Is it normal guilt/vigilantism eating him alive

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98 Comments

My friend/roommate is very very wrapped in being a giving and charitable person. He’s incredibly outgoing, as friendly as anything, but he’s wasting himself away with all the giving.

I’ve never seen him get fast food without doing the “and I’ll pay for the person behind me” thing or not give a homeless dude his leftovers or some cash. Two drinks in and it’s “Drinks on me!”, he brings desserts back for the front desks at hotels, tips heavy, volunteers 30+ hours a week on top of his part time job and being a graduate student.

He has very bad insomnia, skipping sleep all together most nights and as far as I can tell has some sort of manic episodes.

It’s every night he says “I feel so guilty just sitting here not doing anything. Did you hear about XYZ? I should do something about that”

At first it was just about personal stuff, a friend needing help, local charities, now he seems to want to take on worldly problems.

Went vegan, zero waste, talking about how “certain kinds of people” are a serious problem that “need to be dealt with” and that there needs to be a “cleansing”

World/local news only upsets him so I keep it off the tv. It’s never been about showing off his wealth or charity, he just has a feverishly bleeding heart for doing things for others/animals.

My girlfriend thinks he must have done something awful to want to rack up all the good karma points.

TL;DR My roommate has an obsession with trying to fix the worlds problems, and what started as good deeds and being a good host has turned into a seriously draining need to “fight evil”

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47% Normal
Based on 19 votes (9 yes)
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Comments ( 98 )
  • bigbudchonga
    4 years ago

    He sounds like a great guy, and, ironically, you're right to be worried. He's going to burn himself out. I had what was close to a mental breakdown when I was 18/19 and I started going really deep into what I thought was morally right. He sounds self desructive with how much shit he wants to do. No human can function at the level he's pushing himself.

    You're going to have to find a way to word it well in order to convince him, but pick the right time, and tell him that he's essentially overloading his system. He can try and help the world, he can donate, he can do charity work, he can have strong moral opinions, but if he does too much then he's going to break and not be able to do anything; not only would that be bad for him, but it ends up as net-negative in terms of the contributions he could be doing for the world. He needs to moderate himself, both so he can stay functional as a human, and thus also function in these charitable acts he's doing.

    TLDR: convince him to moderate himself, or he's going to break.

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  • Clunk42
    4 years ago

    To me, he just sounds like a really generous person who wants to fix the world. Although, vegan and no waste cannot coexist. The thought of a no-waste vegan made me laugh. Veganism is, in its nature, a waste of good meat, milk, and eggs.

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    • DIO
      4 years ago

      Cow milk is not meant for human to be drunk in the first place. It's made for calves to help them grow up. If anything, we should drink women's milk. Cow milk is bad for people's health. The lobby is huge. Look it up.

      Veganism is a diet that can enables zero waste if done properly.
      And no, I'm not vegan.

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      • Clunk42
        4 years ago

        What about dead animals? What about unfertilized animal eggs? Those would both go to waste if we didn't eat them. My quick Google search has provided no evidence toward your claim about milk. According to Google, it is extremely good for bone growth, but just barely increases one's chance of getting cancer.

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        • MissWolf
          4 years ago

          Dio is just sour milk I've heard. Always got something negative. You never specified in what animal milk. For all I know it could of been goats milk. And if it was so horrible for us we wouldnt have it in the first place lol. Helps the bones etc.

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          • DIO
            4 years ago

            I've said cow milk. Can't you read at all?
            " And if it was so horrible for us we wouldnt have it in the first place lol." Are you that naive and gullible? Do you also think smoking is good for your health? You're so naive it's unbelievable and scary.
            Please do research before spilling your ignorance here.

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            • MissWolf
              4 years ago

              Do you want to be blocked for being a problem cause? Cuz I wont hesitate. I was not talking to you in the first place. You already left a bad taste in my mouth with your dumbass answer on one of my own posts. In no mood to deal with you

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        • DIO
          4 years ago

          There's no waste if you don't produce them in the first place. And animals die all the time. Nobody eats all the dead animals on the planet.

          I've told you, the lobbying is extremely huge and powerful. You have to dig it up and find unbiased source of information to know what milk really is. Most people were told that milk was good for them and believe the legend that you need it for your bone. Most people are naive and uninformed.
          Here's an exemple of what milk does (with links to serious studies too):

          https://www.pcrm.org/good-nutrition/nutrition-information/health-concerns-about-dairy

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          • TerriAngel
            4 years ago

            DIO.
            You have a semi valid point.
            Is cows milk the best thing for us.
            No.
            But I like it.
            Just like I like alchohol and used to smoke.
            As for the O.P.
            Her friend seems well intentioned but misguided.

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      • TerriAngel
        4 years ago

        Dio:
        So, ice cream is bad?
        Yogurt?
        Cheese?
        Dio, please...

