Is it normal if we make fun of our situation?

67% Normal

So me and my bf first started seeing each other then gradually became more serious. However, we never actually made it official and it's mainly cause of him. I was all for being in a relationship with him but he was always hesitant because he said he didn't want a relationship at the moment yet he did like me. So ever since, it's been confusing because I know he is into me and likes me but he just doesn't have any desire to commit to me. Plus, the fact that I'm still hanging around makes it seem like he doesn't have to commit in order to be with me. Well one of the things we share most in common is our sense of humor. So in a way I poke fun at our situation meaning I make fun of how we're not official. Specifically I like to send him memes that poke fun like the guy hiding her or couples who are unofficial etc. I find them so funny and ironically relatable. He loves them and has mentioned how Im one of the few to make him laugh really hard when he's the one who makes everyone laugh. I don't know if by me making fun of it makes the situation worse. It might be making him comfortable with our status or think I'm fine with it. Ideally I would think he actually likes how I can have a sense of humor about it and see that I'm someone he should settle with or at least make him like me more. Am I just making it worse by making fun of the situation? Should I Just stop?

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67% Normal

Based on 15 votes (10 yes)

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Comments ( 6 )

RoseIsabella

7 years ago

I think you're trying to make light of an uncomfortable situation, but please do keep your options open since he's not able to commit. You never know you just might meet someone better. It's possible that your unofficial boyfriend may very well be messin with your head and wasting your time. Poking fun at this might allow him to think it's okay. I dunno if it's entirely okay with you or not, but if he hasn't committed don't take him too seriously.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Yeah I am but I genuinely find those jokes funny, it's weird. I think next time I show him something and he laughs I'm gonna ask him if he really thinks it's just funny or the joke is true. I'm not okay with it but I rather be with him than not be with him...we just get along really well, he just doesn't want a commitment right now. I don't see him messing with me as he is a good guy but yeah who knows...love is blind. So I'm guessing I should stop poking fun at it cause it might be making him think our situation is okay? When it's not?
  
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riffraffy

7 years ago

This post is the definitive example of the male and female dynamic—that is, a relationship. Let's talk about desires:

The guy desires sex from the girl. It's straightforward. Withholding sex or at least, not being 'easy' is how a girl increases her value.

The girl desires commitment from the guy. It's less straightforward. Withholding commitment and making his attention scarce increases his value.

Guys who give their attention freely are friendzoned, girls who give their sex freely are sluts.

I hope that clarifies the motivations between you and your 'bf'. I can't tell you that love is a game, but attraction is and attraction is certainly at the heart of love. Your 'bf' is currently in the lead.

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- Anonymous Post Author
  
  7 years ago
  
  Okay this pointed out some things but not directly my post about making fun of the situation. By you saying he's "in the lead" means I should stop making a joke out of our situation? I also realized this should make him see that I'm very aware of the situation and he's not playing me at all. I know where we stand so I'm not being walked all over on. But is making light of the situation decreasing my chances of getting serious with him? To be honest, I haven't had sex with him in a while which hopefully is making him think twice about commiting to me or not. He still likes talking to me and being with me so sex isn't all he wants but I'm sure he would like it.
  Btw, wanting to commit as a man wouldn't make me friend zone them especially him. I think in general you just get unlucky if the person you don't want wants to commit to you and vice versa.
  
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  - riffraffy
    
    7 years ago
    
    I'll try to address your question more specifically.
    
    Is being aware of and making light of your situation a bad thing?
    
    I don't think it ever hurts to be self-aware, even if it doesn't always help. My 'he is in the lead' zinger was made assuming you two were having sex regularly. Since you aren't my best guess is that he never intended a serious relationship with you.
    
    He's probably a decent guy, but you're not attractive enough for him. He's not going to dump you, he's going to string you along and try to let you go with as little drama as possible.
    
    My main point: when a guy is serious about a girl, she'll know.
    
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    - Anonymous Post Author
      
      7 years ago
      
      Yeah...I dont know it's weird. I think he makes a bunch of excuses and I make a bunch of excuses for him, too, but only cause I believe in him, I believe he is a good guy and he does like me. He's just not into having a relationship like hes been saying.
      
      We havent been having sex but he has brought it up so its not like hes okay not having sex or hes not that serious about me. He said hes a guy and of course hes gonna want sex but Im not giving it to him and I told him why and he just didn't respond much. that just told me he wants best of both worlds; he would love to be with me including sex and be free from being a real boyfriend but once I told him my reasons for not having sex with him, he kinda realized he cant have best of both worlds. So hes prob gonna go look for it somewhere else. However, he sticks around, too when he can find someone else. So hes not giving up which is where I get frustrated cause Im like well if you like me and like being with me then youre practically my bf just be my bf then but no, something about the title I guess hes not ready for.
      
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Are You Normal?

Is it normal if we make fun of our situation?