I wish i was a lesbian

I wish I was a lesbian for one because I am scared of penetration which has scared me from ever having sex because men has to use their penis or they go nuts in the head. I also wish I was a lesbian because I think that spending my life with a woman would be nicer than with a man. I also quite like boobs.
Unfortunately I am attracted to men especially handy men as nothing is hotter than a capable man who can build things and wear working pants and no shirt which is attractive. I am attracted to older men especially and currently I am dating one who is a year younger than me and quite inexperienced but its fine I picked him because he's good to me so I can feel happy and calm in the commitment. Hes not handy either but I am open minded these days... my only needs are loyalty and no stress but I still think about my most recent crush who is an older man I havent seen since we worked together now around 4 months ago. We used to flirt but he was so nice and gentle he never tried to go further than innocent flirting and I didnt flirt even harder because I was afraid to come off as a shameless whore. I liked how gentle and soft he was in his body language etc and he looked soo young for his age, very handsome. One time I saw him directing someone else at the workplace while holding a clipboard and it was crazy attractive because he resembled a handyman in his working pants and he was giving someone instructions like he was being dominant... See I am a whore. I just havent acted upon it yet. And I am definietely not a lesbian... Dammit