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        • DIO
          4 years ago

          Ice cream is bad, especially with the amout of sugar in it. Cheese is also bad for your cholesterol. I don't know about yogurt.
          But don't be mistaken, I love cheese and ice cream. I eat cheese very often. I just know it's not good for your health.

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      • Sleepykitten
        4 years ago

        I love how quick you can hop from insisting that the universe has no right or wrong and no "meant to's", to saying that cow milk isn't "meant to" be drunk by human beings. Do you troll this badly on purpose or is it a happy accident?

        Modern-day cows only exist because human beings bred them from aurochs. The ethnicities of humans that bred modern-day cows are also much less likely to be lactose intolerant, because their ancestors were drinking milk as a food source. To the extent that anything in this world is "meant to" be, cow milk actually is meant to be drunk by humans, broski.

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        • DIO
          4 years ago

          No right or wrong as nothing to do with reality. Don't be retarded please. And I've never said it has no "meant to's".

          No, it's not. It's meant to be drunk by calves. And anyone saying otherwise is either uneducated or stupid. Drink it as much as you want, it's still not for you. And 65% of the people on the planet are lactose intolerant. Please educate yourself, I don't have time to waste with uneducated people.

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          • Sleepykitten
            4 years ago

            You're cute, Dio. Lashing out might make you feel good today, but therapy would make you feel better in the long term. 65% of the people on the planet may be lactose intolerant, but I'm not, nor are my ancestors, and nothing you've said addressed anything I said in my prior comment.

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            • DIO
              4 years ago

              I don't lash out. I just don't sugarcoat. That's different.
              You have absolutely no proof at all that your ancestors were not lactose intolerant. There are people of the same familly with some being lactose intolerant and others not.

              What have I not addressed? What in particular are you refering to?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Actually, if you stop supporting the meat and dairy industry they will take the hint and cut back on how much they produce, due to supply and demand, therefore eventu- Oh no HE’S IN MY HEAD AHHHHH!!!

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      • DIO
        4 years ago

        I don't really care what people eat. I just care about them not spreading bullshit about it being healthy when it's not.
        Your point is valid.

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  • DIO
    4 years ago

    Well, as kind of the anthitesis of your friend way of thinking, I'd say he's pretty boring.
    You can't "fix" the world for it is not broken.
    The world is only not like he would like it to be.
    He's not normal. He shouldn't care about what's right or what's wrong, because there's no right or wrong in the first place. Only chaos and what people make of it.
    And you know the thing about chaos? It's fair.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Right or wrong definitely exists. Unless you’re keen on being the Devils advocate for child rape. I’d say that is completely and utterly Wrong.

      He wants what’s best for the most people, everything he does is good, he does everything he can to relieve peoples troubles. His head is in the right space, he just has the passion and bravery to apply actions to it. It’s selflessness, and it’s a bit of self neglect.

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      • DIO
        4 years ago

        No they don't. Whether you see things as bad or good is only a point of view. People wouldn't do things if they tought they were bad in the first place. It's not because you and I define child rape as wrong that everyone do. Therefore, it's a subjective notion and do not exist in reality.

        No, he wants the world to be like HE wants. Nothing to do with selflessness, it's just Ego.
        Someone that is selfless care about helping people but he doesn't NEED it to exist. Your friend obviously does.

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        • Anonymous Post Author
          4 years ago

          A child: “Ow I hurt my knee :(“
          My friend: “Oh here, have a bandaid :)”
          DIO from the Internet: “THE AUDACITY OF THIS EGOTISTICAL ASSHOLE”

          He lives to help others, not force them to act a certain way, these people ask for help in the way they want help, and he follows through with it.
          I fucking dare you to try to shame such actions. He doesn’t WANT to help, he feels that it’s his DUTY to help others/animals. He sees them struggle, and wants to make it better for them. How can you knock that?

          The people benefitting from this are in PERFECT condition with the arrangement. The only person who is being harmed is HIMSELF.

          The victim here is only him. You are reading this incorrectly.

          It’s obvious the only person you’ve ever looked out for is yourself. You wouldn’t dirty your tires to avoid running over a kitten. You have no ruling in this situation as it’s far above you. I can’t teach calculus to someone who doesn’t know basic math.

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          • leggs91200
            4 years ago

            Dio is a serious dick about things, not even in a joking manner, just ignore it.

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          • DIO
            4 years ago

            I really like the way you portray me. It was really funny, thank you!

            He does want to help them. Or else he wouldn't. Whether he thinks it is his duty or not is another matter.
            As you're saying "He sees them struggle, and wants to make it better for them." Who wants? HIM. HE WANTS.
            As long as you want something, it is the ego talking. Whether it's wanting to "help" people or to kill them, it's still something you're doing for yourself. I know it is hard to understand especially if you're never studied philosophy but this is how it is.

            I'm not shaming him at all, I'm merely stating things how they are. Devoid of emotional bias.

