Is it normal for a 20 year old woman to find the idea of marriage to be offputting?

96% Normal
14 Comments

I ask this because it seems like for most people I know, marraige is the end-goal.

I like the idea of commitment lasting for maybe a few years, but imagining myself being committed for a lifetime makes me uncomfortable. I can't imagine settling for just one man when there are so many different people and personalities out there who I could also experience the world with and learn new things with.
I just feel like a lifetime relationship would make my life feel stagnant, and I want variety in my life.

I also don't see a point in marrying because I'm nonreligious and don't want kids. Also from what I hear from many married people (both male and female) is that they feel trapped in their marraige.

Voting Results
96% Normal
Based on 25 votes (24 yes)
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Comments ( 14 )
  • olderdude-xx
    3 years ago

    In reality; the concepts behind marriage have changed a lot over the centuries - and more rapidly in the last 50 years.

    While I believe there is a purpose in marriage, vs just a long term live in arrangement; it took me a lot of thinking to find it for me. It may not be right for you at this time. It may not be right for you ever.

    It does simplify some things legally; but causes confusion in others. Long term live in arrangements also have legal confusion (although some states have better state laws for them than others).

    I wish you well in working this out. It's something that took me at least a decade to work out myself.

    In the meantime - don't let anything related to marriage hold you back from having meaningful relationships.

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  • SkullsNRoses
    3 years ago

    It’s normal, especially at 20. You have barely lived, no wonder you don’t want to be tied down.

    I don’t see why so many people are obsessed with marriage either, great swaths of couples end up falling out of love with each-other and the only real advantages I see are the tax breaks and legal protections.

    If you’re surrounded mostly by women in their early 20s this may be a case of them wanting a wedding rather than a marriage.

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    • SwickDinging
      3 years ago

      I think there is some truth in this. Not just women though, it's men too - some people are keen to have a big celebration day that's very expensive and shows how successful they are. It's all about the party and the photos and showing off, and not really anything to do with actually wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person.

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      • SmokeEverything
        3 years ago

        Ive always looked at it like that. Im never getting married but I guess I can see how it would appeal to some people.

        Most of the problem comes from people actively looking for "The person I want to marry" vs. marrying somebody cause you click like that. People see it as a life goal that shows success and maturity

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        • SwickDinging
          3 years ago

          Yup. I knew marrying my now husband was the right thing to do because I didn't give a fuck about the wedding. I just wanted to be his wife and start our lives together as a family.

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  • GuvnorsOtherWoman
    3 years ago

    It's perfectly normal. I'm over 60 and have never been married and never wanted to. I value my freedom too much and I also have mental health issues.

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  • Tommythecaty
    3 years ago

    Well sometimes it takes longer than being a few years out of high school to figure out how you feel about things.

    I really don’t recall a lot of people wanting to get married at twenty, honestly it’s just drinking and fucking at that age for most.

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  • RoseIsabella
    3 years ago

    I'm not trying to find someone to marry, because I haven't got enough money saved up for legal fees in case it doesn't work out. I honestly prefer to live alone, but I would like to have a good dog join my cat, and I.

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  • cupcake_wants
    3 years ago

    I'm 45 and I never got married, only had bfs throughout my life. For perhaps the same reason as you. I never really found "Mr Right". I never had kids either. In hindsight I wish I would have had kids bc time is running out for me though.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    3 years ago

    Sounds normal. I find the idea of marriage to be offputting as well. Though my reasons are different:

    If I marry someone with disability benefits, they'll lose those benefits because the government would expect ME to pay for them.

    If we get divorced, potentially half my assets would go into paying alimony.

    If they're in debt or can't pay their part of the living expenses, I might be expected to help pay their debts.

    So yeah, marriage can potentially screw me financially.

    Also, it sounds like you might be polyamorous. Poly people should probably not get married, since it only serves to tie them down.

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  • yellowbanana
    3 years ago

    It's normal. I used to fantasize about marriage a lot, but after some self reflection realized I only liked the idea of marriage, and not actually being married. And yeah, constantly hearing how married people hate being married doesn't help, especially when my own parents are one of those couples.

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  • SwickDinging
    3 years ago

    Totally normal, especially at 20.

    You may change your mind one day. Or you may not. Either way it's totally fine. You shouldn't make big life decisions like that based on what you think others/society expects of you.

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  • bigbudchonga
    3 years ago

    In the modern world, yes

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  • nopurpose
    3 years ago

    marraige is the end-goal"
    For real?!? What's that backward society you're living in. Some remote rural area still not moved past the 50s?!

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