Is it normal i like when women erode my grasp on reality?

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The term 'gaslighting' refers to a type of psychological abuse in which the parent, partner, or anyone will repeatatively misrepresent truth often in subtle almost subliminal ways as a way to gain power.

The lies are often unclear and consist more of reacting in unusual ways and being very inconsistent and unclear intentionally about expectations.

Over time this can cause the abused partner to doubt their own thoughts as they are constantly being told up is down. And this can cause permanent psychological harm.

Edit: this is not due to me not being able to do better. As I have literal pornstars (empathetic ones) that enjoy flirting in DMs with me explicitly knowing I won't send them money. I also have slept with and turned down beautiful compassionate women.

But these relationships intimidate me and make me uncomfortable and feel frustrated guilty and confused. While I would also say these femme fatale women who gaslight also make me feel those things it is different because I know emotional connection with them is impossible. Because I know I can't truly connect and they will always slip away I find that so attractive for what I find myself capable of.

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Based on 5 votes (1 yes)
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Comments ( 4 )
  • Countess_Kittycat
    6 years ago

    I don't think it's normal, but it can be a normal reaction to a troubled background. Perhaps you were abused a lot in the past? Many who were may feel uncomfortable in normal relationships they don't trust, and may only find reward in situations where they are abused in some way. I have felt like that several times in the past as well, but I believe you should look for help.

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    • rayb12
      6 years ago

      I wouldn't consider myself as abused. I respect that word to reserve it for those that have experienced endlessly worse scenarios.
      However there weren't clear rules or boundaries in my house. So my first emotional bonds (with my parents) were ones when I was never sure how they would react to my behavior. And were also so emotional and emotionally unaware it felt scary. But their sadness and rage never materialized into physical or verbal abuse. But yeah I never felt like my thoughts or models of reality I was attempting to build held any weight.

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      • Countess_Kittycat
        6 years ago

        I think your reaction is still normal according to your description. I may be wrong, but you sound like you grew up without feeling you were really cared for, and that usually has some of the same effects on many people that lifelong abuse does.

        I really think you should look for help, but, to be honest, I relate to your story to a great extent. I have also maintained abusive relationships in the past and fallen out of relatively normal ones, though in my case I was usually looking for ways of making my abusive partner feel vulnerable and then ending our relationship. I felt great in freeing myself from them, and, if they were abusive to me, I also felt nice to some extent in making them miserable before leaving. Personally, I believe these kinds of relationship are really unhealthy, though, so I usually try to avoid them now.

        Deep down I would like to have a caring relationship, but I feel your pain. I don't know what kind of healthy relationship I would be able to trust and feel rewarded from, and I don't have a lot of hope of finding one. I generally feel detached or annoyed by people I try to connect with, and sex and caresses don't give me pleasure, so it generally ends up being a low-benefit situation for me until the very end. Right now I don’t think I would enjoy hurting an abusive partner either, though, so I have been currently avoiding relationships altogether for some time.

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  • rayb12
    6 years ago

    To describe the 'cared for' piece would take to long but I suppose ultimately there is truth in that. In that I never knew when the 'empathy' would vanish again. And I suppose also it was more feelings of smothering I received than 'care'. And felt guilty for care I did get.

    I also do the same thing with the breaks. The one girl I was seeing who I really allowed to get to me, I ultimately lied to her friend saying I wished to make things right with her. Then I spoke with this girl and asked her to apologize for the harm she's caused me and when she asked about making up I told her how that was never my plan. I haven't spoken to her since. She was never properly my gf but still. I had another partner who I wouldn't characterize as abusive but we both weren't the best to each other, and would argue a lot. With her I told her I loved her and when she said she didn't love me I broke up with her immediately and cut off contact. Then a month later she told me she loved me but was afraid to say and I fucked her again and then broke up with her again.

    I've been talking online with another girl now and have had temptations to pull a similar maneuver, but I also don't want to hurt them anymore or at least realize these girls have worst pasts than me.

    I also met someone else a few months ago and felt we really connected but it was just a few days, I remember also feeling a deep connection with the girl I let get to me, so I am wary.

    I definitely have my turn ons, but yeah sex and caresses aren't really them for me

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