Is it normal i really don't like my husband as a person?

21% Normal
10 Comments

I need to get this off my chest.
For the last maybe 10 years I think I've disliked my husband more and more. I'm not perfect but he is a belligerent angry sort who is racist and homophobic and loves to blame and belittle me and complain every chance he gets.
What really set me off is I watched a documentary about women in Africa and how many of them have problems with childbirth and obstetric care. He said it's all their own fault for being " shitty and barbaric culture" and we shouldn't try to help them with money or aid. He also says I shouldn't volunteer because it's a waste of time.
He also hates gays trans etc and is generally racist. He always looks to blame others for his anger whether driving, at work at home etc. When I get mad at him he says I'm crazy or not right in the head. He claims he's not a bad person because he works and supports us(I work too) and " put up with me when I went crazy"(depression).
If I were financially stable I'd have left years ago. I gave zero interest in sex of course if I do it's just so he doesn't nope and whine.
Are there a lot of you who dislike their spouse but don't leave for whatever reason? Please be honest.

Voting Results
21% Normal
Based on 14 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 10 )
  • JellyBeanBandit
    1 year ago | pl

    I guess it's normal that you don't like him, but not normal that you're married to someone you don't like.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      He slowly got worse over time he wasn't as negative when we dated

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  • howaminotmyself
    1 year ago | pl

    I am sorry you are going through this. I have moments with my husband where we disagree, but he doesnt insult me or make me feel guilty for the things I want. And certainly wouldn't make me feel like I owed him something for taking care of you, that's what you are supposed to do as a spouse. He sounds extremely selfish and unsupportive. If you feel like he is holding you back from being you, his past support is meaningless. Be strong and and try to find what you truly want. Who are you?

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  • Cuntsiclestick
    1 year ago

    There had to be something you saw in him for you to marry him, but if you truly think the relationship is irreparable, save up some money so you can leave. There's no point in staying with someone you can't stand to be around.

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  • (s)aint
    1 year ago

    You have to find a way to leave.
    Staying for financial reasons isn't fair to either of you.
    If you want to make it work, make it work.

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  • Curiouskitten444
    1 year ago

    If you're thinking about leaving him look into women's shelters, have an emerge bag with all your ID,meds and important documents. Get your non replaceable things to a safe place. Then keep yourself safe.

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  • 1WeirdGuy
    1 year ago

    I would never leave my wife for any reason. The grass isnt always greener on the other side. It sounds like he has a stable job and is a good provider. Idk how bad the arguments are but every couple is gonna argue especially if you live together. He was loyal to you when you were sick. He probably could have ditched you and got another girl. And from what you write about him it doesnt sound like you are very appreciative of him at all for what hes done.

    And there is truth to what he's saying about Africa btw idk which part of Africa it was but some parts they literally cannibalize eachothers children while the kids are still alive. Part of the problem is they rely on handouts and have never been able to get industry going because anyone with a high IQ the west takes so the smart people leave and no one is there to develope the countries. I dont want to bore you with a 20 page rant so Ill stop. But hes probably right about what hes saying even if its mean.

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    • howaminotmyself
      1 year ago

      I always find it curious when people pick one example and use it to define an entire continent. Political manipulation is ugly and blaming people with high IQs for leaving is just another example of misplaced blame.

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  • kikilizzo
    1 year ago

    Well you must have married him for a reason. Obviously you agree with his views to some extent as I highly doubt he out of nowhere started to express such hateful and bitter opinions. I think you should leave and this is why I would never share a bank account even if I get married or let a man pay for my life ever, it gives them control.
    Too late to avoid that now but you should separate and find a way to take care of yourself even if it's a shit job.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      1 year ago

      He was never vocal about these opinions when he dated. He says his jobs made him more bitter, racist etc but I'm the one has to deal with it

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