I want to cut myself for no reason.

24% Normal
6 Comments

So I started cutting in middle school cause, you know, middle school. It's been on and off during high school, but I've had marginally under control. I've never cut my wrists and no one sees my scars, not even if I'm swimming in a bikini. It was at its worse last year during my junior year when I finally confessed to a few close family members and friends, including my mom.

Now, I haven't cut in a month or two, not counting one or two tiny ones or, in the midst of crying uncontrollably, I scratched myself. I wan't even thinking about it-- it's just what my body automatically did. Besides, it didn't leave a long lasting scar and it was only about an inch long.

Anyway, I threw away all my razors and decided to stop because cutting wasn't just hurting me, it was hurting my loved ones. I've been working so hard to feel better. There's no school to stress me out, I've been losing weight and exercising, but I still can't help but get the urge to cut again. It's party PMS some of the times (I've always been an emotion wreck for a week or two before I start), but other than that, there's no real reason for wanting to cut.

I want to so bad way too often and sometimes I have a really hard time not listening to my stupid rationalizations. Logically, I know it's not okay to cut, but some emotional whatever bull crap doesn't see the problem with it. I don't know why it matters if I cut or not. I'm not putting my life in danger; I'm even careful of infections. I've basically perfected cutting to not leave scars and some crazy part of me doesn't understand why I shouldn't do something I really want to do. If I keep it secret, who cares?

Voting Results
24% Normal
Based on 41 votes (10 yes)
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Comments ( 6 )
  • joesmith545
    8 years ago

    There may be an underlying condition causing this that you're not aware of; maybe its become habitual due to your aforementioned history. Even though you are being careful and minimizing the physical damage, I can't help feeling that your suppressing a deep seeded problem that hasn't been resolved yet.

    Perhaps you should talk to your family again, or seek professional advice to come to terms with whats causing this.

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    • JayDelta
      8 years ago

      I did actually cave yesterday, but for some reason I don't feel bad about it at all. I still don't see the problem, but I told my mom and we talked. She said basically the same thing you just did, but this is like, the third time she's concluded that I should get a therapist. I don't think it'll happen. Thanks for commenting; for some reason it makes me feel better.

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  • nameless-girl
    8 years ago

    It's sounds to me like u are weak and can't cope with life

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    • JayDelta
      8 years ago

      Normally, I'd agree with you, but the problem is that my cutting is no longer a coping mechanism. Also, I'm not really sure why some people decide to use anonymity to try and shame others or make them feel bad; it looks like that's all you do. Are you okay? I'm sorry being a jerk on this website is how you make yourself feel better. I hope you get some help and find healthier and better ways to be happy.

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      • nameless-girl
        8 years ago

        I'm not being a "jerk" weak people like yourself would do anything to make YOURSELVES feel better. And don't YOU come here on this website expecting any sympathy or empathy for being such a little crybaby. Do yourself a favor and be a strong human being and stop complaining to people about telling the truth.

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        • JayDelta
          8 years ago

          Most of what you just said was spouting garbage. In what way have I been a crybaby in the slightest? I am not looking for sympathy, I am here (if you couldn't guess based on the website's name) to find out how normal my problem is. Since 70% of people who've voted say no, it isn't normal, I've got what I've come for. I didn't come for you to insult me. Just because I have a problem I struggle with, doesn't make me weak. The fact that I'm working hard to over come it would arguably make me the opposite. What would make me weak would be if I let people like you make me feel bad about myself, which is all you're obviously trying to do. You say you're just telling the truth, but in reality, unless you're an idiot, you know your goal is to make people feel bad. I'd rather be weak than someone like you.

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