            It's okay to help people that ask for it. But the way you're descibing your friend makes it seem like an unhealthy obsession for him.

            I look out for a lot of other people, because I want to. I'm just not fooled by the illusion of doing this for others like you seem to be. I would rather have an accident with another car than run over a kitten. Because I want to. I couldn't hurt a cat.

            Don't be fooled by your ego. Try to look at things without your emotional bias.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              4 years ago

              Thanks. I’ve been told I’m a funny guy.
              Find then, let’s say that his generosity and selflessness is indeed a case of an “inflated ego”. Are you saying this is a bad thing? You sound like you stand for nothing, that the only beliefs you have are that having beliefs is a weakness. Stand for nothing, fall for anything.

              And yes, his generosity harms him. His activity is constant and it makes it impossible for him to ever settle down or take a break. He used to be a super buff dude but traded the gym for more charity hours and slimmed up. He has a very nicely paying job but only works half time so all of the spending on others takes a tax on any sort of savings.

              His heart is absolutely in the right place, he’s a godsend, sainthood worthy. BUT. It stopped being, “I want to help” and started becoming “I have to help” and that’s the trouble. He is in trouble. He doesn’t help himself enough and I’ve had my suspicions that he’s turned to stimulants to keep up with his schedule.

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        • Clunk42
          4 years ago

          The world does need to be fixed. Right and wrong are set in stone. I am the true antithesis to you, not him. Right must be done, for in lack of right, there is wrong. Wrong is sin; sin is evil; sin leads to torment in the fiery depths of Hell.

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          • DIO
            4 years ago

            You're talking about a mental and cultural construct. I'm talking about real life.
            There's no right and wrong in real life. In nature.

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            • Clunk42
              4 years ago

              Nature and humanity are two different things. Humanity was made to observe and protect nature. Right and wrong are still set in stone.

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            • Anonymous Post Author
              4 years ago

              If you want to be ooga booga caveman there still is right in wrong in the most basics of nature.

              If you kill your “breeding partner” now you’ve failed to reproduce and now your existence and species dies off. That would be the /wrong/ thing to do.

              Anonymous Post Author is big strong man monkey. Big strong man monkey treat DIO wife better and now have better chance of reproduce. Oo Oo Ah Ah.

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  • ToTheMoon
    4 years ago

    “certain kinds of people” are a serious problem that “need to be dealt with” and that there needs to be a “cleansing”

    YEP, THAT KIND OF DESTROYS ALL THE GOOD HE DID!

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  • Sleepykitten
    4 years ago

    A lot of people are suffering from this. In my town there's even a support group for it. It has nothing to do with having done something bad; dude is suffering because the world is going to shit and there's not a lot he can do to prevent that, but he feels like it's his moral obligation to do everything that IS in his control to prevent it, which adds up to a lot of petty things like going vegan and not buying paper towels.

    The common term for it is "climate grief", and while it's not particularly psychologically healthy, it's becoming more and more common.

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  • charli.m
    4 years ago

    Sounds like some pretty serious mental health issues. He should see someone before he hurts himself or others.

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    • Sleepykitten
      4 years ago

      There is absolutely nothing in the OP that suggests the roommate is at risk of hurting himself or others. That phrase is not just a cutesy little thing to say to make yourself sound smarter, it can land people in prison or dead if misapplied. Stop using it so carelessly.

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      • charli.m
        4 years ago

        "He has very bad insomnia, skipping sleep all together most nights and as far as I can tell has some sort of manic episodes."

        Perhaps you think I've jumped the gun, but the people I've known who have gotten to that level - it's been pretty bad. For them and the people they've attacked.

        I'm not blaming them, in case that's not clear. It's their untreated mental health.

        I don't say anything like that lightly.

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        • Sleepykitten
          4 years ago

          So anyone who has chronic insomnia deserves to be sectioned? The phrase "danger to self or others" means a very specific thing. I know lots of insomniacs and a few manic-depressives as well, I'm still serious. Don't talk like this lightly, you can completely destroy any hope they might have of recovering their mental health like this. Not sleeping and having manic episodes does not make a person a danger to themselves or others.

          And yes, obviously you are taking it lightly, ffs. If you had a rough time sleeping or spent 24h awake, would you want to be put in jail? Have some sense and empathy, please.

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          • charli.m
            4 years ago

            It seems you're determined to misread. I don't know why. Good luck with that.

            As someone who has had insomnia, no, I don't think that, nor did I say that. Why you're choosing to focus on that is anyone's guess. I'm beyond caring rn.

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            • Sleepykitten
              4 years ago

              Do you think having insomnia is rare or something? I can only hope someone smacks you down the next time you try to pull this. You can't just call someone "a danger to self or others" every time they make your middle-class suburban self feel a little off-balance.

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            • DIO
              4 years ago

              He's the king of misreading.
              He's pretty stupid.

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