Is it normal no sex drive what so ever

50% Normal
2 Comments

I have no sex drive, im a woman in my 20s and I have struggled with depression since I was 14-15. Ive never had it diagnosed but clinical depression runs in my family but since I got diagnosed with autism at 21 years old healthcare wont listen to me about depression they just blame everything on "autism side effects" or try to put me on antidepressants to shut me up.

Ive had relationships I want able to "perform" in, hence ruining them. Im pretty sure depression is the cause because I think it can kill sex drive ? but I have suspected both being asexual and gay but that wouldnt explain why I feel sexually turned on by men I find attractive. Having sex includes passion right and I am not capable of that, I am only capable of dull feelings of misery or guilt. I dated this very passionate man, twice, and we had some fantastic chemistry! He was pretty intense and a bit controlling in some ways but the attraction was so strong and the communication was good so it still seemed to have potential and I was very attracted to him. He of course wanted sex since we were dating and to him it was important as to him sexual chemistry matters so much in a relationship. We ended up fighting all the time about that till he moved on. Now we're on good terms but he's with someone else. I want fire and passion but once its staring me in the face I am too tired and annoyed. I never feel comfortable with anyone to even bother trying because I already am prepared for anyone new I meet betraying me. If I meet someone I like and he likes me that alone makes me depressed, because I know he's going to play me. Of course me never feeling up for sex only increases the risk of that happening so as you can imagine that has happened quite a few times.

I havent brought this issue up with my therapist. She is an autism "expert" and as soon as I mention depression she tries to put me on antidepressants instead of talking about it. She sucks but I dont have the energy to start over with someone new, again... Obviously antidepressants also tend to remove sex drive so that is not a solution, and as for the depression itself I need to feel my emotions matter and for someone to listen... not to be dulled by pills. I feel so lonely due to this

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50% Normal
Based on 6 votes (3 yes)
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Comments ( 2 )
  • ASongIsADickInSheepsClothing
    1 year ago

    sexuality and sex drive are Not an exact science, though it absolutely sucks when they don't match up comfortably. You could of course be ace-spec, though it seems like you're already aware of that.

    Obviously I don't have all the background but depression can cause a dip in sex drive, so meds are worth trying if you want to. I know that the meds themselves can do that too, so I'm not sure that'd fix everything, but you can always stop taking them if it doesn't work out.

    One thing that I do feel well equipped to recommend is figuring out where your boundaries are sexually. You could try experimenting with more dominant or submissive roles, see which you feel more comfortable with. Try stuff on your own too, see what toys or actions feel best, and if you don't like anything that's fine. Just one step closer to figuring yourself out.

    I know the ace community will welcome you if that's what you want, but don't feel pressured to pick a label. Take as long as you need.

    Best of luck, hope you find a better therapist.

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  • Whatintarnation
    1 year ago

    Sex is a major part of any relationship. If you're not into that, that's fine. But don't get into any relationships then.

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