Is it normal i find my grandma slightly annoying?

76% Normal

I’ll try to put this as nicely as I can, but at the same time I’m going to be brutally honest. I was worried about my grandma moving in after my grandpa died, and admittedly it wasn’t as bad as I thought, but she still does a few things that can get a bit annoying.

She’s in her 80s, and her hearing isn’t that great. There’s times where I’m trying to talk to my mom and she starts talking right after me, and my mom often gives me a look like “you have to get used to it.” But probably the worst problem that arises from this is that she farts at times, and I assume she has no idea because I never once heard her say “excuse me.”

Another thing, I don’t think she understands when she’s distracting me. A lot of times she comes to tell me things when I’m reading a book or on my phone, and it’s usually things she’s already told me multiple times. She also tries telling my mom about things in the newspaper even though my mom has explained to her that she can find those things online. I don’t blame her, but what’s funny is she often complains about people treating her likes she’s senile, even though she’s shown signs of forgetting things numerous times.

This may all be minor things, and I will admit she has done some good things for me (like getting me a laptop) but it can get tedious hearing her repeat the same things over and over and having to raise your voice to talk to her. You may think I’m being selfish, but even my mom has told me that she’s driving her crazy (funnily enough my grandma has said that EXACT same thing about my mom!) and even though she’s mostly quiet, it would be nice to finally be alone after a while, but No matter how many times my mom tells her things she can do outside she never wants to leave.

I guess it’s not a big deal, but I just want to know how get used to this, because I don’t want to be a mean person, but I tend to get annoyed easily.

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76% Normal

Based on 17 votes (13 yes)

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Comments ( 11 )

charli.m

5 years ago | pl

Yes, it is difficult.

But.

Think of it from her perspective. She has lost her husband. She has lost her home and independence if she's had to move in with you. She has lost her mobility, most likely. She's probably in a lot of pain. She is probably in some stage of dementia and either unaware of it or in denial.

This is how life goes. One day, that will be your mother in her position. One day it will be you.

You're 18, IIRC, and obviously quite sheltered. I'm not saying that as an insult, just you seem used to having everything how it suits you. That's not how life works.

I live with my mother and grandmother. I help my mother care for my grandmother. She is 88. She has lost a lot of her independence in the last few years: her licence, her mobility, her bladder control, her ability to shower independently. Her hearing is shit. You get asked to repeat yourself incessantly and it takes yelling to get to a volume she can hear...then she gets upset that you "yelled at her". She speaks in a low voice sometimes while walking away from you and gets pissed off that you didn't hear her. I got told the same thing five times in a 20min conversation the other day, because she forgot she'd told me. I hear the same stories over and over almost daily. And her Alzheimer's isn't really all that bad, really. She broke her hip early this year, which is often a death sentence dor someone her age. We are so lucky to still have her, even if she is maddening. She's also my grandmother who raised me. And a human being.

It's frustrating, sure. But she cannot control any of this. She's not doing it to annoy me (in fact, none of that annoys me much. The things we have issues about are the same old things we've had issues about my entire life. The old person stuff is relatively inconsequential). Your grandmother is not trying to annoy you.

I'm sorry, but you're just going to have to realise that not everything is about you. I dont think it's intentional, but you sound immature for your age. You have a lot of growing up to do. I know that's not easy, but that's life.

Look at this as a way to develop your empathy, compassion and patience.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  5 years ago
  
  I hope that’s not the way I came off, because I was really trying to find ways to get used to it. One thing to keep in mind is I sometimes use the internet as a place to vent, and when I’m done I usually feel better, so it may look bad because it’s mostly stuff I wrote at a bad time. I’m also 19, but I don’t think that makes much of a difference.
  
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  - charli.m
    
    5 years ago
    
    I'm sure you didn't. You don't sound like a bad person, and it's obviously a big adjustment for you...but I think you really do need to just suck it up and accept it.
    
    I just spent an hour explaining my grandmother's cheque account balance to her. One. Fucking. Hour. I could scream. Not at her, though. She's an 88 year old with Alzheimer's who has been bullied into work she can't afford to have done on the house that could have easily waited til next year. We asked them to not ask her about it til next year and the workman/salesman went out of his way to ensure she was asked about it and she got scared into accepting.
    
    Congrats, Omega. You managed to fleece and severely distress an 88 year old pensioner with Alzheimer's and a bad heart, just before Christmas. Great job.
    
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  - Anonymous Post Author
    
    5 years ago
    
    Another thing I should probably mention is that her and our whole family had a bit of an odd reaction to our grandpa’s death. We cried initially, but later on it felt normal, like we weren’t as sad as we thought. We had lots of time to prepare for it, and even she’s told me that she sees pictures of him and doesn’t feel anything. Maybe we’re all in some weird stage of denial.
    
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    - Boojum
      
      5 years ago
      
      There's no set pattern for grieving the loss of a loved one, and the emotions experienced can be very complicated. For example, if the person who has died was elderly and had been in poor health for a long time, people can experience a sense of relief that they no longer have to deal with watching them suffer, and then they feel guilty about that.
      
      You say you had lots of time to prepare for your grandfather's death. I suspect you and your family did a lot of you grieving and processing of the fact he was going to go long before he did.
      
      If you were to suddenly drop dead, I'm sure that would be much more traumatic for your family and their reaction would be completely different.
      
      Death is a fact of life, and the only unhealthy way to grieve is to get locked into the process and not be able to move on.
      
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    - charli.m
      
      5 years ago
      
      I think that's probably fairly normal, particularly with someone elderly and if it was a slow decline.
      
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SwickDinging

5 years ago

Yeah it's normal for old people to act like this.

She doesn't want to live with you either. She would rather be in her own house and have her own space which she is used to, but she's too old to look after herself. It's really sad but it happens all the time.

She raised your mum and now your mum has to look after her like she's a baby. My heart goes out to her. My heart also goes out to you because I know how fucking annoying it is to live with an elderly person. Just grin and bear it OP. Best of luck to you and your family x

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leggs91200

5 years ago

It does take a lot of patience to deal with an older person.
It does not matter how old you are, it is going to be annoying either way.

I would say you probably handle it better than I could.
Younger adults like yourself have a bit more patience.

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BlindSpot

5 years ago

Most family members are annoying. Just bear in mind that life is short. For everyone, not just your grandmother. A little patience, tolerance and kindness can go a long way. Think of it as an exercise for building your patience and tolerance towards others which will be useful to you in other settings when you are older. It takes a trained mind to look past the wall of thorn bushes and see the roses in others.

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LornaMae

5 years ago

TL;DR = grandmas CAN be annoying.

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rocketdave

4 years ago

Wait till she gets older and a real problem!

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal i find my grandma slightly annoying?