I was never been in loved till now

My experience feeling Loved in my chest was like butterfly's " it feels nice.." Then when my heart shatter " it's hurts" it was burning in my chest and almost cried. While I was growing up as a kid ( now I'm a man), no one couldn't say ( I love you from my family even my mom) I wanted to find my true Loved. During in high school?

I notice one girl just one girl, that everybody else has kept telling me ( she's there! U got to Find her! She's near you? Just doesn't know yet). This girl I know For 7 years so I realize it ( she's always been around me for 7 years) i try my best to tell her if she's wanted be my girlfriend. It was been three years trying! I remember I ask her 7 times. Turns out I Failed the dreams that kept having same dream with her, she never showed me love or any care at all. She agree to go on a date then ditch me at the end.

I have been in relationships before " why I get bad ones, where is the real girl who cares" this one? When u have dreams with a girl that tries tell you, never know there serious or not. That love feeling is same feeling when u see something such anime, hentai, games characters, girl.

I Realze that Love is good then again it's scary ( for me? Due to love phobia)

Am I alone......I thought u people would related to my issue. A human being finding the right one In Their life but can't because Fear of being hurt again at the end.