Is it normal i cant stand my dad and he makes me anxious

My parents are DRAMA. I have to stay away. Last time it was us arguing about how I want the pool gate door closed at their house if theyre watching my kid and im not there. Momma was like "how dare you question our ability to watch him at the pool" but before we left him there with her we looked outside and hes running around the pool 3 seperate times with them not out there! They were in the garage drinking beer. Just always a ego battle with my mom and my dad is her enforcer. Normal ppl would just be like ok ill keep the gate closed dont worry about anything its ok. But theyre like "IF HES AT THIS HOUSE THAT GATE DOOR STAYS OPEN!!!" then its "WHY ARE YOU TAKING HIM WITH YOU!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE LEAVING THEM!" *picks up phone dials whole family tells them how the heroin addicted blacksheep is being crazy again*

I feel like there's much more to this.

You should explain calmly to your mother that your interaction with your father causes you more harm than anything else and that she should not insist that you maintain that relationship because she only does this to feel like she is being a good ex-wife and if she was considering this from your perspective she would not encourage you to interact with your father. This is way a too long sentence and I hope that you understand the message I am trying to convey.

Jesus.

Some people are just so thoroughly screwed up that they should never become parents, and it really sounds like your father is one of them. The few things you say about your mother suggest that it's possible she might also fall into that category.

I obviously don't know any of the background - and it's entirely possible you haven't yet got the full, unvarnished truth either - but the fact that he was only allowed to see you while supervised when you were a kid says loads. Courts only order that when a parent poses a clear danger of some sort to the child. And since this would have been at least twenty years ago, that makes the implications even worse; courts back then were generally much more reluctant to interfere in the lives of divided families than they are now.

I'm a father myself, and I feel very strongly that children should not feel obliged to have any contact with their parents if they feel that doing so has a negative impact on their mental health or any other aspect of their life. The source of half of your genes is your father, and you wouldn't exist if he hadn't had sex with your mother, but that imposes no legal or moral obligation on you to spend time with him. Responsible parents of adult children will always be concerned about the choices they make and their future prospects, but they will also always do their best to support their children in whatever decisions they make and talk them up. A parent who is a decent human being would never behave as your father does.

From the chronology you give in your OP, you're at least in your mid- or late-twenties. Dude, you're not a kid anymore. You no longer have to spend time with Daddy because a court says he must have a weekly opportunity to fuck with your head and make you feel miserable. You no longer have to listen to Mommy when she says that you should make nice with Daddy just because he's your Daddy.

You say you'd feel bad about cutting him out of your life entirely. I have to wonder why that is. Could it be that in the culture you were raised in, children are expected to always at least tolerate their parents, no matter how nasty they are? If so, here's a news flash: that aspect of those cultures is indoctrinated into children by adults who like the idea of being able to get away with treating their kids like shit, often because that's exactly what happened with them.

We always get something out of the things we decide to do, even if that isn't obvious to us. I'd suggest you ask yourself what exactly it is that you gain by spending time with the guy who happens to share half of your genetic makeup. You obviously aren't being forced to respond to his calls and texts or to spend time with him, so there must be a reason you choose to do so. You gain _something_ from this.

Oh, and if you have this teensy little voice at the back of your mind whispering that there might come a time when you're good enough to make him happy with you and then he'll be the father you wish he was, tell that voice to shut the fuck up. It ain't never gonna happen, and you need to accept that.

Hmm, sounds abusive.