Is it normal i feel like my parent is ungrateful

9 Comments

I feel like no matter what I do, my parent is ungrateful. I try to be supportive emotionally, financially, and more and yet they find little things that I do or don't do as signs that I don't love them or that I'm being selfish. Like I just spent hours helping them with something and because I didn't cook some food the way they like it that means I wasn't thinking of them and being selfish. It get's tiring trying to prove my love and feeling like its never good enough. No relationship is perfect but is this normal???

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Comments ( 9 )
  • SkullsNRoses
    2 years ago

    Never beg someone to love you. It never works and only opens you up for manipulation.

    You need to take the reins here, they don’t like how you cook? They can cook their own food. They want to chew you out? They can pay their own way. If they don’t appreciate your support you can take it away.

    Some people will just wear us out if we give them the chance and sometimes those people are our relatives. People blindly glorify “doing anything for family” but in real life healthy boundaries are essential if you don’t want to get taken for a ride. Stop being a doormat, stop being a martyr and stop depending on your parents for your sense of self-worth. Take control.

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    2 years ago

    A lot of parents treat their kids like shit and think their kid owes them everything just because they created them. It's an unwarranted sense of entitlement. You don't owe them anything. If you live with them I suggest you secretly save some money on the side until you have enough to leave.

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    • LloydAsher
      2 years ago

      Your kid isnt your servant. It's your kid, and investment. Having them hate you wont go far after they can make their own legal decisions.

      To love your kid is both the logical and ethical thing to do.

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  • Boojum
    2 years ago

    Have a look at the following link. I suspect you might feel like a light is going on in your head as you read.

    https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/communication-success/201602/10-signs-narcissistic-parent

    Unfortunately, parents who are narcissistic to some degree are very common. If you feel that your parent's behaviour fits this pattern, Googling will result in you finding lots of advice on how you can best deal with them.

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  • [Old Memory]
    2 years ago

    Lol I get that. My ex adopted step dad (I need a better name) he always wanted his steak well done and unless it was burnt he would always ask for it to be put back on the grill, always

    He bought meat thermometers and I used them and even though they registered >180 for 15 seconds he'd want them back on. You know those juices that searing keeps in? He'd want it all gone. Then he started complaining about them being burnt. My steak was always cold by the time he got his charred meat

    I was basically a servant for him, my checks were deposited in his account, couldn't ask for anything more than Cheetos from the store, I couldn't do anything or go out, I always got errands he didn't wanna do

    I worked a third shift job for a while, getting off at 7am and every day he'd be trying to wake me up before noon "I need you to mow the lawn, brew some tea, wash my car"

    I was constantly told I was lazy, he always put me down for not being able to have "adult conversation" with him, he treated me like I was helpless, like I was a leech, never did anything with me except fishing which he knew I don't like touching worms or fish and he'd complain I only liked to reel them in

    Before I turned ten and started moving from home to home he was great. Every summer would be a cross country vacation (he taught) we would go to the flea market, drive those little cars with the plug in controller, we'd go to the boardwalk and play video games and claw machines, enjoy the beach, eat zeppalis, have picnics, go to cool towns for the day. That was with my mother and before he adopted me though

    As soon as he adopted me and I moved in, everything stopped and I was told we were moving a million miles away. That's when everything else above started. I couldn't take him, stand to be around him. He always thought he was right, he would quote movies and shit to throw his weight around

    There was one time he was like "somebody told me I don't spend any time with my boy, well that's gonna change!" We went to a steak house with a girl he was trying get in to and that was that

    Constantly threatened to kick me out, did so a few times, always enjoyed looming over me like I had to have him support me

    I really couldn't take it. I'm glad I'm on my own and making my own decisions now. It's a lot of work but at least things make sense

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    • [Old Memory]
      2 years ago

      He'd also sit in his chair like it was his throne and do his best to sit in it all day, and sleep on the adjoining couch even though he spent thousands on furniture for a bedroom upstairs he never slept in because his big 60 inch TV was in the basement

      He'd like sit there all reclined and talk like walder fray from game of thrones

      And that's another thing, I would have loved to watch that show as it came out but he ruined it for me because I couldn't have a cable box in my room even though when I lived with him before I turned ten I did and he said download the HBO app but he never gave me the login info and he would show me random ass episodes, I think to feel like a mental giant and throw shade at me or something

      If I was gonna watch it, it would be beginning to end. I hate spoilers, how would anything mean anything if the shock of progression was ruined

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      • [Old Memory]
        2 years ago

        And I tried talking to him about things, but anytime he heard something he didn't like he would say I'm being argumentative or ungrateful, he would end the discussion, and then he would ground me or something stupid, like he let me do shit to begin with

        It was literally exhausting, mentally and emotionally draining to be around him. He started throwing it around about what a great guy he was for adopting me "what man would adopt someone who wasn't their own kid" and he started that months after he adopted 14 year old me.

        His daughters stopped contact with him, like shortly after he got with my mother. I kinda remember one of them giving me an Elmo. He blamed their mother, I blame his behavior

        One of his sons kept telling him it was a mistake to adopt me, the other one didn't really talk to him much at all I think

        Just about every relationship I've seen him has failed mostly on his part, but his type also happened what gold diggers and such present as, and I'm sure it made him feel good to support a gold digger, he's 70 year old boomer at this point, in his mind he's such a big man spending all this money on other women and their families and his family life was falling apart on Walmart and goodwill, but let's spend fifty dollars every couple weeks to get his girl some nails and more for tanning, let's get her daughters tooth pulled when my wisdom teeth were already in

        Another thing, such a fucking hassle just to have a dental check up at like fifteen. I've seen a dentist twice since 13, once then at 15 the second a few months ago. But this woman just asked once got it done. He kicked her out and brought her back a few times, he knew she was talking to other men, he didn't care. It's like he knew what they were doing and maybe he thought he was coming out ahead, but I know my own mother caused him to go bankrupt from running his cards up.

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        • [Old Memory]
          2 years ago

          I remember fishing with him a lot when I lived with my aunt, 10-13 range, and even a little before. We talked about frogs a few times. He baited my line or we had pellet things. He still had to unhook the fish, which wasn't often since I wasn't very good at casting. Sometimes he'd let me reel his in. It was at this farm that had catfish and rainbow trout ponds, not industrial at all.

          We used to have visits back when I lived with my aunt. They started with him and my mother, and then they were separate. People seemed surprised if they found out I had visits with him still after they separated, but to me he was always my dad. He was around before I was two. The first time I found out he "wasn't really my dad" was when him and my mother were arguing and he grabbed my arm and said his blood is not in my veins. Then I started asking my mother why everyone's last name was different. I think she cried. It just never made sense, we were a family.

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          • Boojum
            2 years ago

            Jeez, dude!

            I'm sure you realise this, but absolutely everything you say about the guy screams 'Narcissist!'

            Any guy who had a man like that as the most significant male figure in his life will find it difficult to overcome all the crap he had shoved into his head. I wish you well with that.

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