Is it normal my cousin is engaged at 22 and i’m freaked out

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33 Comments

This morning my mom found out through second hand gossip that my 22 year-old cousin just got engaged to his 21 year-old girlfriend and I seem to be the only person in the vicinity who thinks this is weird.

I’ll admit my feelings of shock and confusion are probably heightened by the fact that I too am 22. If I’m invited to the wedding I will be older than the bride.

I’ve never been in a “serious relationship” and I always assumed I would be amongst the last to get married, but I didn’t realise that at 22 the starting gun for “appropriate marriage age” had already fired!

Just 2 years ago my friend got married aged 20 and everyone was up in arms, but now a 21 and 22 year-old can be headed for holy matrimony and everyone’s just smiling, wishing them well and wondering why I’m raising an eyebrow?

Basically I feel like I went to bed last night too young to get married and woke up this morning feeling immature and behind the pack. Am I normal for feeling in shock?

Disclaimer- I realise it’s my cousin’s life and if this is what he wants I wish him the best, I just personally find it odd.

Voting Results
81% Normal
Based on 21 votes (17 yes)
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Comments ( 33 )
  • [Old Memory]
    4 years ago

    Everyone is under a false delusion that if they don't do the "" norm, an do what society says, then the sky will fall and all doom will prevail.. Don't be in to much of a hurry there bud.

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  • RoseIsabella
    4 years ago

    You will feel so much better if you learn to not compare yourself to other people.

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  • Ummitsstillme
    4 years ago

    I am terribly shocked and outraged your cousin is engaged to a non family member. Does this peasant even have any cattle?

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    • Nikclaire
      4 years ago

      He may have a goat or two

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  • LloydAsher
    4 years ago

    People can get happily married any time after 18 it's fine. I dont think about other people's potential problems it's not mine so who cares.

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  • SKDM007
    4 years ago

    people get engaged at 18, big deal

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      But at 18 it’s (generally) not accepted by the families. Everyone’s acting as if this is oh-so-wonderful when the girl is only 21.

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      • SKDM007
        4 years ago

        if its not a forced marriage or anything then why are you so concerned? your cousin clearly loves his fiance if he is shooting for marriage this early and theyve probably planned their lives out

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        • leggs91200
          4 years ago

          as Mike tyson said -
          Everyone has a plan til they get punched in the face.

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          • SKDM007
            4 years ago

            as michael jordan said "fuck them kids"

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            • leggs91200
              4 years ago

              oh yeah I remember that. The publicity thing about kids in third world nations working in sweat shops to make Jordans.

              Nike caught hell over that but don't most clothing and shoe companies do the same thing?

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  • JellyBeanBandit
    4 years ago

    I just have to say that was a really well written description, I feel the exact same way but I've never expressed it that well before. I agree with you 100% though, it's weird to get married at that age. They're barely out of school, I view them as basically children. Even people in their mid to late 20's getting married is weird to me. It just seems like a really mature old-person thing to do.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Thanks, I re-wrote it a few times! It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who finds this weird, just because it isn’t unheard of doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.

      One of my sisters actually just told me over dinner that after thinking about it she did find it a little odd that they’re so young. I suppose all I can do is hope my cousin and his fiancé are the minority for whom it works.

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  • Lestat565
    4 years ago

    Marriage is a joke. So much of what we believe about marriage is crap from the reason why the bride wears white to the very idea of love. It’s not rational at all to think that that person is your true love or that you will be any happier after you’ve permanently tied your life with them.

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    • [Old Memory]
      4 years ago

      Marriage is a joke, the concept of being “faithful” to just one partner is a joke, the very idea of love is a joke! Fuck as many as you can as often as you can!

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      • Lestat565
        4 years ago

        Yeah the whole idea that you should marry the one you love is a fairly new thing. For centuries you married who your father wanted you to. And love was seen as irrational and unneeded in a marriage. And statistics show that the more money you spend on your wedding the more likely it will end in divorce.

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        • leggs91200
          4 years ago

          I never knew that but interesting...
          I would imagine the reasoning behind that is - they expect more out of the marriage than what happens. Kind of like buying or investing in anything. If people spend a fortune, they expect the very best. Those who spend little assume it is not going to last anyways.
          Plus when things are going well in any situation (like the honeymoon phase of a relationship), people assume it will always get better.

