Is it normal i feel so ugly without makeup i hate myself

Today I met with a friend for the first time in over 2 years due to the distance and ive been sick all week (not covid) so I did not feel like putting so much makeup on my eyes and irritate them. Ever since I was 14 ive worn eyeliner all the time. My mom saw me she said "are you not wearing makeup? put on some..." and always with comments like that even though shes told me at othr times I dont need makeup so clearly thats a lie because if I dont she comments on it. One easter she even got pissed because I refused to wear makeup so I feel very ugly.
Sometimes my eyes get irritated I still put eyeliner and I feel conflicted. Its been a statement for me I express myself with my style but truth is I am too obsessed what people think and thats the number 1 reason because I care what people think like the last job I had I stopped wearing eyeliner for a week and manager kept asking me if im sick or tired.....
I look young as well people mistake me for high schoolers, it is frustrating since whos gonna interact with a teenager 😒
I have long eyelashes so my eyes should be fine but I feel it looks very empty without eyeliner and I look gross.
I love women who dont wear makeup they are much cooler like naturally cool. Some say women without makeup look plain but I think they seem comfortable and confident so they are stunning not to mention they are denying the trend of stuff like enormous fake eyelashes blocky eyebrows and intense contour which is cool but I feel disgusting and ugly. I am sick of lipstick the most I bought one months ago which is nice but very bright and I hate the feeling of lipstick it feels chalky or plain uncomfortable and im worried about smudging it and lately I really started missing lipgloss which feels nicer and I was obsessed with it as a teen and it smells amazing but I choose lipstick to look mature. I am sick of this but I dont want to be ugly so what can I do