Is it normal i have such a negative view of parenthood?

74% Normal

I myself am only 20 and I’m dead-set on NEVER having children! I honestly cannot remember the last time I saw my mother happy. Every time I see her she always has something to complain about, and it just makes me think “why would ANYONE want to be a parent if this is the result?” If I hear someone say they’re having a kid, I keep my opinion to myself, but inside I’m not thinking “congratulations!” I’m thinking “God I’m so sorry!”

And here’s the thing: I do know there’s good aspects to having kids. I actually did consider having some myself, but I’m too much of a realist to take the risk. The carefree kiddy stage can only last so long, and I don’t have enough patience for this. Even taking care of our new dog is enough to stress me out, no way can I take care of a human for 18+ years!

To be frank, my mother’s pessimism combined with my impatience is enough to make me stay away from being a parent, and it really makes me wonder why people even want to have kids in the first place. The pros really don’t seem to outweigh the cons IMHO.

Voting Results

74% Normal

Based on 23 votes (17 yes)

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Comments ( 10 )

Boojum

4 years ago

It's a valid point of view and there's a lot of logic in what you say. Still, peoples' opinions on such things often change with the passage of time, and it's just possible that you might find yourself with a good partner in five, ten or fifteen years time, and having a child might turn out to be just what you want then.

Some mothers are miserable because they've had children, and that's pretty screwed up. Not only does it mean that they don't enjoy life as much as they might, their child or children constantly get the message as they grow up that they're not really wanted.

But of course some people are just generally miserable, and some parents blame their unhappiness on their children, while the truth is that they're just negative, critical, and unhappy people.

As long as you are equipped emotionally and financially to support a child, having one is as much a valid choice as not having one. Be aware, however, that there are all sorts of subtle social pressures on women to have children, and also be prepared for your friendships with people to fundamentally change or wither away when they have kids.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  I’m a man btw
  
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  - Boojum
    
    4 years ago
    
    I admit that I did assume you were a woman. I guess because it's more accepted that men aren't wild about the idea of having kids, while that attitude is less common for women and so more likely to be something they'd ask about here.
    
    I don't think you being a guy makes me want to change anything in my reply. I suppose I could add that you should make your views on kids clear to any women you become seriously involved with early on, but I'm sure you already know that. You might also bear in mind that lots of women believe they can change their men, so you need to be sure they truly understand that this is a non-negotiable thing for you. And, like I said, you also need to consider that many women feel increasing pressure to have a child as the years pass, so while a woman might be fine with the idea of being childless when she's 21, that might not still be the case ten years down the line.
    
    Still, there are women who feel very strongly that they never want to have kids when they're young and that attitude never changes, so there are women out there who would be very happy to learn that being a daddy isn't anywhere on your list of things you want to do.
    
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bigbudchonga

4 years ago

I remember a survey from some commercial business that reckoned stay at home mothers were the happiest of both sexes in any profession. I particularly liked the survey because for a number of factors it seemed like they were coming from a really non-bias objective place.

I think a lot of people don't want kids, and I'm sure a lot of people would be happier without them, but a hell of a lot of people are happier with them, and it must be an awful regret for a lot of people who later want it. I would freeze some eggs from your fertile years in case you change your mind later so you don't end up in that situation.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  4 years ago
  
  For more context, my mom is a single mother. My dad died when I was two months old.
  
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  - bigbudchonga
    
    4 years ago
    
    Oh, I'm sorry to hear that, do you think your mother might have depression, or do you think the burden of being a single mother was just a lot of stress for her?
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      4 years ago
      
      I can’t tell but I think it’s the latter
      
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      - bigbudchonga
        
        4 years ago
        
        I would really recommend buying her a card or a box of chocolates out of the blue, mum's that shit, it really makes ther day, and it doesn't cost more than a few quid.
        
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SmokeEverything

4 years ago

Yeah kids are terrible. I honestly can't imagine how anyone could have a kid to deal with and possibly be happy about it. They're annoying, loud, dirty, really there's nothing good at all about them. I think a lot of it is people get knocked up by accident and don't want to admit that part, or the part that they hate their kid, so they go on this fake stuff about "oh being a parent is so wonderful" so nobody thinks they're a piece of shit.

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Ellenna

4 years ago

If that's how you feel, please don't have any children!

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Are You Normal?

Is it normal i have such a negative view of parenthood?