          I think the reason people marry young is they do not know better yet. They haven't even been slapped by the real world yet.

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          • Lestat565
            4 years ago

            Yes I agree that these days young people marry because they don’t know any better but originally it was because they had a lower lifespan. If you were a a girl from a rich family for instance you had a higher lifespan then the guy you were married off too as women were in most cases not aloud to go to war or battle. So a lot of the time you would see little girls married off to men. But if both families were poor then you would have marriage where both were kids. Also the poor didn’t wear white dresses that was only for the rich.

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      • TheBlindInquisitor
        4 years ago

        While I don't disagree with you completely most people don't think that way.

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        • [Old Memory]
          4 years ago

          I agree that MOST don’t agree, but the number that do think that way is growing. I’ve been watching a series on cable called “Slutever”, and one of the last episodes dealt with the ever increasing numbers of those in open relationships, and the large number of bisexual males that are finally opening up about their sexuality. One of the premises was how much easier it is for female bisexuals (such as me) to find sex partners that will participate in open relationships involving both genders. I know I’m in the minority, but I think nudity and open sex should become the norm, not the exception!

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          • Lestat565
            4 years ago

            I agree that nudity and sex should be more open. I say fuck who you want to fuck as long as it’s not hurting anyone who cares. And slut shaming should end. I would gladly take a fun slut over a boring good girl any day.

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          • Anonymous Post Author
            4 years ago

            Well this has veered off topic, but I’ll have a watch of Slutever if I can find it online.

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  • BleedingPain
    4 years ago

    You are subcontiously unaware that you are actually jealous that its not you getting married. Sure you think you will be last to get married, but each time someone else does first, it further lowers your self esteem.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      You could say I’m jealous of this as a display of maturity, independence and control over his life.

      I’m not jealous of the marriage itself though, at my age the thought of tying myself to someone is still horrifying to me.

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  • Meatballsandwich
    4 years ago

    I'm 20 and freaked out over the fact that girls my age are having children.

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  • libertybell
    4 years ago

    I too feel that 22 is young to get married. And 20 or 18 even more so.

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  • SwickDinging
    4 years ago

    Some people are too young to get married at 52, never mind 22. Some are ready when they're 16. Just stop worrying about what everyone else is doing. At 22 I'm sure you've got your own plans. If you haven't then make some. Think about what you want out of life and then focus on that. You don't need to get married by any particular age. You don't need to get married at all if you don't want to. If you try and compare yourself to others you will be unhappy. No one can do everything, we all have to make choices about what to focus our energy on.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      4 years ago

      Thanks for your response. I’ll admit I’ve struggled finding direction in life, I’ve already had two failed career paths and feel like a naive child when I try to make long-term future plans.

      I feel like I’m still only a semi-adult and seeing someone my age make such a major adult decision and have it almost ubiquitously accepted heightened my insecurity at my own immaturity.

      But you’re right, people go at different paces and comparing myself to him or anyone else is pointless.

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      • SwickDinging
        4 years ago

        I'm married with what now feels like thousands of children and I still don't feel like a proper adult yet lol. And two failed careers at 22 sounds great to me - you realised quickly that it wasn't right for you and moved on to the next thing instead wasting half your life in some job that you hate. That's totally normal at your age. Take pity on the ones still stuck in that shitty job on their 40th birthday. I bet they feel very fucking adult. I bet being an adult smacks them in the face every morning like a slab of concrete.

        Don't pressure yourself, you've got so much time to figure all this out!

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      • Nikclaire
        4 years ago

        I feel exactly the same way.

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  • [Old Memory]
    4 years ago

    I think 22 is a fine age to get married. My mom and some aunts got married all at 20 and 21. My mom was with my dad since she was 16 and 4 years I feel is long enough to decide your future with that person. I’m 20 and don’t feel ready quite yet and coming up to 3 years with my boyfriend but everyones different. And some don’t happen until later in life it’s really I feel a matter of being ready for that step. But some never want to get married. One bitch I used to be friends with got married at 18 to some guy she knew for 6 months and that was odd to me. Idk if I can decide I want to spend the rest my life with someone in only knowing them for 6 months. Last I knew he was cheating on her and they weren’t happy but she was still trying to pop out a kid. Smart. But no I think 22 is okay but not everyone would feel the same they may.

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