Is it normal people get upset when they ask for an opinion then they get angry?

95% Normal
7 Comments

Just last year an acquaintance told me that she was secretly writing a book. I was a little intrigued and wanted to know more. She asked me, "Could you read the first 3 chapters and give me your opinion?"

Just before she handed me the manuscript she told me in dramatic tones that a "reputable psychic" told her, "You are going to become a wealthy and famous writer after writing a book all about your life."

Not to be harsh, I read her work and it was one of the worst bits of writing masquerading as an unpublished book that I've ever read.

A few weeks a later I saw her. Excitedly, she asked what I thought. I told her, "It didn't grab me." (I was being diplomatic). She became angry.

So I said to her, "When you gave me the manuscript did you want an honest opinion or did you want me to simply agree with you to make you feel good?"

is it normal people get upset when they ask for an honest / unbiased opinion then they get angry when you give it to them?

I would love to include a couple of samples just for laughs.

Voting Results
95% Normal
Based on 22 votes (21 yes)
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Comments ( 7 )
  • Fall_leaves
    9 years ago

    No I would rather be told if something I wrote or did was shit. Then I would ask how to make it better and get multiple opinions. I know I can't always see when I've made a mistake so it's nice when someone cares enough to correct me.

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  • Incomplet
    9 years ago

    This is somewhat common with buddy aspiring artists. They're too sensitive to anyone who doesn't share their opinion.

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  • dirtybirdy
    9 years ago

    She wants the truth???! She can't handle the truth!!!!!

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  • Koda
    8 years ago

    She was probably expecting you to love it and be proud of her, so obviously she was crushed/disappointed. You can't blame her for that, but you can blame her for asking for your opinion and then rejecting it. See, if it'd been me she'd given it to, I would have made up like 5 or 6 fake positives to tell her to soften the blow of the negatives, and even if there were 100 general things wrong with it, I'd only focus on one or two things to improve.

    I mean, why be the one to crush your friend's dream? Let a potential agent or editor do it for you. Then, at least, she could hate a stranger instead of her friend. Another thing is, if she's at all confident in her work, she might think you're just "jealous" whereas, coming from an editor or something, she'd probably have to really re-evaluate her plan and move on to something else.

    Sometimes honesty really isn't the best policy if you value friendships. People are fragile. I'd get off my high horse if I were you. I bet if you poured your heart and soul into something you were sure was your best work and somebody rejected it coldly, you'd be just as devastated. I think you were in the wrong not to offer constructive criticism at the very least.

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    • Anonymous Post Author
      8 years ago

      Thanks for your view. I didn't think I was particularly harsh with her. To expand a little on what I said to her, "I don't claim to have the skills of a good writer. However, I do read a lot and I know when something is well written because I can't put it down. Your work didn't grab me." That was about it. I also encouraged her to study writing.

      With this particular person our friendship was on very shaky ground anyway.

      For completely unrelated reasons I decided not to have her in my life anymore as I felt she mistook my kindness towards her for stupidity. At this point in time she is no longer a friend or acquaintance. cheers

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  • JD777
    9 years ago

    Yeah, I've run into people like that. Seems no matter how diplomatic you are with constructive feedback, they get ruffled. So, it makes it hard to get good feedback since so many people have been burned by giving negative feedback. I finished my Ph.D. dissertation and gave it to three people close to me to review. All three of them gave brief, non-specific positive feedback. I wanted them to shred it, challenge it and ask me difficult questions. But no, I think they were afraid to be critical. I appreciate that they took the time to read it, but I got no help and lost three weeks time.

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  • Ellenna
    8 years ago

    I also write and I have the opposite gripe, that very few people actually read what I've written or if they do, they just tell me "it's good" with no information about what they actually liked.

    I'd rather have an honest criticism than no response or a meaningless one

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