Is it normal if i'm scared to be single forever cause i'm dumb?

77% Normal
24 Comments

I know I'm slow which why I can be reserved because I just fear of making a fool out of myself. I wish I can get smarter like fat people getting skinnier. I'm not bright. I am smart like in terms of not doing stupid things that would lead to a bad reputation but other than that, I feel like I'm naive and a noob. I've only worked a few jobs but haven't worked for the past 2-3 years so I feel like I lack doing simple tasks. I'm 22 years old but definitely don't feel like it nor look like it. I can say I am attractive though, I'm not ugly. I feel like I haven't transformed into the adult stage yet mind wise and look wise. I also have a bad memory and a learning disability which as contributed why I can be slow. With all that, I fear of no one ever liking me or wanting to be with me. My recent guy I've been seeing does look at me like a dumb person and I feel like that has been the main factor why he's not more interested in being in an official relationship. It sucks and yeah I don't blame him. Who wants to be with someone who is dumb? He's really smart, both street smart and book smart, and I am neither. I get scared I might say something extremely retarded (already have many times) so I hold back. He says he is attracted and crazy about my personality so I'm like okay can that be enough? But nothing about my intelligence. He was finding it hard to believe that I was also graduating with him. He wouldn't say it straight up but I know thats what he would be thinking during some obvious moments. Hell be like "i give you one task and you cant do it" sarcastically but we both know I cant do sh*t. Sometimes I do think i am mentally retarded and feel like saying that to him and everyone else I meet so they don't judge me. Actually, I kind of want to get diagnosed now. Whats funny is one of my best gfs is also very very slow, slower than me, but I think she is "special ed" like it is known so it looks like people accept her and move on. Not sure though where I stand but I do fear of being alone forever cause of my lack of intelligence and not just in terms of a relationship but also friendships. Who wants to hang out with someone who's dumb?

Voting Results
77% Normal
Based on 44 votes (34 yes)
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Comments ( 24 )
  • LaughinSkull
    9 years ago

    The thing is we really don't know a whole lot about the brain to determine what "Intelligence" is. And often, even when we see people with certain mental disabilities they can often do amazing things with their brain (like that one person who can look at New York from a chopper and draw the whole view down to every detail from one glance).

    The thing is, brilliance comes in all shapes and sizes. We like to say people who are scientists or good at math are geniuses, but it's not just book smarts. Creativity, musical talent, philosophy, writing, and even being crazy, all comes from the mind and it's all equally impressive.

    I am a neuroscientist and I can tell you everyone is smart in their own way. Remember this world was built by people who are no smarter than you :).

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    • CalciteQueen
      9 years ago

      You're a neuroscientist? On IIN?

      Shit, that's a mindblower.

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      • Tommythecat.
        9 years ago

        A neuroscientist on IIN.

        *makes wanking motion with hand

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Everything you said is true. If it wasn't for society, I wouldn't feel so pressured and depressed about my lack of intelligence. But because we live in this nutshell, its hard to remind people everyday about what matters the most. People are aware of these things, but once we get out of our homes and join society, its all forgotten and its back to trying to make through this life until we get back home in our comfort zones and be okay with ourselves. I don't feel bad about myself when I am by myself in my room. I love myself and see a great person. But then societys reality kicks in and I start feeling like oh yeah I'm not that great. This also leads to how I can be antisocial as well. I don't like dealing w people sometimes its just so messy and confuses me. I rather stay away and not expose myself.

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      • noid
        9 years ago

        You sound intelligent enough to me. You express yourself well.

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      • thegypsysailor
        9 years ago

        The is this saying, which might help you put things in perspective, "In this world one can be oh so clever, or oh so nice. It is so much easier to be nice."
        You really need to stop looking at yourself as stupid or less intelligent than others, and focus on your more positive points.
        Anyway, common sense trumps intelligence a thousand times over, so really, stop stressing about that which you cannot change.

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      • LaughinSkull
        9 years ago

        @ CalciteQueen, yes I found this site a few years ago and go to it every now and then, it is interesting to see what people are afraid of, the weird things they do when they're alone, and how much everyone tries to be "normal".

        @ OP, don't feel pressured by society to do anything. Love yourself for who you are and find the things you are passionate about and love doing. When you do that, everything else will fall into place (people who love the same things you do, like you for who you are, and generally will care about you).

