together, thats the best way to help others. How can anyone truly help someone else before they know shit about their true self?????

Yeah Ive noticed a lot say that the cure to depression is to "love yourself", I also noticed that a lot of depressed people are actually really selfish to begin with, just on the opposite side of that. But anyway, becoming selfless is a good way to go. You know how to do it so why bother with advice online. I have also given up with that optimistic bs, onto be more realistic. Although, I wouldn't expect people to "care for you because you were a good person". Very few people genuinely care about anyone at all. The reward is feeling that you contribute something of value to the world.

Look, what you need is to take a walk or go on a bike ride or go on a kayak alone for an 1-2 hours and think about the person you are, have become, and want to be. Just take the time to think and the answer should find you. Deep down you know what a good person is and the only way to find it is to take some time alone for a while.

I agree with your prognosis about what makes a good person. Good on you for being self aware and wanting there to be a change. Very often people find though that the efforts they make to improve amount to little deep down, even if it changes surface things... I'd warn you about it not to bash you over the head with it, but so you don't expect too much.

We are what we are. We're the sum of our genetics, past, upbringing, relationships, passions and habits, and maybe a handful of other things that determine our core 'nature' out of which we act. To be anything other than that though... I've heard of many who had the same idea of what constitutes a good person as you, put requests in to their maker for a change of operating system, and saw results.

All the best on your quest, friend.

What do you need advice on? It sounds like you already know everything you should.

I think you frankly missed the point that if say you are a sandwich and your goal is to give it to someone you have to first make it a tasty sandwich otherwise you are just giving people a shit sandwich. In my opinion I'd much prefer to be near people who love themselves and have done the work to make themselves happy. They spread positivity and are an inspiration. If someone gives me things but hates themself and is clueless I can't help but receive their insecurities and anxiety. Of course a balance is needed but I do believe you must love yourself before others. Another important question to ask seriously is WHY do you want to be a good person.

You're suffering from severe brainwashing. I suggest taking a walk down a highway and then keep going.

Religion warps your mind; science tells you what is real. Masturbate and go take a shit. It's the best advice I ever got.

I know it sounds conflicting but truly the best way to help others is to help yourself. People don't learn by you telling them or doing things for them, we all have a journey and you can beat information into someone but until they are ready to learn it you will be wasting your time. Same thing goes towards pleasing others. Everyone has their own set of issues and you don't know what one another is dealing with so the best thing to do is be you, lead by example, and if someone needs help you help them. I've always found that people who try to hard can sometimes be a bit annoying as horrible as that sounds, so maybe just try to do you're thing and if someone wants to join then let them, if not don't take it personally. Let your friends come to you. You can usually sense when someone is into something or not, use your gut.

Be kind to those who help and support you and will return the favor.
As for people who aren't good to you. Fuck em.
You dont have to put others first to be a good person. You have to take care of yourself before you can help others.
If you just do things for others and not yourself you just make yourself everyones bitch, which isn't good.

you can't make a good man better , and you can't make a bad man good. you can fix a woman if you beat her . thats what muslims do.

The problem with 'good' and 'bad', is that what is good for one person, is always bad for another person, and vice versa.

So if you really want to be a good person, you will need to be really bad.

Think about it!

"When I was growing up I was taught that you always have to put others before you. You have to give them priority over you to show that you care and take care of others. They said as long as you did that others would care for you because you were a good person.
You HAVE to be humble
You HAVE to be kind
You HAVE to be selfless"

If you follow advice like that you're going to be used by others. I believe that kind of advice is usually peddled by leaders and gurus so that YOU stay humble so you don't double cross them lol

"When I was growing up I was taught that you always have to put others before you. You have to give them priority over you to show that you care and take care of others. They said as long as you did that others would care for you because you were a good person.
You HAVE to be humble
You HAVE to be kind
You HAVE to be selfless"

I don't necessarily agree with this paragraph, because human beings have a nasty habit of mistaking kindness for weakness. Oftentimes when you give an inch people will take a mile. I think it's extremely important to set firm boundaries when helping others. I don't think it's wise to put others before yourself at the expense of your own personal goals, possessions, health and emotions.

If I want to help people I will donate money and time to support charities that help people. I certainly wouldn't allow people who are supposedly in need to live in my house. I think it's very important to maintain balance in one's life.

I think the sort of advice you get online depends on where you go.

To be completely and perhaps brutally honest I rather resent your second paragraph. There are plenty of wonderful people who are not selfless, I don't think it's necessary to put other people before one's self in order to be a good person. I think self-reliance is more important than interdependence. For me being a good person is more about not doing bad things like lying, cheating, stealing etc than overextending yourself. So much of that second paragraph sounds demanding, shaming, guilt provoking and like emotional blackmail. If I want others to know I care for them I will buy them birthday or Christmas gifts or at least cards. I'm not going to put others ahead of myself except my closest family and my partner, and still it's not a hard and fast rule, because it depends on the situation as it's important to stand one's ground in many circumstances.

I am curious, however, as to where you're from. Are you from a more collectivist sort of culture as opposed to say more individualistic sort of cultures?