Is it normal that...i'm dreading my friend visiting me this weekend?

89% Normal
9 Comments

I have a long-time friend who goes skiing ever Winter, and typically crashes at my house for the night into next day afterwards. It's usually fun, but, I dread it most of the time and just want it over with. He's not a bad guy, but..Exhausting. And a bit rude and insensitive. Very self-centered in that, he'll ask a million questions of you, while deflecting or refusing any real information about himself..Makes me feel I have to put on a show of sorts for him, handle the friendship load so to speak..

He eats like a pig..Not so much volume, but mess. We were out one night and he had a burger. With absolutely everything the bartender who took our order asked if he wanted on it. The more she asked, the more he agreed.."Oh, sure" "That'd be great". By the time it arrived and he started eating, he needed a freaking beach towel to clean his face. Was all over. And fairly disgusting.

It's also usually the same conversations..And, as stated, jack shit about his own stuff, minus the occasional generalization. One visit, too, he met a woman I was seeing, and, in process of breaking up with (he didn't know that, to be fair), and he invited her out with us. So, I had to deal with a woman I was trying to not be with anymore, and a friend who was being his usual, somewhat intrusive, self.

Is it wrong or bad of me to just want tomorrow morning, by noon or so, to come fast?

Voting Results
89% Normal
Based on 18 votes (16 yes)
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Comments ( 9 )
  • Cookiecutter
    7 years ago

    Like you said their not a bad person just tiring, your also not a bad person because you feel this way. Just because you feel or think something about a person doesn't mean your a bad person it means your human.

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    • Jayemen
      7 years ago

      He can be fun, but, honestly, is exhausting and mentally taxing. And this is the easy time of year that he visits. When he visits in nice weather, no matter what I, or, in event our other friend visits, too, want to do, he'll just refuse until we give in and go hiking. Which is fine, however, it's the same trail we've take for maybe 20 years.

      He'll argue against doing anything else until we just say, fine..We'll hit the same, boring "fire trail" again.

      I'm hoping this is one of those times where I overthink and dread the visit, but it turns out better than expected.

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      • Rihyae
        7 years ago

        Take a new trail. Maybe he'll be replaced by that which must not be named.

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  • Silky_Roach
    7 years ago

    He doesn't sound like that great of a friend if you can only tolerate him for a day or 2. When I think of a friend, it's someone I want around. Not a person I dread the thought of. You should address your issues. They seem reasonable. If he doesn't care enough to adjust move on.

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    • Jayemen
      7 years ago

      He's an ok friend, just really oblivious to others and, as stated, slams anything he doesn't understand or is involved with himself. A full weekend, in nice weather, is tolerable if the other guys are also visiting, but just one on one is tough.

      We went out the other night after he arrived, and, as he's the type to not spend money (is historically cheap) and not stay out, I kept him out later than usual. We were talking to my other friend, so that helped keep things going. By the time we got back to my house, he lasted about a half hour before falling asleep on the couch.

      Hung out a bit the next morning, and he went home. Good visit, as it wasn't two full days. I've thought about moving on a few times, and, once, went a year without talking to him.

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      • Men_are_leaders
        7 years ago

        As you go through life there are just people you move on from or move on from you, etc. If you don't fully enjoy hanging out with this person I wouldn't worry about doing it anymore. The way I handle people like this is to just wait for them to contact me and than I decide if it is something I would like to do.

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        • Jayemen
          7 years ago

          That's about what I do with him, pick my spots. Knew he was due, as it's ski season and he only goes to one place all the time, and usually gets lift passes for Christmas. Some visits are good or ok, like this one, but some are just..please get out of my house.

          It reminds me of a line I heard on (old show, by now), Home Improvement. Tim was eagerly awaiting his long-time friend, who was wild guy, partier, etc, then found out they didn't have much in common anymore. The neighbor guy listened as Tim complained, but said "he's been my best friend for 25 years", and replied "Or, was he your best friend 25 years ago?"

          It't not quite like that with my visiting friend, but sometimes, especially when I was married, I did feel that way.

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  • Ellenna
    7 years ago

    Why are you putting up with someone you obviously don't want to spend time with? He sounds boring, self-centred and insensitive and I suspect using you for free accommodation.

    Cancel: tell him you're ill with something infectious or better still, just tell him you don't want him to stay with you again unless he changes his attitude and behavior.

    You could, of course, go and stay with him and behave to him as he does to you and then explain why.

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    • Jayemen
      7 years ago

      He's definitely self-centered and insensitive, no question there. And, really, having the other guy or guys visit (which has been quite a long time..think they've had it with him) only makes it a little easier on me, since he focuses on them. Basically, anything that he doesn't understand, he slams or makes fun of. I'm nowhere near thin-skinned, but sometimes, just want to rip on him left and right, about his appearance, job he hates, and so forth.

      But, I don't, since I'm the better man. I have him at my house b/c it's not often, and he's and old college friend. As for cancelling or making up excuses..Yes, I do that if I'm just not up for the visit. He knows I'm involved in a lot of things, and have a big family, so it's not difficult to lie to him and use either.

      As for his place? Once, and that was enough. Slept on his fold-out, which was back-breaking awful and hadn't been cleaned in however many years. I'm good with being home, and doing the guest bedroom sheets after he leaves. Usually..Within minutes, they're in the washer.

      Still, he's an old friend and I enjoy the visits for the most part..Until he starts up. Then, it's..Please go home.

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