        When I was in high school I slacked off and did nothing. I hated the world and the people I was around. I ditched class, got bad grades, and even got transferred to different schools and barely graduated. After working for a year at a dead end retail job it hit me: I needed to build something. I wanted to show something for my life at the end of it, that I made the world a better place after I had passed, and I felt the only way I could do that was with something crazy. If I failed, at least I tried. Since then I worked out everyday, became a skilled computer programmer, and went back to school at a local community college and rocked a 3.7 GPA after all the classes I took (which took about 3.5 years to complete all the chemistry, calculus, biology, and general ed) and then I got accepted into UCSD. Now I am around all sorts of cool people who love the things I love and I've made more friends in the last 5 years than in the 19 before that.

        But there was a time when I felt I was dumb, good for nothing, people judged me, and I wasn't going to fit anywhere in society. But then I changed it.

        Sometimes, it is as simple as that :). You can do anything you set your mind to.

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    • EccentricWeird
      9 years ago

      Oh really, when do you graduate?

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      • LaughinSkull
        9 years ago

        I have a year left, then it's off to graduate school!

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        • EccentricWeird
          9 years ago

          Okay, so you're not a "neuroscientist", you're a neurology undergraduate. That's a pretty goddamn far cry away.

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          • LaughinSkull
            9 years ago

            Actually no, they have neuroscience undergraduate degrees too. Most of the top schools do.

            Plus, neurology is actually a slightly different field than neuroscience, being a medical degree.

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            • EccentricWeird
              9 years ago

              Okay.

              You're a "neuroscience" undergraduate, not a "neuroscientist", you haven't worked day one in the field.

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  • disthing
    9 years ago

    You sound of at least average intelligence.

    Which means your intellect is not an obstacle in the way of you finding love.

    You are, however, lacking in confidence, which is probably the singular biggest obstacle in learning to accept the biological hand you've been dealt.

    We can't all be good at everything, we can't all be exceptionally smart or a vault of fascinating and practical information.

    Get over your pre-occupation with your own intellectual capacity and get on with life. You have a guy who is interested in you - be flattered and take that as a sign you have enough redeeming qualities to make up for your flaws.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    You're overthinking it. Everyone has things they are good and bad at. I have a learning disability too but I'm also genius at the same time.

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    Two of my favorite quotes come to mind:

    "Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true.”
    ~ George Bernard Shaw

    “Everybody is a genius. But, if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it’ll spend its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
    ~ Albert Einstein

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  • TrustMeImLying
    9 years ago

    you have a major inferiority complex. why? I have no idea. you're well spoken, have a great personality, and you're graduating at 22. if all that stuff doesn't make you a "catch" and smart then I don't know what does

    And I just realized in your entire description there's not one instance where he has told you straight up that you're dumb. you're getting this from his "looks," and his sarcasm, which could easily be some boyish flirting. quit mind-reading and enjoy your relationship!

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Yeah he has called me a "dumb bitch" before when he was mad. I know he really meant it. He doesn't really get me involved with activities with his friends or family. I think cause he's embarrassed by me. Its like asking "do you think I'm dumb?" Then as soon as he starts answering I'll be like "wait...actually do I really wanna know this?"

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      • DaMan
        9 years ago

        woooowwwww, this post has revealed sooooo much to me. I used to always call a girl i was seeing a dummy and it would make her really insecure. She would say to me aswell "I'm not smart" and I would say little jokes like I could never be in a relationship soo dumb.....I never thought that it could actually be upsetting her. But like her, your probably not dumb just abit clumsy as most ppl are. + Your abilitiy to work a 9-5 is no reflection on your intelligence honey.

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  • Freedom_
    9 years ago

    Don't worry, we're all a bunch of dumb shits. Even the smart ones. We're all dumb at some things. Focus on the positives. Also keep in mind that public education rarely does the mind any justice.

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  • [Old Memory]
    9 years ago

    You say you are afraid of being single but you have a guy that you are seeing? Do you come from a fairly large city or small town?

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      9 years ago

      Large city. I'm seeing him but like I said I think he is hesitating to be with me in an official relationship because I'm not that smart. So I'm still single even if I'm seeing him.

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