Is it normal i feel like i have a billion things wrong with me?

I can often not go out in the day as I hate how it feels to walk if my legs touch and hate people seeing my face if I feel ugly. Plus my personality preoccupies my time - whether im good enough, kind enough, too selfish, too boring, too eager to please, too self-satisified, too critical. Everything I say, I think about it in my head after. So many times people have treated me like im boring or weird. I hate my body sooo much and I cannot tell If I pretty or not but if i see photos of my self I plunge into an oblivion of depression. I have no energy to do anything or see anyone. I have such a complicated relationship with food its been so many years of starving and purging that i feel pretty hopeless I can ever be normal about food - everytime I eat bad it sparks another phase of staying in and not seeing anyone. I don't know if I have Body dysmorphia, depression, an eating disorder, social anxiety - which one if any? I think i need help but theres no one. Im sooo tired of having tangled myself up in all of this. I am not trying be a sob story but maybe other people feel similarly?

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73% Normal
Based on 22 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • Short4Words

    Of course. I hate myself with a passion. That critical voice is practically the narrator of my life. I'm seeing someone about it.
    What her studying has taught her is that we all have a protective side and mine has gone off the wall. Basically convinced me I should never try to be happy because the downfall will destroy me like it almost has before.

    I suggest looking into CBT. There are things you can do on you're own I'm sure if a therapist is not an option. The idea is to build that positive voice in you. Because my protector side is more vocal than anything else it doesn't give room to the positive voice.

    Remind yourself what you're good at and who you are and try to reflect that in your life as much as possible. And learn to forgive yourself. You don't have to be perfect. I use to feel like no one made the same mistakes I did but I started noticing that everyone does and I'm not special in the case of being a fuck up.

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  • Koda

    You have to realize, first, that you're treating yourself cruelly. You spend a lot of time thinking about how you treat others and trying to be a good person. Why would you exempt yourself from your own empathy and care? You deserve to be loved by everyone including yourself.

    The good news is, you won't always feel this way about yourself. Depression and anxiety often compound the doubts we have about ourselves and they go from slight preoccupations, to obsessions, to total hatred and repulsion of the self. You seem like you might be a young person, and it's VERY normal for young people to feel this way. You might not be used to your adult body or your adult mind yet. It takes time to settle it: years.

    So much of what you've said are things I used to think and feel when I was younger. I used to hate seeing pictures of myself and feel horrible about subjecting others to the sight of my own face. I didn't feel like I was good enough in any way, or deserving of happiness or success. I thought that my life was some kind of punishment for something I'd done wrong. And then one day I realized that I needed to accept the challenges in my life as conditions of my future successes. Life isn't supposed to be easy or fair. Conquering life's hurtles is what makes it all worth it. One day it hit me how lucky I was. I was lucky I had a good family. I was lucky I was, for the most part, healthy, and I was lucky my life WASN'T easy. I didn't want an easy ride anymore.

    Before you can truly appreciate yourself and your life, you have to be an important part of other lives. Ignore the self for while, and just focus on others. Don't look in the mirror. Don't fixate on food or clothes or any of that. Forget that your outside even matters. BE the person you are on the inside, and let it shine out so strongly it blocks out your insecurities even in the eyes of others.

    And you know what? One day, you'll come to realize that you love yourself, when you least expect it. You'll be proud of the person you are, and love every single thing that makes you unique physically and mentally. You'll begin to see yourself the way those who love you see you; as beautiful, and perfect, and deserving of love. You'll realize you don't really want to change what makes you who you are.

    With this realization comes true confidence, but it takes years, I'm not gonna lie. You probably don't believe me now, but at least give it a try. Live to serve and to protect for a bit (: Think of the ways you can do good in the wider world as well. The bigger your future impact, the less your past will matter to you and to the world. Appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world and what you DO have daily, and one day you'll feel more 'blessed' than some people who have won the lottery. People will wish they were as happy as you, and you can tell them how to be.

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    • bluegreenpink

      Thanks so much for the reply, i took lots away from it - when im in the outdoors or even at music festivals and im much more free and there are no mirrors around - those are the times im at my most confident. I will try and forget my 'outside' and even be happy my life isn't easy (who's is!).

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      • Koda

        You're welcome. I'm happy to help :)

        I think your idea of spending more time outside is a great one. When we're indoors, the subconscious feels physically encased by society's rules and standards, but outside of the confines of humanity, in nature, we feel free and individual, as we're supposed to feel. It's too bad mirrors were ever invented in a way, because from the first time we peer into one our own physical appearance will forever be part of our self-image and affect our self esteem. Suddenly, we're not just "who" we are, we're "what" we are physically too. It's like our personality splits in two, and there's a new version of the self created, one that observes from the outside and judges us.

        When we're away from mirrors and cameras and hair products for a while, we begin to revert to our infantile self-image, at least in momentary bouts. I think it's really healthy to just let go and play and leave behind self-consciousness sometimes. I think before kids develop self-consciousness they feel more like they ARE the world rather than just an observer of it. That's why they act so freely, or to adults rather foolishly/randomly. They aren't mindful of how they come off to others, they're just out there enjoying the world outside of the self.

        I hope you're doing OK :)

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  • thefuckup

    Everyone is a fucked up in every possible way.People that say they are not are just overconfident cunts.

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  • JeanKirchstein

    I think it is totally normal to experience these sort of feelings towards yourself, if you feel intimidated by other people's appearances then you should really consider thinking about The positive of your beauty and what you admire like most about yourself, and more importantly don't think about other people feel about you or it will ruin your self confidence

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  • wistfulmaiden

    We all are in the gutter but some of us are looking up at the stars. OW

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  • Arm0se

    I got 99 problems, all of them school.

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  • Tommythecat.

    I really think people get most of these disorders due to the fact that they're told they exist. What is all caused by a simple depressive problem morphs into 6 different "conditions". Peeps are over medicated and made to feel these things psychosomatically through all the fear mongering pharmaceutical companies.

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  • pixie44

    Go talk to someone and get on medication.

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